Living in the Darkness

ONE

Malamig na hangin ang bumalot sa katawan ko habang nakatanaw sa mga pulang rosas sa aking harapan na nagpapalala sa aking yumaong lola. 

Parang kailan lang, buhat buhat n'ya ko sa kan'yang mga braso habang tinuturang kumanta sa edad na anim na taon. Kasama ang mga pinsan ko na sinasabayan ako sa pagkanta.

Ang lola ang naging sandalan ko sa lahat.

Dad and mom are always proud of my brother. They didn't even notice me. Gusto ko makita nila ang markang pinaghirapan ko na hindi kataasan.

Pakiramdam kon hindi ako kasali sa pamilyang 'to dahil doon. I am Diana, a b***h. 

My brother and cousins are smart...I don't know but me is not. I had a bad grades since i was grades school but it doesn't mean i am stupid. Academics is my weakness. Mom hired me a tutor for that but still didn't change. 

Lahat sila may pangarap habang ako ay hindi ko alam anong gusto ko. Ang gusto ko na na lagi kong sinasabi pero hindi ko naman kaya.

My dad is a lawyer while my mom is designer. My brother is successful lawyer like my dad. They are both successful while me. Hindi ko alam paano ako nakaahon sa pag-aaral.

I graduated without honors, i graduated having a bad grades. 83 is my highest grades, i didn't reach 90 so on... My cousins doesnt care about my grades, i am so envy to them. They  are doesnt care about their grades while me? I studied hard, memorize all topics and end up mental blocked.

Ang hirap.

Dad was disappointed also mom that's why i became distance to them. 

My mama, mom's mom is always helping me also papa. They didn't give me up. Sobrang tinutukan nila ako tulad ng kapatid ko. I want to be a fashion designer but i end up BA. I am taking a business because i thought that was a easiest course. I studied London with Angel, nakaipon dahil sa pag mamanage kay Angel.

I don't have communication with them.

I never had.

I don't know what's happening to me. I became cold and distance. I am trying hard to be warm to my cousins, i am comfortable with them but something is missing.

Nag simula ito nang magising ako sa hospital ng walang alam. I don't know what's happening to me. The doctor said i have Selective Amnesia. Mama was worried about me. Hindi ko na maalala ang lahat.

Pumapasok ako ng hindi alam ang nangyayari. May gusto akong maalala nang hindi ko alam kung ano.

Starting that day, mom and dad are always checking me. They are contacting Angel about me. I am still communicating with mama and papa, the rest none.

"Diana." napatingin ako kay Kuya. 

It's been two years since mama died, papa died first before mama. They died in a same date but different year. I was devastated that time. Kuya was there for me.

Hindi ko kinakaya ang lahat. 

"Dinner is ready." 

Mabilis akong tumango sa kanya. Smiling is really hard for me. I can't smiled like before. 

Davin Aragon is the hottest lawyer in Philippines. Mana kay daddy ika nga nila. Well, that was true. Dad and kuya are same face me, actually. They are both joker. 

Pumasok na ko sa loob at agad sinalubong ng anak nilang si Devin na ngumingisi. Like his father, pareho sila ng ugali.

Divine is a three years old, while Devin is Seven years old. Masasabi mo na pare pareho sila ng ugali.

Sa pag pasok ko dun ay agad napatingin sakin sila mom and dad. They are both sighed while me is staring the long table.

"Diana sit." Kuya pushed me a bit and pulled a chair for me. I don't have a choice. 

Devin and Kuya are so nosy. They are both grinning while saying to each other how much they are handsome. Ofcourse, Divine butt in to tell them that they are both ugly. 

"Diana." napatingin ako kay mommy. "What is your plan?"

Angel thought is Designer is my course.. When she found out that i took business, she was shocked. Of course! When we were kids, i am the one who courage them to take that course but i am the one who didn't took it. 

"Putting up a business, again." 

My last business was failed. Nalugi ako. I am trying to create a name in business field but i always failed. Like before.

"Diana." mom called me. "Why don't you just travel or do anything you want. Business is not a joke ilang beses ka na nag f---"

"Like before. I am such a failure." i sighed. "I don't have appetite, excuse me." 

"Stay and eat with us." dad said coldly. "Talk your mom. She just wants a best for you." i glanced mom.

I am bit guilty for being rude. "It's okay, hon." mom said. "Eat, Diana."

Tahimik ko ng pinagpatuloy ang pagkain ko. Pagkatapos no'n ay umalis ako sa hapag kainan ng walang paa-paalam.

Mabilis ako umakyat sa kwarto at nahiga. I don't want to sleep. Dahil alam ko mananaginip na naman ako ng masama tapos hindi ko maalala. 

Pero kahit anong pilit kong hindi matulog ay nakatulog ako.

I found myself running, some people are chasing after me. They have a gun. Tumatawa sila habang hinahabol ako and they keep saying that they need to get even. 

I found myself in a small house. i saw a woman bathing with her own blood. And i have a gun in my hand. A kid is also crying. 

"You killed her!"

"NO!" 

Binalibag ko ng baril na hawak ko. And a man without face is now infront of me keep on saying that i killed his mom.

"DIANA!" napadilat ako.

Gulat ako ng makita si mommy. Pinunasan n'ya ang muka ko at doon ko napansin na umiiyak ako. Basang basa ako ng pawis. Daddy is behind her. 

"You had a bad dream anak. What it is?" Dad askes me with a worried tone.

"I can't remember." that was true. 

Inikot ko ang ulo ko. Dad sat beside me and wiped my tears. "Are you okay?" i nodded.

They didn't leave me when i got home from London. They are always here for me. Even dad is cold, he's getting warm to me sometimes. Mom is scared at me when i am being rude. 

They changed a lot unlike before. Act like they didn't care about me. I don't know what's happening that night. They became clingy and worried about me. I can't remember.