Phoenix

Chapter 11

Phoenix's POV

"Where on earth have you been? You said you wouldn't be gone longer than a couple of hours and you didn't answer my calls either," My mother ranted as soon as I walked through the front door.

Right, I forgot I had a phone. I pulled out my phone and saw that I had eight missed calls from her. Uh-oh. "I'm sorry, my phone never went off. There must not be any signal in the woods," I apologized and tried to explain to her why I didn't answer. "If my phone would have gone off I would have answered right away, I promise." I never would ignore her calls, knowing that she worries so much. I don't like getting in trouble, either. 

She sighed heavily, "Right, well, at least you're okay." My mother said while she looked me over, but I couldn't look her in the eye. Not after what happened yesterday and after just exposing the secret that she's been telling me all my life to never tell.

"Are you still upset about last night?" She asked. "You know I only want to protect you, Phoenix." 

"I know, I'm not upset," I said quietly and dared to glance at her, but then the guilt hit me and I quickly looked away again. She looked so sad, I know she's only trying to protect me and she's worried as a parent. A single one at that, that's why I can't get mad at her. Besides, I'm not the type of person to get angry or hold a grudge. I just don't see the point in being angry, it seems like a waste of energy.

"Then what's wrong? You've been avoiding me a lot lately," My mom said as she walked closer to me and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "You can talk to me."

But I can't... I'll only disappoint you, I thought. I could stop my mouth, but not my thoughts. It's true, I'll only disappoint her and she'll move us away again. The reason we moved here was that she thought someone was getting suspicious. Although, I don't know who she thought was catching on.

"Nothing's wrong, I've just been thinking a lot is all," I answer, not telling her the full truth.

"About what?" She asked. 

"Boy stuff."

"Nix, you know I was a nurse. If you need to talk about becoming a man, I know all about it. I think it's about time we have a deeper discussion about it. I know you prefer men over women, but I know how that works, too. Last time you-"

"Yeah, great talk, I'm going to my room now," I quickly interrupted her and started to head up the stairs before she could talk anymore. I did not want to be reminded of the last time we had a talk about this. I don't even know why I brought it up.

"You're going to have to learn about it someday, child!" She yelled loud enough for me to hear as I made it to the top of the steps.

"No thanks!" I yelled back as politely as I could before finishing my journey to my bedroom.

As soon I was in my room, I let myself fall onto my red comforter and hugged my fluffy pillow. Phew, glad I got out of that conversation.

I really missed my bed. I kind of wish I never left it today. Then Jackson never would have seen me in the woods. But then we never would have become... Friends. Even if he did say that he wanted to be friends just because I couldn't trust him with my secret.

Was he really serious about that? I know I had this conversation with myself before, but I can't help it. I don't exactly trust people even if I do try. It's just hard. I'm going to try to trust Jackson, though. He doesn't seem so bad and he doesn't treat me like everyone else does at school. 

Right, school. I really hope Blythe doesn't find out. Sure, he told me to stay away from Jackson, but as long as I don't step out of line I don't think he'll pay much attention. Then there's Jewl, she's been hanging around Jackson like a leech. She's surely going to find out. Why didn't I think more about this earlier? I sighed and buried my face deeper into my pillow.

Life is too stressful sometimes. Sometimes I wish I was normal and had normal eyes. Then maybe I wouldn't be bullied and maybe I could make friends without having to worry. That's not how it is though, so I guess I'll just have to work with what I've been given. I also know it's not just my eyes, I'm just socially awkward in general. So maybe I would be like this either way.

I pulled away from my pillow and pulled my phone out of my pocket, remembering that Jackson told me to text him whenever I got home. I also want to know if he got home safely himself. He just moved here and it took me forever to successfully navigate through those woods.

I looked at the message screen and open his name, seeing the notes he sent me yesterday. I felt bad for not answering, but I didn't really know what to say. Still don't.

Me: Hey

No, too simple, I thought as I erased the message and tried again.

Me: Thanks for the notes

Too late. I pressed the back button and erased the message.

Me: Did you get home safely?

He's a big boy, he'll probably think I'm stupid for even worrying. I sighed and erased the text again. Okay, let's try again.

Me: So, this being friends thing...

Agh, why can't I just send a simple message? I tried again and again, but I ended up erasing every text. Maybe just one more time?

Jackson: You've been typing for over ten minutes, should I be prepared for a really long text or are you struggling

I jumped and nearly dropped the phone onto my bed whenever I saw the message from Jackson. He can see me typing? How? I looked around my room, but I didn't see him anywhere. How..? I picked up my phone again.

Me: How did you know I was typing?

Finally, I sent a real message. I was proud of myself for finally sending something, but the moment was kind of ruined by my anxiety. Is he watching me? What will he say back? Am I just overthinking again?

Jackson: It shows me when you're typing dork

Jackson: Have you ever had a phone before? 

I blushed reading over his messages. Is it that noticeable that I've never had a phone before?

Me: Erm... No

Jackson: 'Erm'? Oml what

I blushed deeper and hid my face in my pillow. This is so embarrassing. How do people text on a regular basis and not have a heart attack... My phone buzzed and I glanced at the screen with one eye, keeping the other in the pillow.

Jackson: Anyway, did you get home safely?

Aw, he cares. Wait, I was going to ask that... I should have gone with that in the first place.

Me: Yes, did you?

Jackson: No, I got attacked by a pack of wolves

Me: What!? Are you okay?!

How is he still alive and texting me after getting attacked? That doesn't make any sense.

Jackson: I was kidding, there's hardly any wolves here. What are the chances of me running into an entire pack? 

Oh, he's right. I blushed in embarrassment at how stupid I probably sounded believing that he actually ran into wolves.

Me: That was cruel, I really thought you got hurt

Jackson: Aww~ you care about me ❤

Me: I would be worried if anyone got hurt

Jackson: I thought I was special since I'm your friend

My face reddened to the tips of my ears. Of course, you're special, you're my very first friend. I thought to myself and stared at my phone.

Me: Of course you're special

"Phoenix, what are you reading?" I jumped and quickly hid my phone underneath my pillow before looking over my shoulder to my mother standing in the doorway of my room. Her eyebrows were raised and her arms crossed. I can't believe I didn't hear her coming.

"N-nothing," I stuttered. I can't tell her that I was texting someone. Then she'll start asking questions and I don't want to accidentally tell her that I told Jackson about...

"Are you reading p**n?" She asked and I swear I was as red as a tomato.

"Wh-what?" I questioned. I've only ever heard of that before and from what I've heard, I never want to watch or read it.

"Then why is your face all red?"

"I um.. I just remembered something embarrassing is all," I mumbled, but she didn't seem to believe it.

"Yeah, sure. Anyway, I came here to check and see how your wrist is doing," My mother said. Right, I completely forgot about that since I couldn't feel it. I looked down at the white cast just barely poking through my hoodie sleeve.

"It's fine," I told her, but she walked over and pulled up my sleeve anyway.

"The swelling has gone down, but that was a nasty break. There's no way you feel fine," She said and her eyes narrowed at me. "Unless you used that."

I hunched my shoulders and inched back a bit. She knows what I did. I know I shouldn't have, but it's the only way I can survive every day with what Blythe and Nick do to me.

"I-It's not all bad, it took my pain away," I defended.

"If you're in pain I have a pain reliever for you, you need to quit relying on that power of yours. It will only get you in trouble. I'll let it slide this time since it was such a bad break. Next time, come to me," She said sternly, clearly not happy. I nodded my head in response.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good, now, I came up here to tell you dinner is done," Mom said as she walked back to the doorway. "I made your favorite."

"My casserole?" I asked with wide eyes. I love food, especially the casserole my mom always made for me ever since I was little.

She chuckled and her mood seemed to have lifted from what it was a moment ago, "Yes, your casserole." We started calling it mine since it's my favorite even though she's the one that usually makes it.

"Yes, thank you!" I said excitedly as I hopped out of bed. As soon as my mother was out of sight of my room, I pulled my phone out from under my pillow.

Jackson: Aww~ you're so cute

Jackson: Hello?

Jackson: Was calling you cute going too far? You can ignore that then

C-cute? Jackson is not helping with trying to get my blush to go away, or this growing crush.

Me: Its fine, sorry, gotta go

I typed and sent quickly before my mom came back to see what was taking me so long and shoved my phone in my pocket. I hope he doesn't think I left because he called me cute. In fact, I kind of liked it...

I smiled softly to myself. Does he think I'm cute?

"Phoenix?" My mom called and I jumped back into reality. Right, food.

"Coming," I called back and hurried out of my room before she got even more suspicious.