My Lycan Boyfriend's Dark Secret

what's the worst that can happen

*Avery Black*

I decide to take a walk on the beach while everyone is asleep. Since I don’t sleep anymore, this is the closest I will get to experiencing peace. I remember seeing my sweet little mate right here, enjoying the feel of the sand under her feet and the salty water splashing up against her legs. I remember seeing her spin in circles with arms stretched open and her face lifted to the sky. I remember envying her freedom and most of all, I remember wanting to be the one to give her that same joy. Taking off my sneakers, I toss them under a tree as I proceed to roll up my jeans. My feet sink into the sand as I walk into the water. The cool salty air kisses my skin and fills my lungs. For the first time today I am able to take a deep breath and exhale all my troubles. I understand her euphoric reaction, there is a certain comfort that envelopes your senses while your feet are in the still warm sand, the cool damp air brushes over your skin and the consuming roar of the ocean filters out the noise in your head. Bliss. If only there was a cure for my heart that seems to be made of stone. A stone with a thousand cracks only held together by some mysterious miracle. The sand becomes firmer and cooler as I approach the water and I consider walking into it and never stopping, never turning back, never being seen again. Suddenly, I felt her presence and I turned on instinct. My eyes search the trees behind me until I see her, her curls blow carelessly across her face, touching her soft pink lips, the lips I long to touch. I envy her locks. God, I envy her clothes, and even the wind... anything that gets to touch her instead of me. The wind blows her cotton shorts and pale pink against her delicate figure, moulding around her tiny waist and... Oh god, I can’t bare this. I can’t do this.

“Oceania,” I call to her, and her eyes meet mine, bewildered.

“Avery,” she answers breathlessly, “it’s you... you are...”

“Your mate,” I answer her question before she can ask it. I can’t do this!! How do I do this??  My breathing becomes shallows as if my torso is being crushed. I wish it was crushed instead of forcing me to break her heart.

“But... why? Why didn’t you say anything?” She asks, no doubt swallowing back tears when her gentle voice breaks on the last word.

“Because it’s better that way,” I mumble. I think I am going to throw up. HOW DO I DO THIS? Everything inside me screams for me to run to her, pick her up and spin her around. Everything inside me wants to claim my mate. Kiss her... but there’s also the darkness inside me that wants to drain every drop of her blood and consume her as her love consumes me. f**k!

“Better what way? Not being together?” She asks as she places her hands on her heart, holding them there to prevent me from breaking it. Sorry sweetheart, I sigh inwardly. This is the only way I can save you... from me.

“Yes.” I say as coldly as I can and I see tears roll down my cheek. I am a monster.

“Don’t you want me?” she breathes, still clutching her chest. This is torture.

“No,” I tell her. I lie, the biggest and worst lie I have ever told, and one that will haunt me forever. She sinks to her knees, palms to the sand as she cries out in pain. I run, as fast as I can and as far away as I can. I am a coward... a monster and a coward. I hate myself. I left my sneakers there and am now running through the woods barefoot. I don’t bother to shield my face with my hands, let the branches strike me, I deserve it. I wish they could draw blood... but I don’t hurt easily. I am cursed with eternal life. I wouldn’t call this living though. I am eternally dead, frozen in time.

I want to run until I forget her tearstained face, I want to go to a place where I can’t hear her cries. When I reached the other side of the island, I realised there was no such place. I am cursed to spend eternity in pain. This side of the island is more suited for my exile. It doesn’t have the luxurious white sandy beaches and gentle rolling waves, no this side has jagged black rocks, cold and mossy caves and dangerous cliffs with vicious waves crashing against them. The contrast between the two halves of the island is like the contrast between me and my mate. Her soft and beautiful nature contrasts my cold and dangerous barrenness.

My eye catches on an orange glow coming from a cave half way down the cliff. It is strange because nobody ever comes here. Why would they? Unless... It can’t be. At times like these, I wish my wolf wasn’t numbed by the curse. I really could do with his help. I am careful not to make a sound as I approach that side of the cliff. Looking everywhere, I cannot find a footpath or any type of path. I will have to climb down. You can do this Avery... besides, what’s the worst that can happen? I can die and be put out of my misery. I don’t pick up any werewolf scents... only...

It’s impossible... how could one come through that portal so easily? If I am right, and it is in fact one of them, it would be easy to sense my presence. I am, after all, partially one of them. I have to take the chance though. I need to know if there is a danger on this island. How else can I protect her?