Royals and Rebels 2: Love and War

Seven: Penelope Peters

Chapter Seven

Penelope Peters

Audrey sat on her bed in our dorm, watching me get dressed. It was Friday night, and I was supposed to be going out with Jasper. I’d tried on six different outfits, and everything felt wrong. Audrey seemed more amused by this then anything, as she sat on the bed, flipping through magazines.

“You’re never going to find the right outfit,” she said.

I put my hands on my hips, then turned around to face her. “Will you please stop talking nonsense? Whatever it is you are seeing----”

She sat up on the bed and crossed her long legs. “Is exactly right. You can’t find the outfit, because he’s not the right guy. If he were the right guy, you wouldn’t be obsessing so hard over this. It would be open closet, find outfit. It’s not the outfit that has you stressed. It’s Jasper.”

“Jasper’s fine,” I said, “the psychobabble you are spewing, that’s not fine.”

“Please, I have a Ph.D. in Cosmo. I know what I’m talking about. I once dated the lead singer of a boyband, Pen. Once you deal with him and his psycho fans, you can conquer the world.”

“But you broke up,” I reminded her.

In the week that I’d known her, I’d become fluent in the world of Audrey Andrews. Which was as complicated as a CW drama. For six, long years she’d been in love with one of her costars. Grant Green, who had broken her heart by sleeping with Emily Spring, who played the mean girl in the series. Then, she’d met and hooked up with teen heart throb Lennon Lucas in the course of six, heart breaking months. She was also still obsessed with him.

I knew, because she had not stopped talking about him once. Or staring at the scrabble board he’d gotten her for Christmas.

“Because I knew my self-worth,” Audrey said, “I knew when to walk away. You know what I think?”

“No, because I’m not a mind reader,” I said.

“I think that you are scared of the possibilities Cadoc could give you, so you are running.”

“I think I really like the guy who stood in front of my window to sing for me. Just to ask me out and got into a fight with a guy who was being disrespectful on my behalf. I also think that I am sixteen, and I’m not going to be chasing fairy tales when I should be chasing goals.”

Audrey closed her magazine, putting it off to the side. “You’re really serious about this?”

I nodded. “I know who I am, I know where I fit in this world. I don’t need to confuse myself by daydreaming about impossible things. Cadoc is a walking Adele song waiting to happen.”

“Harsh,” Audrey said with a wince.

“Well, it’s true. I’m never going to be the girl that fits into his world. Even fitting into Jaspers, I feel out of place.”

“Then, why are you here?” Audrey asked. “Why not just go home?”

“Because,” I replied, “I…I want to be the kind of girl that can fit in. All my life, my Mum has been a single Mum. My Dad died when I was really young, and the whole world told me that I wasn’t good enough for anything. We were too poor. I was too weird. I want to prove all those people wrong, but I want to do it on my terms, and not because the Prince just happens to like me.”

Audrey smiled. “Okay, okay. I get it. Look, all I care about is you happy. If Jasper is going to make you happy, I want that for you.”

“Good,” I said, “because I like him, alright?”

She shrugged. “Alright.” Then she stood up and walked over to the closet where I had rummaged through everything, I owned it seemed like. She bent over, and picked up a black skirt, and a purple blouse. “Here. Casual, with a hint of sophistication. Wear my Manolo Blahnik shoes.”

“Which ones?” I asked.

“The gold, ballerina print ones.”

I grabbed them and made a face. “Are you sure those will work?”

She nodded. “Trust me. They’re magic.”

I put them on, because if Audrey said they were magic, they must have been. She was the kind of girl who walked into an audition by accident and got the part moments later. Who had her first kiss with the lead singer of a boyband. Whose hair was always perfect, and who never seemed to sweat.

When she said the shoes were magic, I believed her.

The shoes were the final touch. Which was good, because there was a knock on my door just as I slipped them on. “That’s him.”

“Have fun,” said Audrey.

I gave her a hug, then bounded over to the door. Jasper was there, waiting for me. He wore a sport coat, a white shirt, and had tried in vain to get his hair not to be curly.

“Hey,” he said, “you…. you look fantastic.”

“Thanks,” I said, “you don’t look so bad yourself.”

He offered me his hand. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

I followed him out the door. When we left the dorm, I was surprised to see a motorcycle waiting for us. “Is that yours?”

He nodded. “It was the first thing I bought with my first paycheck.”

“How old were you when you became Cadoc’s security guard?”

“Fifteen,” he said, “but I’ve been in training for the position my whole life. From the time we were young, we were brought up together. See, they thought if I thought of him like my brother, I would take my job seriously.”

“That’s kind of warped, isn’t it?” I asked.

“That’s Wales,” he answered, “you know how it is. We put the crown before everything…. if they tell me to do something, I have to do it. I know this week has been weird, and messy, but that’s why I was fighting so hard for you. Cadoc has a habit of taking whatever he wants. Without thinking about the consequences for anyone else. I wanted a chance. That’s it. For however long you’ll take me.”

“Well, I’m in,” I said, “show me what you’ve got, Jefferies.”

He handed me a helmet, and then we got onto the motorcycle. I wrapped my arms around his chest. When Cadoc had had his arm slung over my shoulder, I’d breathed him in. And he’d smelled like cigarettes and mistakes not yet made.

Jasper smelled like grease and sweat, of hard work and familiarity. The kind of things I was used to, that I understood. We sped through the streets of Owain, not stopping until we were at the last place I expected us to be.

In the countryside, about five miles away from the city. At a little thatched cottage with a sign that said: HOME OF CATRIN BANON, 1586-1609, PLAYWRIGHT. ALSO KNOWN AS THE KNIGHT OF HEARTS.

Jasper got off, and he helped me down.

I stared at him. “What…what are we doing here?”

“Audrey helped me plan this. She mentioned you haven’t stopped talking about her since you got here,” he confessed.  “I couldn’t think of where to take you, nothing seemed good enough. She made a call to one of her friends who helps run the place. I’ve got the keys for the night.”

Catrin Banon was a female playwright from the 1500s. Who would dress as a man and wrote under the penname The Knight of Hearts.  or K.H. Her plays include The Doe and The King, Virgin Blood, Of Roses and Ravens, Aphrodite’s Heart, and The Muse.

She has a quote that says, “Artists create to shout at the universe when no one else does.” It’s my favorite quote, and I want to get it tattooed on my arm when I turn eighteen.

I had been to Catrin Banon’s home many times, on school field trips. But it was still my favorite place in all of Wales. I took Jaspers hand, squeezing it. “We really get to go in there, just us?”

“Yes,” he said, “we get to go in there, just us.”

My breath caught. “You really are all in, aren’t you?”

“Always,” he said.

He led me up the tiny path. The home was a museum, normally overrun with tourists and school groups. There was even a tiny gift shop. A girl dressed in period clothing met us at the door to open it, and we slipped in.

I stepped in, and I was a million light years away.

“What’s so special about her?” Jasper asked. “I know she pretended to be a man to write plays, and got locked in a tower, but that’s about it.”

I squeezed his hand again, saying, “If you believed the legend, Catrin Bannon had grown up being friends with the Prince of The Nation of Wales. Prince Arwel. But Arwel was engaged to marry someone else, and so was Catrin. Catrins betrothed was insecure about their friendship. He was also the one who exposed her secret identity as a writer. In the 1500s, a female playwright was considered unfathomable. Her work was hidden away by her brother, and Catrin ended up being locked in a tower for the rest of her life. It was the only kindness her dear Prince could do for her, because it was either that or to burn at the stake.”

The small, thatched house was simple. The house was humble. Done in the black and white Tudor style, it had one, large room with a loft up stairs. The kitchen was the family hearth. Waking into Catrin Bannons home felt like the universe was saying, “You belong here.”

 That this was where Jasper had chosen to take me for my first date, made me melt. The world might have thought Cadoc was better, but Cadoc hadn’t arranged for me to visit my favorite authors house. Cadoc hadn’t fought someone for me. And Cadoc wasn’t the one that had stood outside my window to sing a song he’d written for me. All within a few days of knowing me.

 “What?” he said, hanging his head nervously. “This is lame, isn’t it? I should have gone with the fancy restaurant.”

 I shook my head. “No. No, this was perfect. You’re...perfect.”

 He smiled; his cheeks tinged red. “Yeah?”

 “Yeah,” I replied.

 I’d had one serious boyfriend. Seamus Flannigan. I’d broken up with him because I’d done something stupid no one needed to ever talk about again. It had involved being illegally drunk in a pub, underage, and a boy I didn’t know. Because I was certain he was in love with my cousin. It had been part of the reason I’d been so eager to leave everything behind. To go to a new school in the first place other than the opportunity.

 This kiss was different. Not like kissing Seamus, who always treated me like I was breakable, or like the stranger in the pub. I had to stand on my tip toes to reach him. Jasper saw what I was doing, he bent down his head, and wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up. My legs wrapped around his waist for balance and he walked me over to the wall, slamming my back into it. I hissed in pain a little, but the pain felt so good I didn’t care.

 I was a disco song. Glittery, perfect, and breathless singing, “More, more, more.” He tasted like cheap beer and home, and I never wanted his mouth to leave mine.

 That night, I learned all about Jasper Jefferies. We stayed up late telling each other everything we could about one another. And we fell asleep in the reproduction of the Tudor style bed the museum had, with me clutching his shirt. If we weren’t supposed to, no one said a damn thing. I had a feeling no one  wanted to piss off the future Captain Of The Guard.

 I woke up to my phone vibrating. There were at least a dozen texts and missed calls from Audrey.

 Jasper was still asleep.

 “Where are you?” Audrey demanded.

 “I’m with Jasper,” I whispered, “why are you calling?”

 “TELL HER NOT TO f**k HIM,” I heard a very slurred, posh male voice sound in the background.

 “Shut up!” Audrey hissed.

 I winced, and for up from the bed, going outside so that Jasper wouldn’t hear. “Tell me that’s not who I think it is.”

 “Your stray puppy showed up last night, drunk,” Audrey said. “He slept on your bed, and I’m pretty sure he puked on your comforter.”

 “Are you kidding me?” I grumbled.

 “Let me talk to ‘er,” Cadoc slurred, “I wan to talk to her.”

 “Oh god, I’m so happy I was never attracted to you, this would ruin everything,” said Audrey, “please come back. I can’t get him out of here•

 I heard footsteps behind me and heard Jasper sighing.

 “Drunk, isn’t he?”

 I didn’t answer him.

 “I’ll be right there,” I replied.

 We both looked at each other, grimaces on our faces. We sped through Owain on Jaspers motorcycle, in the early morning light, and Jasper dropped me off at my dorm.

 “Want me to come?” he asked. “I mean, he is my job after all...”

 I shook my head. “Think that will only make it worse. Look, let me go talk to him. Calm him down a bit. Audrey’s got her driver, she can send him home. Just don’t let him ruin this, okay? You just gave me the most magical night of my life. YOU. Not him.”

 He smiled, looking sheepish. I wrapped my arms around his neck, stood on tip toe, and kissed him hard. He leaned against me, a moan escaping him, when I pulled away he looked at me like I was a wish that had just come true. There was no one quite like Jasper Jefferies. And, even better, it didn’t take a title to make him special. He just was.

 “Call me?” I said.

 “Yes,” he said, “hell yes.”

 He looked like a man that had won the lottery as he walked away. I went into the girl dorms, and slowly walked up to my room with Audrey. Dreading what I might find there.

 Inside, Prince Cadoc of The Nation of Wales was sprawled across the floor, hugging the old care bear I had. “Shakespeare!” he shouted.

 His blond hair was mixed, he had a bit of puke on his shirt. There was nothing charming about him at that moment.

 “C’mon your highness,” I said, picking him up from the bed, one arm wrapped around my shoulder, “let’s go have a chat.”

 Audrey looked at me warily. “You sure you want to be alone with him?”

 “It will be okay,” I assured her, and dragged a clingy, wobbly Cadoc out of my dorm.

 I took him to the only place I could think of that would have been deserted on a Saturday. The Astronomy Tower. Hollow Hills, amongst other things, was noted for its intensive science program. Many of their graduates went on to work in The Pendragon Space Program. The Astronomy Tower had been built sometime in the eighteen hundreds. It had been donated by Lord Owain for his son as a birthday gift. It had a giant, golden telescope as its center feature. Along with fifty, smaller ones for night observation. Since the school became coed, at least six couples had gotten caught making out there.

 It was blissfully empty, and when I opened the door, I roughly shoved Cadoc in.

 “That was rude,” he informed me.

 “So are you,” I replied.

 He glared at me, resembling a pouty toddler. “Why him?”

 “Sit,” I ordered.

 There were several desks, and he plopped himself down into the nearest one.

 “Do you know what kind of a commitment you are?” I asked.

 He raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

 “You are a commitment,” I told him, “if I were your girlfriend, I wouldn’t just be your girlfriend. I would be the country’s girlfriend. Everything I did would be watched, and people would expect me to be Queen. I’m sixteen years old, Cadoc. I can’t let the world know who I am, before I even do.”

“So, I’m never going to be with you?” he said. “That’s it, by default? That’s bullshit, Pen. Bullshit. Whatever this is between us, it’s not just a moment or a flash in the pan. I felt it that first day, when you looked at me…like you didn’t care who I was. I need that, Pen. I need…. I need someone who looks at me like I’m human, and not a title. You’re the first person that’s done that. The first woman, I should say.”

His swirling grey eyes were storming. I wanted to calm him down, to kiss him, to tell him that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn’t do any of those things without making promises I couldn’t keep. Not at sixteen. I wouldn’t hurt this boy in front of me. This boy, upon whom a whole world would someday rely on.

If he was broken, I wouldn’t be one of the reasons why.

I sighed. “Three years.”

“Three years?” he raised an eyebrow.

“You’re a commitment, Cadoc. A forever. I’m much too young to be thinking about forever’s right now but in three years…. we’ll have known each other. Been friends, I hope. After three years, I can think about being with you.”

A flicker of hope sparked in his eyes. “But you’re still going to date him, aren’t you?” There was a bitter venom in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m going to date him,” I said, “and who knows? Maybe other boys too. I’m sixteen. I’m going to enjoy being sixteen, and you should too because this is the last bit of freedom you’ll have.”

“Can I kiss you sometimes?” he said. “Just to know there’s still hope?”

I hesitated. “Once,” I replied, “on New Years Eve.”

He raised an eyebrow. “On New Years Eve? Why then?”

“A New Years Eve kiss doesn’t mean anything. People are drunk either on liquor or happiness. If we kiss each other on New Year’s, it won’t really mean anything the next day. And if you can go a whole year without wanting to kiss me, including New Years, then it won’t mean anything at the end of the day.”

“Fine,” he said, “but I want a promise.”

“What kind of promise?”

“That you’ll spend New Year’s with me,” he replied, “every year, without fail. No exceptions. For the next three years, to make sure you honor your end of the bargain.”

I stared at him, shocked. I hadn’t thought he would be clever enough to think that up.

“Fine,” I said, “but it can’t be just me.”

“It won’t be,” he said, “I have to spend it with my family anyway. We do holidays at Hiraeth.”

“Well, isn’t that tidy,” I didn’t bother to hide my sarcasm.

“How are you going to know if you want to consider me if you don’t know me?” he asked. “Look, Jasper will be there, and if it makes you feel better, I’ll invite Audrey and whoever you want.”

“Fine,” I said, “fine, but all of this with chopsing between us, don’t you think that someone from your family is going to get suspicious?”

“Well, my sister already knows,” he admitted, “and this is hardly chopsing. If you want to hear real chopsing, you should hear our cook and butler. This is mediating.”

I coughed. “The Princess knows about me?”

“Don’t be too impressed. She also snores,” he said, “but yes, she knows about you. Of course, she does. I tell her everything, and she’s the most important person in the world to me. If you’re going to give me a real chance, Penelope Peters, that means my whole world.”

I let it sink in what he was asking me. What he was demanding of me. I would have to be in the world of the royals, to get to know people like the King and Queen. And have “royal insiders” speculating on what my relationship was to the Prince.

“Just promise me something,” I said.

“Anything,” he answered.

“This gets to be my choice. Not yours, not the worlds, mine. You don’t get a say in my dating life. You don’t get a say in my friends beyond what’s normal. You won’t try to make this work in your favor. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, we agree to let each other go. Do you understand? No getting the paparazzi to capture me on camera, no drugging my drinks---”

He made a face. “Do you really think I’d do that?”

I sighed. “I’m just saying, we’ve got to play this fair. I know you’re used to getting what you want. Just don’t think you can get me just because you want me. I’m not a trinket, Cadoc.”

“No,” he said, his eyes softening, you’re priceless.”

“Okay,” I said, “then, we’ve an understanding? Three years.”

“Three years,” he agreed.

“And if any point we want to beg off, just say, Slan aagat.”

“Goodbye,” he whispered.

“Yes,” I nodded.

“Alright,” he said, “alright. I can do that.”

“Think you can get yourself home?”

He hung his head. “I’m only hung over now, I think.”

“Good. Go sleep it off.”

He looked up at me, a wicked twinkle in his grey eyes. “I’d rather sleep with you.”

I blushed, said nothing, and slipped out. I made the long walk back to my dorm room. Audrey opened the door the minute that I was out.

“How did you know I was here so fast?” I asked.

She smiled. “Find my friend,” she replied, “I programmed you in like the first day.”

“Weirdo,” I told her.

She tilted her head to the side as she opened the door for me. “You okay?” I stepped inside the room, closing it behind me.

“I don’t know,” I confessed.

“What happened?” she asked. She sat down on her bed. I sat down next to her.

“We made a compromise.”

“A compromise?”

“He won’t do anything until I’m eighteen. But I’ve got to celebrate New Years with him. He wants me to know his family, his world.”

Audrey furrowed her brows together. “I don’t understand.”

I sighed. “I told him that he was a forever, and I wasn’t ready for that. That I needed time. So, he’s giving me that, but we’re going to be friends in the meantime. That involves getting to know each other, and if at any point one of us begs off, we’ll just say goodbye.”

“I don’t know if it’s depressing or romantic,” Audrey said.

“It’s Holy Ground,” I replied.

She looked at me knowingly. In the way of someone who has spent their teen years blaring the Red album can only understand. The rest of the weekend, I spent alone in my room, trying to catch up on homework.

I talked with Jasper a few times, and we even took a walk around the school’s courtyard on Sunday. The easiness that we had had with our date had tilted slightly, as if he knew even though I hadn’t told him anything about the conversation I’d had with Cadoc. I didn’t know why it mattered.

At the end of the day, it was an empty promise. Cadoc was a teenage boy who would forget about me in a month. Crown or no crown. Three years from now, we’d be nothing but strangers. Memories of youth and what might have been. A story with dust on every page.