A Heart's Façade

Chapter One : Wrong Road Taken

10th November. Fall 2020. { 6 months later }

Freya's Point of View:

"If we were meant to stay in one place, we would have been born with roots, not feet."

The words echoed in my mind with a stab, reminding me of the time I had said that to my parents through a letter I left resting on their velvet-clothed king-sized bed, which was, in fact, only a few hours back to recall, before I made my call to run away from home and escaping the only place that'd welcome me and be blind to my odds.

After I had given up my pursuit of death a few months back, I had lived in irony long enough until I figured that the only way I could stop wanting to die was by trying to want to live. And so, after a month of living in my monotonous life of misery behind the walls of the castle that kept me hidden from the world, I chose to escape into the world to see if it really was worth living for.

I wanted to 'live my life like a compass, not a clock.'

Cliché enough, but quotes like these from the internet did know how to spark a fire in my spirit. Though, the more it all excited me, the least these ever inspired me. While I was latched onto finding an escape out of my misery and loneliness, reality managed to find a way to keep my sanity collected, every damn time. And this time, they began to trigger me.

Just like how my handmaiden would tighten my dress with all her might to keep my waist small and tight. Similarly, the chefs in the palace would lay out a feast for the guests and, in contrast, bring me just a cup of tea and bread for breakfast to keep me going for the day... or to say in more precise words, never let me change into a figure that wouldn't attract the suitors who'd advantage my father after a marriage that'd take place against or simply without my will nor preference.

I'd grown up watching fairy-tales where princesses would meet their Happily Ever After, after facing a great deal of adventures and drama that made the story of their lives so exciting, such that I envied. But just as much, I had started to believe that I was growing into a side character in my own life. It felt as if I was losing authority over myself, that I could never even process what I had, as if I was only a puppet with strings that is left for people to control. Though in fairy tales the princesses know how to fight and have a happy ending to look up to. On the other hand, people would only take dominance over me freely while allowing me no freedom to speak back or fight against it. This would never be how I pictured life turning out, but I have never had the chance to picture life out to my ideal.

So now, in the fullness of time when all was said and done, I had finally at long last set my mind to take mastery over my own life and not let people control me and decide my destiny anymore. As if I had nothing to lose but indeed a world to see, just like my dear Pinterest quotes have taught me.

And I was set on making memories, not empty regrets that would only make me feel sorry for myself; beautiful memories to consider that would make me feel accomplished in life and leave this world my great legacy at my departure. Wow, I am doing great at this.

But to be serious here, perhaps I did choose a hard path that rather feels more delusional than realistic, but sometimes only difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations, no?

Therefore, even if I was lost and trembling in fear, I wanted to believe I had stepped out on a great adventure of finding myself and what I truly desired. But as I slipped into reality, I grew to realize what my father and my stepmother must have been protecting me from so far. I was running with fear that made me want to regret my decision. But I shall not go back to where I came from and only move forward until I reach the place I belong to.

My body felt heavy, feet numb, as I dragged myself around the forest of wilderness, hoping to find shelter before the sky got any darker. I felt helpless, thirsty for water and in desperate need of rest; but if I stopped now, the men who were hunting me down would finally get a hold of me.

Word must've gotten out that I had escaped the royal palace. Because these men didn't look like my father's men who were trying to catch me to bring me back to their King. They looked like locals who were trying to hunt me to use me to manipulate my father to offer them a fortune for my safe return. Little did I know I was so important, little for my own worth.

My dress was ripped and torn from many corners, feet bare since some tree roots chose to keep my sandals to themselves while I was on my run, blood of my own stained all over my dirt-covered body from thorns that struck me to cut me like the forest was also in my enemy's side. I felt miserable having to hide for life with so much pain to carry, be it inside the palace or out. It felt no different, if not worse.

I stopped my run as I stumbled upon an obstacle that stood before me, just as lost as me but cautious and tidy. I felt my body begin to lose control, my vision getting blurry with the tears forming in a layer over my eyes to coat my power of sight as I noticed the young man in between the woods, staring into my soul.

The man had a height of about five feet ten or six feet at most, which I could figure from my blurred vision. And stood before me at the distance of about one tall tree from another. I could not quite catch his features from the point that I was standing at in the state that I was in, but my vision sharpened as my eyes locked with his.

I grew vulnerable as all my strength began to seep out of my body which was giving out at the sight of him. This must be the end of it. Part of me felt as if it would now finally be okay to fall down to my knees and sigh a breath of relief that I wouldn't have to hide away anymore. Probably the mercy and confusion in his eyes allowed me to breathe the breath that I had almost lost as my heart had skipped a beat when I made eye contact with his gorgeous ones, I must admit. He was handsome. I was stunned, almost believing that I had seen an angel. Until it suddenly hit me and my mind soon reminded me that he may not look dangerous or seem like he has business with the killers, that the confusion on his face told me, but you never know what his intentions might be or 'grow' to be.

This world is too much of a dangerous place. We live in certain times, the world is becoming a more dangerous place; nothing can be taken for granted. Much of the world seems to be in a state of bewildering confusion. Don't neglect the link between our hope and beliefs. That's the only way to keep our sanity in these times.

The words of my late grandmother rang in my headspace as I tried to keep control over myself. But I knew I was growing anxious, a panic attack nearing the edge of its limits of staying in control.

I saw the stranger take a step towards me and I took a step back in response as my heart skipped another beat out of skepticism. He immediately motioned for me to stop and calm down, for he must have noticed the fear in my eyes that I wished was not as visible.

"Relax..." His voice came to me like the sound of the pied piper, his tone compelling.

My fears had taken over my strength, I wasn't connected to my sanity anymore as I laughed out a hysterical low scoff, daringly looking at him with my swollen, red eyes. A tear left my left eye without my own consent and burnt its hot way down my cheek to my lips to give me a taste of its salty trace that I hadn't tasted in long until now, as my heart beat grew faster than I could count. I felt weak and I hated it.

He walked further close to me, standing at a distance of hardly about two feet away from me, and it filled me with the fear that he would be able to hear the beats of my throbbing heart. At the same time, what frightened me more was that I might fail to run too fast if this man attempted to harm me.

His expression did not make him look very threatening, he rather appeared concerned. My legs felt shaky, which could have caused me to slip, but before I did, one of his arms wrapped around my waist to keep my posture up and hold me in his embrace. My body only happened to give in more, like all my strength was draining out like water through an open tap. Perhaps it was because his arms felt safe to be in or maybe it was the feeling of having human warmth so close to me after about one and a half years or more. And I am not even sure when was the last time my own parents embraced me.

My hand managed to reach up somewhat to grip his shirt over his chest tightly with my fist clenched, trying to hold on as I felt like I'd collapse. In response, I felt his arms wrap around me further protectively, now using both his arms to hold me up. His grip was cautious and gentle, maintaining my comfortability, which made me feel safe. I breathed in sharply like I could cry out, closing my eyes as my heart clenched inside.

"You should come with me. You don't look very well." His voice was raspy, with a soft crisp to it. It felt nice to my ears.

I was still debating on whether I should take another run or give into his ridiculously angelic smile. Insane. I scoffed to my own self with whatever strength I had left within me. But before I could make a choice in my mental dispute, my vision began to blur, the world around me growing darker in a spin as I lost control over myself and fell unconscious.