There’s something about swimming in deep water that always clears my head. Perhaps it’s the feel of being totally free, of being far away from land and all the obligations that go with it. Although I was grateful for Cole normally swimming with me, I was glad that he was not expecting me tonight. I needed some time with just myself, and swimming was a great way to get out of my head. I moved at a crazy pace, almost racing against myself.Somewhere in the swim, my thoughts began to emerge. Looking back, I think this was the moment when I realized that being gay meant that I would never have children. It seems like such a crazy idea now, but the world was a different place then. I had hope, but I’d still need a birth mother, and I really couldn’t think of anyone who would make a better mother
