Thirty-Three: Penelope Peters
1408 Words
Chapter Thirty-Three
Penelope Peters
When I woke the third time, it was not Cadoc sitting in the chair by my bed. Instead, I saw Jasper, in his cameo gear, complete with boots and a black beret. Ever the soldier, come off the field.
“Jasper?” I whispered.
Jasper shifted awake, smiling that Sebastian Stan smile of his. “Hello, Caru.”
I blushed at the term of endearment. Caru. Love. “Don’t go saying things you can’t take back.”
Jasper shrugged. “Who says that I want to take them back?”
“Cadoc,” I said, “before he kills you for saying them in the first place.”
“Well, I don’t much care what Cadoc thinks,” he said.
He leaned forward in his chair, resting his cheek on his fist, “All I care about is what you think, Penelope Peters. That’s all that will ever matter to me in this game of cat and mouse.”
“It’s hardly a game,” I muttered, “I’m not leading you on, Jasper.”
“Oh, I know. If it were a game, it’d be more fun. It’s more like a battle for your heart.”
“I’m not worth the heartache,” I said, “besides, what about Addington?”
“Andrew’s a prat,” he said, “who will never give a s**t about me. And I never gave a s**t about him. You sometimes look at me like I’m giving you a whole new world. I like that look.”
“Did you ever think that Andrew felt that way because you keep on looking at me with such adoration?” I challenged.
He shrugged. “You don't know what you're talking about, Pen. You’re prettier, anyway. But we aren’t here to talk about who is the prettiest. We’re here to talk about you. How are you?”
I sank down in my bed. “My Mum’s dead, Jasper. I don’t know who my father is, and there’s a bunch of men deciding my future. If it wasn’t for my involvement with Cadoc, no one would care. But because they think that I am a threat, who adopts me involves the state of the union.”
“Monarchy,” he corrected.
“Either way, no one’s asking me what I want or what I need.”
He stared at me. “What do you want?” He leaned forward. “Because you know, you’ve got options. You don’t have to do exactly what they say. Have you ever thought about joining The Guard?”
I raised an eyebrow. “The Guard?”
“The Guard can take in citizens in the state of an emergency,” said Jasper. "Including a young woman who has lost her mother in a terrorist attack.”
It was almost tantalizing. The idea of joining the guard, of taking control of my future. But once you joined The Guard, there was no leaving it.
His face fell. “I saw a flicker of hope…and then it was gone.”
“That’s a different kind of control,” I said.
“You know that’s what being with him will be like,” Jasper told me, “you’ll lose any kind of power.”
I shook my head. “He doesn’t make me feel anything like that. He makes me feel like I have power.”
“It shouldn’t be about power,” said Jasper, “it should be about equality. Give and take, that’s what love is, not about conquering each other.”
I sighed. “You must think that I’m a fool.”
“Not a fool,” said Jasper, “insane, but not a fool. You know how this will end don’t you? There’s no way that you walk away from this without a crown on your head. He might give you the illusion of freedom, but you were his from the minute I decided hat I wanted you.”
I stared at him. “You didn’t want me.”
“I wanted you,” he said, “I wanted you the minute I saw you looking lost coming up those stairs. I still want you, if you’ll have me. Let me keep you safe. This world, Pen, you don’t know it.”
I stiffened. “Jasper, that’s the difference.”
“What is the difference?” Jasper said.
“Between you and him,” I said, “he doesn’t want to protect me. He wants me to take the world with him.”
He sighed. “Well, don’t say I never tried.”
“You did try,” I said, “and your lovely…. but you know that you aren’t in love with me.”
“No?” he said.
“No,” I said, “you only like the idea of me. Naïve lost girl. I was never a naïve lost girl. I had to learn to walk the walk and talk the talk. Besides, if you’re looking for someone to save, you should focus on Addington.”
“Addington hates me,” he said, “besides, I’m not interested in Addington.”
“You’re not interested in Addington?” I asked. “I thought that Cadoc said----”
“Cadoc is a moron,” Jasper said, “I was never interested in Addington, and I never slept with him. It was the easiest way to keep Andrew from getting killed by Cadoc for what he actually did.”
“What did he actually do?” I asked.
Jasper winced, and realization dawned on me.
“Arwen?” I gasped.
Jasper nodded. “That was why Arwen and I have been acting so weird with each other. She’s been trying to keep me from telling Cadoc the truth. That Addington and her have been banging like rabbits since last summer. But Addington is a pompous ass who treats women like dirt. So if the world found out about them, Cadoc would----”
“Commit murder,” I said, “Jasper Jefferies, you are a prince among men.”
He chuckled. “Hardly. I’m a gluten for punishment, is what I am.”
“Well, who makes your heart stir?” I asked. “Because it isn’t me. I'm nothing but a challenge for you.”
“What makes you so sure?” he asked.
“I can only assume that this rivalry between you and Cadoc started somewhere. Who was the result of it?”
He sighed. “Gwyneth.”
“Gwyneth?” I raised an eyebrow. “You hate Gwyneth.”
“I’ve been f*****g Gwyneth off and on for several years.”
“Cadoc knows?” I asked.
He laughed. “If Cadoc knew, I’d be dead. Gwyneth made me keep it a secret. I wanted to tell him a million times, but she wouldn’t let me. Gwyneth was also the one who came up with the rules about them being casual.”
“Convenient,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter. She’ll never settle for someone like me.” He hung his head, taking off his black beret, and running his hand through his buzz cut.
“I don’t see you as settling,” I said, “you’re a great man, Jasper.”
“Not for you though,” he said with a smile.
I sighed. “In another lifetime,” I told him, “but not this one.”
“No, not this one.” He shook his head. “So, you won’t join The Guard?”
“No,” I answered, “I won’t join the guard.”
“Then,” said Jasper, “be careful, Pen. Remember what I told you. Don’t let them write your story.”
“I won’t,” I said.
- Writer
