Royals and Rebels 2: Love and War

Fifteen: Penelope Peters

Chapter Fifteen

Penelope Peters

Jasper was coming back. Cadoc had told me earlier that day, and now I was pacing around the dorm room, checking my phone every five minutes. I wanted him. I needed him. Audrey, meanwhile, was sitting on her bed working on her French paper. Every few seconds, she would glance up at me with her nose scrunched up in annoyance.

“Will you stop that?” she demanded.

“I can’t help it,” I said, “it’s been a whole month, and our relationship is still so new. That’s a long time to go without seeing each other. What if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? What if I f****d everything up because of this whole Cadoc mess?”

“You didn’t do anything with Cadoc,” she reminded me, “you’re completely innocent. Even though I’ve been trying to get you two to shag since day one, you remain Snow White.”

“I know,” I said, “but when I saw him last…. we….”

Audrey placed her laptop to the side, looking at me as if I were a Kardashian about to divulge drama. “Did you sleep with Jasper Jefferies?”

I blushed. “No. We just…. fooled around.”

Fooled around had been putting it mildly. When we were left alone, Jasper had lowered me onto the cot in his tent, lifted my skirt, and inched his hand in under my panties. Under his touch, I had had my first orgasm, a panting, breathy thing that had made me lose all sense of control.

Audrey waggled her eyebrows. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

I blushed. “We were just kissing, and then he…”

“Were you okay with it?” Audrey asked, concern in her voice. “He didn’t force you or anything, did he?”

“It wasn’t like that,” I said, “we were both caught up in the heat of the moment, and I don’t know…. I certainly didn’t hate it, so….”

“But you don’t sound happy about it,” said Audrey.

I paused. I was happy about it, wasn’t I? How was someone supposed to sound after something like that? We hadn’t really talked about s*x, or anything too important really. After all, we’d only really been together for a month.

We barely knew each other.

I liked him but did I want to be that serious with him? Was I ready for that?

“Because typically, once a boy starts thinking he can go there, he won’t stop,” said Audrey, “and it’s very hard to get them to go back to how things were. You know, before the intimacy.”

The world had a funny sense of timing because there was a knock on the door just then. We both looked from the door back to each other.

“Pen?” Jasper’s deep voice asked. “You in there?”

Beaming, I ran to the door. It had only been a month, but in that month Jasper had completely changed. I knew he’d had a buzz cut because he’d had it the last time I’d seen him. But basic training had left him bigger, bulkier than he already was, and the camo that he was wearing only served to emphasize the fact that he was a killing machine.

“You’re back!” I squealed, wrapping my arms around him as I kissed him first on the forehead, then the neck, then he pulled me into a deep kiss of his own.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice deeper, huskier somehow. “I’m back. I’m sorry. I should have told you I had training.”

“It’s okay,” I insisted, “we covered all of this last time, remember? I get it. Obligation. Responsibilities.”

“Are you doing anything important right now?” he asked.

“Waiting for you,” I said, “but you’re here, so that’s done. Now all I want to do is spend time with you.”

“Good,” he said, “grab your stuff. Let’s go out, yeah? Just you and me.”

He pressed his forehead against mine. He was so tall, and his body practically covered mine every time he bent down.

“Yeah,” I said, “I’d like that. I’ll grab my stuff, and be out in a sec.”

“Sounds good.” He smiled, then glanced over at Audrey. “Andrews. Keeping out of trouble?”

“Always,” she said with a smirk.

“Lennon Lucas says hello,” he said with a cheeky grin of his own.

“Shove it, Jefferies.”

He winked at her, laughing good naturedly, and went to go wait for me while I gathered my things. I closed the door behind him, then turned back to Audrey.

“Shite!” I exclaimed.

“Shite is right,” she said with a nod, “Jefferies went full on smoke show during basic training.”

“I think I want to climb him like a tree,” I murmured.

“I can hear you!” Jasper called from outside.

I blushed. “Shite!”

Audrey laughed evily. “Need a condom?”

“Shut up,” I hissed.

It was fall, so I grabbed an old, black pea coat I had, along with a scarf, slipped on some boots, grabbed my cell phone, and my purse. Once I was outside, Jasper stood, with a grin on his face.

“So, you like the packaging, eh?”

“Shut up,” I said, “you weren’t supposed to hear that and you know it.”

“We could do a repeat of what happened on my cot,” he whispered into my ear, his breath hot against my neck.

“No,” I said abruptly, “no…. I…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” he demanded.

Because I’m worried that having s*x with you might piss off the Welsh Prince. But it wasn’t like I could say that without making things weird.

“I think we took things too far last time,” I told him, “and I don’t want to give you the idea that I’m ready for something that I’m not.” I’d had s*x. I wasn’t a virgin. I’d even had s*x with a stranger. But somehow, having s*x with Jasper Jefferies seemed like the end of the world to me.

And I couldn’t figure out why. Or didn’t want to.

He scowled at me. “Let me ask you something, Pen. I don’t want you to lie to me, either. Because I’m tired of being lied to. If it were him, would you be ready?”

I stepped back against the bedroom door. “Jasper, you can’t ask me that.”

“I deserve to know the answer,” he said, “I’m not stupid, you know. The only reason that he brought you out there was so that he could be in your good graces again. It had nothing to do with caring about us or being his friends. It was all so he could show you what a good guy he was. It’s the same with this whole double date nonsense, and I’m just…. I’m not playing this game anymore.”

“We’re not playing a game,” I insisted, “I’m with you.”

“But you don’t want to be with me,” he said, “not the way that it truly means to be part of a relationship. It’s not about the s*x, even. When I kiss you, I don’t feel like you’re thinking about me.”

“It’s new,” I reminded him.

“Yeah?” he said. “What about when it isn’t? I know about New Years, Pen. I know about the fashion show. I know that he’s slowly trying to pull you into his world. I have to know. I’m his god damned security.”

I winced. “Jasper, please. Please. I like you. You’re the one that I’m with.”

“But I’m not the one you want,” he said, “and I deserve to be with someone who wants me, Pen.”

I hated how right that he was. Tears were streaming down my face, and I couldn’t even recall when I’d started crying. His face fell as he saw my tears, and he kissed my forehead, wiping them away.

“I’m taking myself out of the picture, alright?” he said. “After finals, I’m going to go home. I’ve got the option to study there, and that’s really where I should have been. You figure out whatever the hell you need to figure out. But promise me something, Penelope.”

“What?” I croaked, aware of just how raspy my voice was now from crying.

“Don’t let him write your story, okay?” he reached up to stroke back a strand of my brown hair. “Make sure that you’re with him because you want to be. Not because he wants you to.”  

I could make no reply except to let out a choking sob. He heaved a sigh, and I watched him walk away from the dorm room. I didn’t expect that he would be going back to the off-campus apartment that night. I expected that he would be staying in the dorm, as far away from Cadoc as he could get.

I watched him until he rounded the corner, and when he was gone I slipped back into the dorm room. Audrey was there, with her knees pressed up against her chest, and a somber expression on her face.

“You okay?” she asked.

“No,” I answered, wiping tears away from my face.

She smiled. “I’ve just the thing.”

She rummaged through her dresser, pulling out a bottle of peach schnapps. I burst out laughing, completely surprised yet not at the same time.

“How’d you get that in here?”

She shrugged. “I’m a rich girl. I’ve got my ways. Want some? It won’t make you feel better, but it will make you forget. For a little while, anyway.”

“Sounds lovely,” I said.

She patted the empty space next to her on the bed. Uncorking the bottle, we swapped it back and forth, and then she put on Netflix and we streamed Gossip Girl. Watching other people’s drama was a practically a palate cleanser after dealing with ours.

I stopped sobbing somewhere in between the fourth episode, long enough that Audrey looked over at me.

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

“Join a convent,” I replied, only half joking. With Jasper in the picture, I felt like I had a good stopping block. Now with him gone, I was on my own, completely at the mercy of Prince Cadoc. Who no doubt would be gleeful about me being single.

“No, seriously,” she said, “you could totally be with him if you wanted, you know. No one would blame you.”

“It’s still not the right timing,” I said, “I told you, I don’t even know who I am yet, and I haven’t even made my way in the world of writing. I don’t want to be known as the Prince’s girlfriend before the world knows who I am.”

“Well, alright,” she said, “but I still think you’re going about this all wrong. You two could be really great for each other.”

“Hey, called Lennon back yet?”

She quieted, a scowl on her face. “That’s just mean.”

“Hey, if I have to deal with this bullshite, you do too. I can’t be the only one with drama, you know.”

“We kissed the night of the party,” she admitted, “and we’ve been talking again.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, “he wants me to come to the Caribbean with him for Spring Break. He’s recording a new album, and he said that I could bring a friend if I wanted. Some of his bandmates from Crush are going to be there. Could be the perfect getaway. You up for it?”

I winced. “I don’t really have the money to go jet setting off to the Caribbean.”

“Nonsense. We’ll be staying with him, completely free, flying out, also completely free, and as for the rest I’ll cover it. Just consider it payback for you being my emotional support guardian.”

“It wouldn’t feel right.”

“Please?” she said. “I’m begging you. Help me do it so that I don’t make a million mistakes. Also, consider it fodder for the tell all I know you’re going to write about going to fancy, Welsh boarding school and all of the crazy characters you’ll meet.”

“Not if Cadoc gets his way,” I muttered, “if Cadoc gets what he wants, I’ll have succumbed to him by the time I’m eighteen and we’ll get married in a ceremony where I’ll have a full-on Princess Diana dress.

Audrey cackled. “All the more reason for you to come with me. Think of it as the great adventure. You need as many of those as you possibly can before you give your heart away to the future King.”

“We don’t know that I’m going to do that,” I corrected.

She smiled. “Oh, but we do.”

“Fine, I’ll go, but you’ve got to promise that you will be my buffer at this fashion show thing Cadoc is making us go. Tell me, is Princess Arwen going to be nice or horrible?”

“Arwen’s lovely,” Audrey assured me, “and she’s already curious about you. I’ve talked with her a few times.”

“What about the Queen? What about the King?”

“Well, the Queen is on the search for a Kate Middleton type for Cadoc, so just be careful. She’s tried to rope me in a few times. She’ll probably love you.”

“What about his father?” I asked.

“Eh, I wouldn’t count on him being warm and fuzzy. But he’s never been warm and fuzzy about anything.”

“Will there be food?” I asked. “At the fashion show?”

“After party,” she said, “and you get gift bags.”

“This really doesn’t sound fun.”

“It will be wonderful,” Audrey told me, “anyway, you’ll be fine. You’ll blow them all away.”

“I don’t know that I want to,” I said, “what if Jasper is there?”

“It will be fine,” said Audrey, “look, do you care for Cadoc?”

I hesitated. “I barely know Cadoc. But…. there’s something there. I’m sixteen, there shouldn’t be but….”

“You feel it?” Audrey asked.

I nodded. “I don’t know, it’s like when he walks into a room, my heart glows. Does that sound stupid?”

“No,” she said, “I get it. The glowing thing is kind of addicting.”

“Is that how Lennon makes you feel?” I asked.

She blushed. “Yeah.”

“I hope it works out for you.”

“Me too,” she said.