My Lycan Boyfriend's Dark Secret

heavy

*Oceania Burns*

My hands sting and ache. I look down at my blistered palms and sink down onto my small bed. The sound of laughter that comes drifting in through my open window feels almost foreign to me. My soul feels so heavy that if I were to go for a swim, I’d surely sink. What scares me most is that it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing anymore. Mother always told me that my light shines so bright, nobody could extinguish it, but as I lay lifeless on my bed, my knees pulled to my chest, I am pretty sure that little flame deep inside has been reduced to nothing more than a glowing wick. I just want to sleep. I am too tired to smile, too tired to fake being happy. When I close my eyes, I can see him standing on that beach, jeans rolled up and his hair mussed by the breeze. I can still feel his cool skin against my hand as we reached for the same wrapper. I can still feel my wolf howling for her mate, and it’s killing me.

My door swings open but I feel weighted down, unable to move, unwilling to try. “So... are you going to the dance with me?” Steph says, her gentle voice soothing me. I can feel the mattress dip as she takes a seat next to me, but my eyes remain closed, my lids practically glued together. “Hello, earth to Oceania?”

“What dance?” I ask her, my voice a tortured croak.

“It’s the first term social. Of course you’re going.” I could hear her smile through the sound of her voice.

“Actually,” I say, forcing myself to sit up and look at her. It takes way more effort than it should. “I think I’d rather not. I just want to sleep.”

“Wise decision,” Marge says, standing in the open door. She raises one brow as she looks at me, clearly seeing me as a bug that needs to be squashed.

“She has just as much of a right to go as you do,” Steph says, coming to my defence like the loyal friend she is. I am so grateful to the gods for sending her my way. Surviving this year would be an impossible feat without her.

Marge snorts, “You say that with a straight face... even after seeing her country mouse wardrobe.” She laughs, throwing her head back. Her hair fell down her back in silky waves. “You girls c***k me up. Alright... I’m always game for a good laugh. See you there, country mouse.” She grabs her dress from her cupboard. It is beautiful. A dark sequin, shining in blues, purples and greens like the rainbows hidden within black oil.

The moment she leaves, I let out a deep breath. Feeling the weight on my shoulders lighten ever so slightly. “Will he be there too?” I asked hesitantly.

“Who?” Steph asked, her brows furrowing together to form a small crease between her eyes. “Avery?” I only nod, afraid to utter his name, afraid to show her the flood of grief it brings me just to think of him.

“Oh my sweet, innocent little friend,” she says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “Don’t let yourself crush on him... ok?” I only nodder. How was I supposed to tell her he was my fated mate, and that I wasn’t good enough for him? I know he spun that whole lecture... the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line I keep hearing about. I know I don’t have experience, but I will not allow him to treat me as if I was stupid. “He doesn’t date girls from here, and he has never attended a dance either,” she tells me. I can’t even say that I am shocked. I can’t picture him as a social type.

“I’m not!”

“Good,” she says, letting out a sigh of relief.

“I just don’t want to run into him again.”

“Oh, you poor thing,” she says as she pulls me into a hug. “You won’t, trust me. Not at a school dance. It would sooner snow.”

Taking my hand, she drags me out of bed. I stumble after her on legs that feel like I filled them with lead. She keeps walking while her dainty fingers remain locked with mine. Regaining control of my legs, I follow her down the passage. The sound of giggling and chatter makes me want to hide. Are they laughing at me? I hunch my shoulders and keep my head down, pulling the curtain of thick blonde curls over my face. We reach her room and she slams the door shut behind me, my heart leaping at the load bang behind my back.

“Oops, I’m sorry,” she says after seeing me jump.

“It’s alright,” I tell her as I look around. I have never been in her room before. She is my best friend, my only friend, and yet this is the first time I set foot in her private space. I feel like a terrible friend. Am I really this conceited? Does she know I care about her too? Or does she think me to be a selfish little brat who expects her friends to listen to her problems and her problems only? I will go to the dance, not because I want to... because I don’t... but because I want to be the friend she deserves. Steph needs to see that I am as invested in her life as she has proved to be in mine.

“Here,” she says, calling out from behind her cupboard door. She is dangling silver garment from her hands as she continues to dig through her wardrobe. “Try this one on. My mother packed it, along with many others. She believes I will find my mate this year, or at least woe a rich and powerful ‘Alpha to be’ and convince him to take me as his mate.”

“You don’t need a mate,” I tell her. The words are as true for me as they are for her, but she doesn’t know it.

“What if I do?” she turns to look at me. “What if I never get to experience what my parents have? Hold my own little pup. Have a hot guy to share inside jokes with...” My vision blurs as a stray tear rolls down my check. A sharp pain in my chest makes me bend over while struggling to breathe. “Hey,” she says, falling to her knees beside me. “Are you ok?” I only shake my head as my arms remain wrapped around my chest.

“No... I’m not.”

“What’s wrong?” she said as her arm tightened around my shoulder.

“I wish I’d never found him.” The hand of grief tightens around my throat, making it impossible to breathe. I cry. Loudly. The entire floor can probably hear me, but right now I cannot care less. “I wish I never laid my eyes on him... and I wish I was enough.” Steph doesn’t say a word, not even one trace of interrogation. It is completely out of character for her, and I loved her for it. She just held me until my cries died down and my tears ran dry.