Unbalanced

IX

When Lucien stepped away from Nic, her blood instantly cooled. She leaped from the bed and quickly made her way to the bathroom. She slammed the door shut behind her and leaned her back against the wood. “Oh, my gods,” she whispered, sliding down to the floor and burying her head in her hands. “What just happened?” She asked herself desperately trying to find something to explain her actions. It was as if she wasn’t in control of her body. One minute, she was scarfing down beignets with Lucien and scolding herself for letting the tramps at the boutique get under her skin. The next she was in Lucien’s lap, kissing him, touching him. It didn’t make any sense. Did he do something to her? Of course he did. He was a wraith after all. No different than the monster in the ally. She shuddered as the horrors of that night came rushing back to her.

She was walking through the streets of the downtown bar district in a big city. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and goosebumps spread across her skin. She spun around, expecting to find someone behind her, watching her. There was nothing there. One more step, two, and the chill seeped further into her bones. She had only been on two hunts before this, and the elders assured her that this was an easy target. The wraith was a young one, they told her.

Shaking herself out of her dark thoughts, she turned the corner and kept searching. She was at the end of the district, now, where the buildings ended and train tracks ran behind them. She walked along the tracks for a while in case the wraith had dragged a victim back her to feed. The uneasy feeling was still nagging at her as she walked, and she couldn’t help checking behind her every so often. The third time she did so, she found herself face to face with her prey. She stared into the endless blackness of his eyes for several seconds, as the fear rose to terror and her breath caught in her throat. Her paralysis only lasted a heartbeat however, and she took a step back as her stiletto slid into her palm. She thrust the knife at the wraith, but he shifted to the left and dodged her attack. Again and again, he dodged, feigned, and deflected her advances, never striking back. Becoming frustrated by the games he was playing, her strikes started to get sloppy, and finally he ended the charade.

He reached out, fast as lightening, and grabbed her throat. Nic struggled against him, but only for a moment before she felt his fingernail pierce the back of her neck. She screamed as the tether to her soul snapped, and the wraith laughed. He inhaled deeply as Nic stopped struggling unable to do anything while the cold burned through her veins as her life force seeped out of her. A moment later he stopped, having only taken enough to debilitate her, making any fight she put up weak and ineffective. His fingers dug into her face as pressed her head into the brick wall behind her. Then he slammed his mouth down on hers and kissed her violently, biting her lip hard and sucking on in as it bled.

He chuckled when she whimpered, “What’s wrong baby? You want more?” He asked, turning her around and pinning her to the wall from behind. She struggled harder against him and he put his mouth to the back of her neck, inhaling deeply and licking the spot when her resistance faded. He released her briefly, catching her around the waist before she fell, and reaching around her to tear at her pants. The button popped off, the zipper broke, and the fabric ripped from there to the seam between her legs. When Nic whimpered again, the wraith slammed her back against the wall, busting her head open, and yanked what was left of her pants down to her knees.

When he was finished with her he said, “Thanks for the ride,” and kissed her again. Then, he let her go, watched her drop to the ground, and walked away. She lay there, in the grass, until the sun rose and somebody found her with tears dried on her cheeks, blood crusted on her lip and head, the shredded pants around her knees, and barely any life left in her.

Nic shuddered against the memory as tears dripped down her face. She didn’t leave the monastery again for over a year. She trained from sunrise to sunset every single day of that time and promised herself she would never be weak again. She failed herself twice in the past two days. First, she almost let it happen again. She let that same f*****g monster take away her power again. Then, she let her guard down and allowed another f*****g wraith to put his hands on her.

Her heart pounded against her chest and her breathing hitched. She could hear blood roaring in her ears, her vision blurred, and her nails dug into her palms as she fought to calm herself. Her thoughts were racing so fast she was getting dizzy. It had been years since her last panic attack, and she was furious to be so vulnerable now.

“Lita?” Lucien called from the other side of the door.

“Leave me the f**k alone,” she snarled.

“What’s going on, sweetheart?” He asked, lowering his voice.

“Go. Away.” She yelled back.

“Lita, I’m not leaving. I can feel your power,” he paused for several heartbeats before continuing, “you need to calm down.”

“What?” She asked. The confusion overrode the panic attack and allowed her to calm the storm raging inside her. Power?

“Gods, Lita.” She could hear the thunk of his forehead dropping against the other side of the door. “Please come out. I’m sorry.”

She didn’t say anything. She sat there for what felt like forever, as she sorted through her thoughts and emotions. She needed to find out if Lucien had used some kind of compulsion on her. Although, he had to have, right? How else could it be explained. She hadn’t wanted to be touched by any man. Ever. How did she end up in the lap of a wraith? Determined not to let him see how rattled she was, she splashed water on her face and left the bathroom.

Lucien was sitting on his bed, elbows resting on his knees, and his head in his hands. He looked up when she stepped out into the room. “Lita, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

He looked awful, she realized. His hair was sticking up in all directions, like he’d been tugging at it. His eyes were rimmed in red. She’d almost think he had been crying if that were possible.

“Lita,” her name came out as a plea, only she didn’t know what he was asking for.

“I swear, Lita. I will never touch you again. I know I shouldn’t have; I should have thought. If I thought for just one second, I would’ve known that you wouldn’t have wanted that. That you didn’t want me.”

“Lucien, did you….” The words stuck in her throat. She couldn’t get them out. She couldn’t admit how weak she was.

“Did I what, Lita?” He asked softly. “Please, tell me what’s going on. Why are you so upset?”

“Did you… did you make me do that?” she asked, meeting his eyes and seeing the horror that dawned on his face.

“Lita, no. My gods, Lita, I would never. He raked his fingers through his hair, causing even more disarray. “I swear to you, Lita, I would never take away your will. Especially, not to..” He trailed off at the end. Really looking at her for the first time since she came out of the bathroom. “Lita, why would you think that? Has someone hurt you? Like that, I mean.”

The nervous energy holding her up drained from her body and she collapsed to the floor. She could feel the sting of tears prickling at her eyes again.

“Son of a b***h,” he whispered. “Who was it, Lita? I swear to the gods, I’ll kill him.”

“You already did,” she told him. All of the fight drained out of her. The more she calmed down the more she doubted that Lucien would have used those powers against her in that way. She still couldn’t explain her actions, but she had bigger questions at the moment.

“f**k, Lita. The wraith in the alley. You’ve run into him before tonight?” He asked, sliding to the floor to sit across from her.

She nodded. “It was a long time ago. One of my first missions, actually.”

“Lita, if I had known, I swear I would never have kissed you. Please, believe that.” He was pleading with her now, and she could see the sincerity in his eyes. More, she could feel it in her bones. It hardly mattered if she believed him about this anyway. If there was even a chance that he was telling the truth about her parents, she needed him.

She nodded, again, not speaking for a moment. “You said something about my power while I was in the bathroom,” she prodded.

“Yea,” he sighed. I could feel it. It was like a hurricane was brewing in the middle of the room.”

“Lucian, I don’t have powers. I’ve told you this, already.” She said.

“I know you did, sweetheart, but you’re wrong.”