Twenty-Three: Penelope Peters
1854 Words
Chapter Twenty-Three
Penelope Peters
My first night back in Hay-on-Wye, it was as if I never left. I went to the pub with Seamus to watch his gig, then I went home, and Mum made me a cup of tea as we ate dinner. I explained about everything that had happened with Cadoc, including that summer. I waited for her to yell, but she did nothing.
“Well, I’m glad I put you on birth control for your acne,” she said.
“Mum!” I blurted out. “Is that all you have to say?”
She shrugged. “What am I supposed to do? He’s the Prince of Wales. It isn’t as if I could forbid you from seeing him. He’s the most powerful young man in the country.”
“I wish you would,” I muttered, “I'm a fool. I let myself get swept into his world, and the whole thing was a joke.”
“How do you know that?”
We were sitting at the kitchen table, looking across at each other. “Because,” I said, tucking a strand of my brown hair behind my ear, “I’m Penelope Peters. I’m nobody. I’m not even supposed to be at the same school as him.”
“Things are changing,” said Mum, “you could be part of that change.”
“What about what I want?” I asked. “I can’t be a writer and marry him.”
“Where does it say that?” she asked.
“Because, if I marry him, I’ll have duties. Responsibilities. Things that will take me away from writing.”
Mum smiled. “You always told me that you wanted to write about the world because you wanted to help change it. That’s a lovely sentiment. But…. being married to Cadoc would mean that you wouldn’t only write about the changes that needed. You would get to be able to help make those changes.”
“You think that I could fit into his world?”
“I don’t think that’s why he likes you,” said Mum, “He likes you because you don’t fit into his world. Because you are different. Wales could use some of that. Coleum fell because it refused to change. Wales could survive because it embraced change, which you could help create.”
I took a breath. “I told him that I didn’t ever want to talk to him again. People are going to still be talking about what happened when I get back. Everyone is going to think that I am a slag.”
“It doesn’t matter what the world thinks,” said Mum, “it only matters what he thinks. Do you care for him? Do you think that he cares for you?”
I thought of everything that he had done for me, before that night in the astronomy tower. He had gone out of his way to make me feel like I was part of his world even when he didn’t have to. Never once had I felt like an outsider since coming to Hollow Hills. That had been all because of Cadoc.
“Yes,” I said, “That is, I want to believe he does.”
“Then, you deserve to try to be with him. You’re a good girl, Penelope. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders.”
“What if it doesn’t work out?” I asked. “Then, I’m always going to be the girl that was almost Queen. The girl that the Prince didn’t choose.”
“Or, you could live happily ever after,” she suggested with a smile, “Right now, you’re young. If you’re going to do something foolish, you might as well make it be a Prince. Not a lot of girls that can say they’d get that chance.”
I laughed. “Mum!”
“It’s true, luv,” she said, “why if I were your age, I’d be chasing after him. Don’t think too much of it. Let yourself get swept up in the moment.”
“You think so?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“You don’t think I’m a fool for giving up Jasper?” I asked. “He’d be easier, you know.”
“Easier doesn’t always mean it’s right. Jasper sounds like he’s a good, young man. But your eyes don’t light up the same way that yours do when you talk about Cadoc.”
“I won’t hate him forever. Cadoc, that is,” I said, “but I don’t know that I’m ready to be with him yet. Right now; I need to be by myself. I got swept up into his world, and I didn’t even take the time to get to explore everything that Hollow Hills has to offer.”
Mum took a sip of her tea. “Well, you do what you feel is best. But don’t leave him hanging too long. He’s a Prince. He’s got the world before him, and you never know when he might decide to take it and leave you behind.”
For some reason, I hadn’t considered that. I always thought that if things were going to come to an end between us, it would be because of me. I had never considered the idea that he might get tired of me and decide to choose someone else.
He had a million options. I didn’t.
“Then, I’ll have to deal with that,” I said, “but I didn’t come to Hollow Hills Academy for him. I came to Hollow Hills because I wanted to make my future better. If he’s part of it, that’s lovely. If he’s not, then I can survive that.”
Mum nodded. “That’s all that matters.”
“He invited me to the palace for New Years, you know,” I confessed.
“Are you going to go?”
“I don’t know that I’m still invited,” I said, “I told him that I didn’t want to see him again. Besides, it isn’t as if I can show up to the palace uninvited. They’d think that I was a crazy person.”
“Well, what are you going to do for New Years then?”
“Seamus invited me to a gig,” I confessed, “he’s going to Owain to perform. I thought about going with him, like the old days.”
“You told him about everything?”
I nodded. “I didn’t feel right, not telling him the truth. I know he thought that I broke up with him because of school but it was because of that night. I hated having him not knowing.”
“Do you still have feelings for him?”
I hesitated. Everything with Seamus had happened so fast, I didn’t know. It had been easy enough to fall into the pattern of being with him. Seamus was familiar. Seamus was my home. Seamus had been my best friend since I was six years old. He’d been there for every, single one of my firsts.
After the gig last night, it was clear that Seamus would have been okay with picking up where we had left off. Especially after I had come clean about what had happened with Cadoc. And my confusion about him and Annie. Everything was out in the air. There was no reason for us not to be together if we wanted it.
“Seamus is always going to be important to me,” I said, “but I don’t feel like I can be with him the same way again. Not after everything that happened. It feels like a betrayal somehow. Even though he knows, and I don’t want to spend my entire life trying to make up for something that was a mistake. Besides, things seem to be picking up for him with his music, and I don’t know how much longer he’ll be around.”
“You’re right,” Mum agreed, “he’s been working with some club promoter, he told me, playing gigs in London. The one that’s coming up is for a private party?”
I nodded. “He doesn’t even know who it’s for. Someone important though, with a guest list. His manager said that there’s going to be a lot of industry type people there. Annie’s coming along with her girlfriend. I don’t know. It might be fun to go and support him.”
“You should go,” Mum encouraged, “whatever happens between you and the Prince, your life isn’t going to be the same. Take the time for yourself that you can. Go, be young, have fun. But you’re spending Christmas with me, right?”
“Of course!” I smiled. “You’re not mad about the suspension?”
“If I'm honest, I thought something like that might happen,” she confessed. “I am relieved that it wasn’t because of a fight, though, which is what I thought it would be for. You were in an impossible situation. Being pursued by a Prince…there are no rules for that. I can let it slide this time, luv. But make sure that it doesn’t become a routine thing, you know?”
“I know,” I said, “trust me, I want to keep my nose clean. I was so worried about telling you. I thought that you would make me come home, and I’d have to give everything up.”
“No,” she said, “You’re exactly where you need to be right now. It will all sort itself out. You’ll see.”
Mum was being so calm about everything. Part of me was almost annoyed by it. If it had been another boy, another school would she have been so calm about everything? With Cadoc, it was like because he was royal, all the rules were different. Seamus had forgiven me. Mum wasn’t upset. It was as though everyone knew that I was in an impossible situation. And I didn’t know what to make of that yet.
- Writer
