To Endure A Little More

Aeza's Point of View: The feeling is so strange, wondering if one was able to suffer so much. All had changed, neither did I remain the same, but I did wish through every withering moment to get back to our old selves and the days when nothing had been less than perfect to our little minds that didn't know the world half as much as we know it now; when we were happy, while we were young. But it is indeed true: As wiseness comes to me with age, I've begun to understand how little I understand. Just like how every second comes to us with the glimpse of every emotion it brings us and passes in the next blink like it had never been here, we have now parted ways without the intention of returning, with the awareness that perhaps we are better off apart. We thought we had found our way out, but there wasn't really a way out. Because problems aren't resolved if you walk away from them instead of staying to solve them. Entangled together in complications more advanced than our maturity, it was difficult to find the right path out and we were caught in fallacy, with misbelief and misjudging every little situation that resulted in mistakes. And whilst becoming the victim of fear, of losing something...someone...myself. I was woken up from my deep slumber when a noxious, foul-smelling odour made its way up my nostrils, awakening my senses. I found myself situated on a bunk bed, the room was engulfed with darkness and smog. I felt unacquainted with wherever I was and there was a sudden concern that was growing within me. The place was filled with a nasty, burning smell that made it simply harder for me to breathe, the suffocation was triggering my anxiety. I looked around in search of any clue to where I was. My sentiments dazed, while my body woke up to be caught in an agitated and apprehensive state of unease. My mind itched my line of thinking to recall the thoughts that just washed over my mental picture, with worry; which I believe was just a mere dream or my subconscious in the subliminal part of my mind processing without my consent. I felt uneasy as I summoned back the feelings I received when my sentiment was devouring me in my dream before I broke free and woke up, as I think back at the very thoughts I am referring to. I was concerned because it was odd. It felt like a sign from my subconscious, like a sixth sense perceiving a stimulus that my past would order its way back to me; the past that had made me run away to where I was, being who I was at the present time. I looked around to direct my mind away from the odd thoughts I was pondering about. The thin layer of tissue that lines the back of the eyes on the inside, which is known as the retina because it is made up of photoceptor cells, hoped to receive any light that my lenses were trying to catch and focus to help me figure out where I am. It took me a little time to adjust to the dimness. My eyes caught a spray painting on the damned wall of the room. The doodle work on the wall was of two hands reaching out to hold each other; one made of concrete, as it seemed, while the other was in flesh but burning in flames, both connected through white dotted lines that the planet earth was orbiting in. And the white lines representing the red string that connects soulmates as it is believed. I stared at the work of art for a solid minute, slowly getting diverted by my thoughts again before I dragged myself back. I soon realized that the place I was in was Jeremy Peterson and his friends' personal but secret hideout at school. I was no longer surprised by the smog in the room. This place was for them to come and spend time on smoking, especially. Of course, the elderly or teachers in the institution had no say against their substandard behavior because it was Jeremy Peterson who owned the academy. And it would rather be surprising if him and his friends, for once, treated the place as a simple hangout spot that they tend to call it, in spite of all the mischievous work they do here. I picked myself up and started walking closer to the duskiness, only to be greeted by the annoying presence of the bunch of thugs. The people, however and unfortunately, turned out to be people I am friends with. Jeremy Peterson, Rolfe Harvey, Luan Aldrin...they stood like vampires under the shade of the curtains covering the only window in the room, that prevented sunlight to light up the duskiness in the small, congested area which they were actually enjoying the vibe of. They were all busy burning their lungs with their cigarettes. But it was not anything new to me. It was nothing for me to be surprised about because it was as expected. I would be surprised instead if I for once saw them doing anything that was not capable of harming their mental or physical condition of health; someday maybe, I hoped seamlessly. Because each and every activity of theirs' could be labelled as injurious to health in red highlights. What I didn't expect to see today was to find Thiago Torsney, who was supposedly our senior to be exact, was in this too. Theo, as people tend to call him out of affection, was an idol figure at school, with astonishing grades, divine looks, a mesmerizing voice and certainly because he played sports for the national team, which had everyone hold a weak spot for him. A charming guy who everyone looked up to as their ideal type was who he was. But little did I expect to see that he too had his bad habits. Albeit, I suppose that is how humanity works. Our faults, blemishes, undesirable features and imperfections, alongside everything morally correct and satisfactory to society, is what completes our definition of being simply human. I disregarded my concern over seeing Thiago getting influenced by the already damned bunch of spoiled, miserable souls. It seemed to me as if they were either like this because they collected for these types of behavior to be cool or they were just simply alive because they couldn't die just yet, trying to kill themselves with every action of theirs till they actually die. Either way, I couldn't be bothered anymore, because they have never listened to me every time I have tried to help them, and also in view of the fact that I already know their attempts will go in vain, through experience. I walked my way to them; a sigh escaped my lips as I did. Before I knew it, Jeremy had his arms wrapped around me. Him embracing me made me rather feel as if I was getting engulfed by the foul smell of smoke and alcohol that he was reeking off up to high heaven. "Hey, you're up. Wanna join?" He spoke casually, motioning towards himself and then his friends who were engaged in ruining their lungs. Sighing in disappointment once again, I shrugged Jeremy's arm off of me and walked up to Harvey, the guy I was dating for a waste of time. "Please hold your distance and mouth shut before I tape you on the road for you to be run over." I mumbled lowly with an irritated tone, rolling my eyes because I was in no mood for small talk. "Tape would not hold him down-" Thiago tried to speak but my glare shut him up. "Why so feisty, babe?" Jeremy replied jokingly in a raspy voice, breathing out smoke alongside his words. Too bad, I wasn't in the mood for sallies with this terrible headache. Before the burgundy head could even process a thing, my fist shot up and punched him right in the face. Ah, I hope he realizes his limits now. Annoyed for no apparent reason, mainly for the existence of humans, I went up to the guys and took the cigars out of their reach, tossing them into the dustbin that was already filled to the brim with buds of cigarettes and ashes. "I've told you a million times, do not take me anywhere without my consent. And for the love of chocolates and cranberries, don't smoke. I don't get the issue with you guys. Why darn yourselves with this piece of shit? What is this, a suicide spree? For heaven's sake, it's threatening to your l- JEREMY I SAID STOP TOUCHING ME!" I was suddenly cut off from ranting when the Jeremy started patting my head as if I was a dog and it would soothe me. "Okay okay..sorry sunshine." he took his hands up in surrendered form. Cringing at the nickname, I looked at my boyfriend, Harvey, who was too busy focusing on his phone, on which he was not even doing anything and wasn't the least bothered. Having enough of their attitude, I stormed out of the nasty place that was only making me feel further sick to my bottom. I came out of their lounge coughing and headed towards the public washroom, feeling the urge in me to puke. I felt extremely dizzy. The last thing I could recall from the night before was taking my 6th clear shot of tequila with the boys before falling unconscious. Of course, the raw alcohol was too strong for my body, which was sensitive to it. I rushed to the inside of the washroom as I threw myself on the sink. My insides took a twist as vomit spilled out of my mouth and I could feel my gut clench in pain because it had nothing to let out. The inside of my body felt like I'd swallowed kerosine that was flamed from a bunch of matched sticks, due to the hydrochloric acid our stomach uses to break down and digest food rushing up my throat. I puked out mostly water and processed liquid made of any food that I had consumed the previous night, which also had me fear if my organs too would come out as well. "That's it, never drinking again..." I scolded myself, for the 76th time after drinking; although that's just a random number and I know I must have tortured myself like this more times than I could even remember. Sigh. I shook my head at myself, scoffing over my own bad habits which I overlooked when complaining about the habits of my friends. I cleaned my face and went to my room to change into better clothes that didn't smell like smoke and reek of alcohol. I entered the room but a gasp left my lips to find half of the place empty, alongside all the posters of the band The Vamps which belonged to my roommate, Roselynn's, taken off. As my eyes wandered away in bewilderment, I saw her scurrying around, seemingly looking for locks to secure her suitcase with. "Rosie..what's the matter? Are you headed somewhere?" I spoke with concern. "Oh my, Aeza, you are finally here. Why wouldn't you pick up my calls? I've tried to reach you all night long." she spoke with guilt flushed all over her face. "Right, I was with the boys, I'm not sure where my phone is. Is everything alright?" "I am so sorry that I couldn't get to tell you. It was all such a sudden and I only made the decision last night because my father's business needs me. I am heading back to the US tonight and I may not return anytime soon. I really cannot argue about otherwise with my parents or back out. You know how my family is, right-" she spoke in such a hurry, beginning to panic before I shut her up with a hug and calmed her down. "Of course, yeah. It's completely alright, I totally understand. This must be so much for you to take all of a sudden." I spoke with a soft tone, giving her assurance for her to calm down and she sighed a little in relief, smiling goodbye at me. "Take care of yourself, okay?" "There's a letter on your desk, by the way. I am guessing it is from the principal regarding my situation. Make sure to check it out. I'll speak to you soon. Goodbye, best friend." Roselynn says, hugging me one last time before rushing out. After a moment of processing what just happened, I took a rush towards my desk to check the letter. I began to read the letter out loud. "Ms. Aelia Dallarosa, this letter is to bring to your notice that, due to circumstances and personal affairs, your roommate, Ms. Roselynn Bonavich has had to quit our institution. Therefore, a new roommate should shift in shortly. You receive our wholehearted apology for the mere inconvenience this may cost you. Bla bla bla-" Pause. I blinked a couple of times as my eyes read over the words that the letter in my hand held, trying to process. For a second, it felt as if the world was moving faster than I was. A flashback broke away through my cloud of memories and made my heart skip over a beat. I immediately shook my head for my thoughts to vamoose away and sulk, wishing this wasn't something I had woken up to.