To Endure A Little More

FIVE

*Aelia's Point of View*

"Look what a scene we have here." The voice of Harvey reached out to us from the other end of the hallway as he walked into the scene, his palms clapping as an undefinable look rested on his face. The same man who claimed to be my boyfriend yet never give a damn about me, he now looked as if he's ready to fight Luan for holding me. I looked at him in disbelief. Harvey observed us with flare in his eyes and he let out a sneer followingly at seeing the position we were in. Luan immediately helped me stand on my own. His eyes met the fiery eyes of his friend and both looked as if they were ready to come to blows.

Harvey proceeded forward in loud steps to come closer to us. A roguish smirk had oddly creeped up on his face and without waiting a further second, he hits Luan, appearing to be disappointed over the fact that he never expected his close friend to do this. To speak further into the details on how he looked, his expression seemed to be throwing an image of affliction like he had just been betrayed. Although, his expression spoke otherwise, as though he'd been waiting for this moment. He looked at me in such a way that it appeared like I had just cheated on him but his expression rather gave the impression that he must be feeling relieved on it, in spite of feeling played.

Luan stays stiff to his ground as he gently rubs his thumb over the bleeding corner of his lips. My fist clenches as I feel a rage derive within me for he had hurt Luan because the latter didn't deserve it. A scornful laugh escapes his injured pink tinted lips. Harvey steps closer to stand in front of me, looking like he was guarding me from the laughing man.

"What are you even talking about?" Luan inquired. "Without knowledge on what's happening here, you dare touch me? Moreover with the very hands you touched so many more, without any concerns for your relationship with Aelia."  He scoffed with the inability and refusal to accept Harvey's pretentious act in front off me which he knew wasn't true or real.

"Ahhh right, you never let Aelia know that. You never let her know how all you ever did was play with her innocent heart! Now...how long will you keep deceiving her?"

"You bastard, you're dead today!" Harvey stomps forward to throw hands at him again. But just as he pushes Luan at the chest, hard, I pull at his sleeve.

"What is he talking about?" The both look at me. "What does Luan mean by that?" I ask, face bereft of any expression as my heart feels baffled in perplexity. My eyes catch Luan's as Harvey turns to look him in the eye too.

"What? Oh no, you don't want me to spill the tea, do you?" Luan's voice had a scornful, mocking tone to it.  "He's been screwing her behind your back!" 

Tears brim up to my eyes before I even process Luan"s words properly. Harvey grabs a hold my hand and pulls me towards him. My mind in a state of shock which causes my body to stiffen and tense up. He takes me to the staircase, away from Luan, but I pull my hand back immediately.

"I will let you explain." I say, giving him a chance to fix the misunderstanding. Wanting him to say it was all a prank or et cetera because I couldn't believe the words that Luan had just spit out. Even though I had my doubts all along from the way Harvey had been pushing me away lately, I still hoped Luan was lying. I wasn't ready for my heart to break again. Once again, as a consequence of my reckless decisions.

"Well, I just got angry so I beat him up a little. I can't handle anyone touching my girl, even if it's my best friend." Harvey let out a chuckle to ease the tension in the air.

"And yet, you're totally fine with Jeremy touching me. You're words are making me think you take advantage of any feelings Jeremy may have for me in his heart and bribe him with me just so you could drive his fancy car and go wherever the hell you go every night."

"What? No! I always sleep at the dorms, where would I go with his car at night?!"

"Stop it Harvey! You think I didn't notice your dorm room being empty everyday. Moreover, seriously you think Tarren wouldn't tell me how you sneak out always. He's been my best friend from before you even knew him!"

"No...baby, I can explain" A tear leaves my eyes as I fail holding it back before I cover it up with a ridiculous laughter. "You know... if you really had to play with me, you at least should've learnt know how to!" 

"Just answer me, you know very well know what I am talking about... Who is the her?"

"Um..." he starts with a stammer. "Aaghh Aelia, I'm sorry, goddamnit! I was going to talk to you abou-" Harvey stutters which gave Aelia all the answer she needed. Before he could finish, Luan shoves the now crying guy out of my way as he reaches out to save me from my situation. But just as he grabs my wrist, Harvey held his to stop him.

"Wait..." he says.

"Leave my hand" Luan speaks through gritted teeth in a low, triggered voice. Harvey doesn't reply but yet doesn't leave his hand.

"Didn't you hear? Leave my hand!

I said LEAVE MY HAND NOW!" He hollers in anger, his grip at my hand tightening which scares me.

Harvey leaves him as he stumbles behind, feeling a little taken aback by the rage Luan started fuming in all out of a sudden and he starts to walk, taking me with him. But just as Harvey's out of the sight, I make Luan leave my hand. The boy turns to face my sobbing form. I notice his eyes soften at looking into tear-filled ones; the very eyes I have seen hold no emotion for the past few years. I grow weaker as my eyes meet his, wanting to fall to my knees and collapse, just to get a rest for once. I choose to run away and gladly, I was not followed by him. He granted me my space which I was grateful for.

*timeskip*

The cotton like clouds floated away in the marmalade sky as time flies by faster than every breath I took. And I was notified that the day was transitioning into evening. I bring out my phone from my pocket to check that it's 5:36 pm which makes it two hours of me sitting up here, idle. Despite how much hard I tried, I couldn't help bringing myself to think about my current state. It had me feel fatigued and worn out. Just as I tried starting over, pulling my life back together, life had to have it all go in vain again. It felt As if life never wants to me to recover and live on, it keeps rubbing the ashes of my demons on me, that I try hard to burn down with my flames of will and hope. But seems to never work. Life keeps reminding me how I'm never not enough. And has me snatched of any happiness I try finding. No matter how hard I try, how much strong I try keeping to be, I never succeed at being up to the mark life challenges me to be. And at times, it rather has me feel as if life wants to fall down instead. The more I attempt and endeavor to keep living, life makes it hard to even stay alive. I may sound too sentimental and sensitive but at this point, I feel fed and I need out. Sigh.

"Here and now, at this stage I do not know if I need hug or do I need to be hit by a goddamn car."

As I fall deeper in my thoughts, I suddenly notice droplets of blood to fall over my hand that are resting on my lap and I let out a loud scoff of disbelief over myself. "Unable to find any more tears left to cry, I am bleeding now?" It wasn't the first time I've faced the situation to see my nose is unusually bleeding without i even being aware. Maybe I am being too hard on myself... I let out a sigh before taking in a deep breathe to relax myself down. I look down out the scenery of the academy and the rest of the city that can  be seen from up here, chuckling at the face of the world that has brought me nothing but pain at the ending of everything I tried to find happiness in. 

It hasn't been long since I joined the academy. Just three years. Three years of pulling myself up together, trying hard not to break down again. The very years since life completely destroyed me. From since my perfect life was snatched away from me and broken into shards that I try to walk over everyday, hoping there'd be a day I won't feel the pain anymore. But the pain only turns numb to a far point, never goes away. I eventually turn sensitive for anything to prick me again.

It's been two years since I met Harvey. Although, I've known him the least amount of time compared to how long I've had the others by my side, I always believed he and I had a spark. Or at least convinced myself. Starting from him leaving notes on my table that defined love and gifts or flowers under my blanket, there's nothing he had done that had not brought me happiness. He'd draw me and write poetry that he'd dedicate to me and so much more which made me feel more special than ever. But just as time passed, his love grew colder. The same man who'd warm up my days wouldn't even spare me a glance anymore. He started getting more involved in drugs and smoking, and I no longer held the power of bringing his insanity back to his senses.

Although to me it was understandable because I believed he had his reasons behind losing his way. His parents had a divorce and his younger brother committed suicide. He hadn't turned off his humanity for no reason. To speak of, it's actually more human of him to go crazy after what he's been through, I'd rather be surprised if he was okay with his life instead. So I decided to serve him the space he showed he required. I tried to understand him because I could relate to how I thought he was feeling and therefore, I was ready for him to return as I let him loose. Little did I know, this was the start of the end of us.

"Anything I'd decided to take a step with, anyone I decided to give a chance to, everything I ever started has always greeted me with it's end. Love that was believed to last for long has showed me it's end as well twice. It's evident that nothing ever lasts, should I really give up then? Is there any point in fighting in vain? Who'd wait for me at the end of the road that I'm enduring so much struggle to walk on?" I speak to myself, letting the last of my tears run down my cheeks, burning my cheeks along the way. Suddenly a voice speaks and my head snaps at the owner before everything blacks out."

"Me. Always and forever."