I can't
1059 Words
*Avery Black*
I walk up the steps, late for class like I had been for two days now. It is becoming my signature move. The only one that keeps me from running into Oceania, my perfect little mate. You are a coward, I scold myself, just reject her and get it over with. Problem is... I can’t seem to do it. I meant to... probably a hundred times over the past two days, but I can’t. I am many things, but the reason for her heartbreak... I am just not ready for that. I am halfway up the steps when the most wonderful sweet coconut scent hits me like a brick to the face... and there she is... beautiful. Her eyes are bewildered as her golden blond curls blow across her delicate ivory cheeks. I can feel my wolf wagging its tail in delight, right about the same time as the vamp runs his tongue across his sharps glistening teeth. Get a grip Avery, don’t lose control.
“Hey,” her soft and innocent voice comes like a battering ram to wall around my heart. Don’t look at her moron, keep walking, I tell myself as I focus on the door behind her and walk past her, as if I hadn’t seen her... as if. She could be hidden underneath a blanket amidst a crowd of a thousand people and I would see her. Why does this have to be my life. Why does the best thing, finding my perfect mate, have to be the worst...
“Avery, wait,” she pleads in a tone that just about rips my heart out of my chest cavity. I am hurting her... I can’t stand it, but there is no other way. This is the only way to keep her safe... from me. Dammit! I freeze, my hand stuck to the door know. I refuse to look at her. It would break me to see her face right now.
“It’s not true... what they are saying...” she says, her voice breaking on the last word and I know she is on the verge of crying. My instinct is to want to take her in my arms and hold her to my chest, comforting her and shielding her from the world... but I can’t.
“Do you really think I care?” I snap at her instead. What a cruel bastard I am. Her returning look of surprise and hurt, hit me like a kick in the gut. It’s better this way my love, it’s safer... I know what she is referring to, I have heard the gossip spread around by Kurt, and I know it isn’t aimed at her but at me, she is just the innocent casualty. If it weren’t illegal I’d rip his head off for hurting her. I dream of seeing his life drained from his face, only proving what a monster I am. The only way to stop his attacks is to show him I don’t care... but I do... and it’s killing me. She stumbles backward, away from my glare and almost falls down the steps. I reach out for her, grateful for my speed. I am faster than an ordinary werewolf, or even a Lycan. Vampires are fast, agile and stronger than a wolf in their human form, and I was part vampire... cursed to live a cold and lifeless life. “For god’s sake, will you start being more careful and stop hurting yourself so I can stop looking after you.” I say. But what I actually mean is stop making me touch you, look at you and fall in love with you, I can’t bare it. I let go of her immediately, like a werewolf would when holding silver. Go! Go now! Before you make a mistake you cannot take back! Fighting every fiber of my being I turn back to the front door and push through into the Lobby, hearing her hurried steps and sobs as she runs away. You bastard, I scold myself, she doesn’t deserve this. Standing in the lobby I cannot picture myself seated in a class where I will be forced to almost sleep with my eyes open. Another thing about this vampiric curse... I can’t sleep... ever. Pacing back and forth on the other side of the door where I hurt her, I find myself at war. Should I do what I must, or should I do what I need... The first being to go to class, get the grades and pass the final year... the latter being to go after her, to see if she is ok and to stay with her until she is... even if she won’t know I am there. The answer is simple, and a misnomer, I need to see her and I won’t be at rest until I do. Mind you, in the state she left I doubt that seeing her would ease the sickening feeling of self loathing I am afflicted with. I push through those horrid doors and march over to her building, taking care not to be seen. One bonus is that nobody is in the building when classes are running, allowing me the discretion of sneaking up to her floor. I follow her scent like a trail of tropical breadcrumbs through the halls until I reach her door. It is left open, only a slight slither of her side of the room visible through the c***k. Slowly and gently I urge it to open wider... still nothing, but I can hear her muffled crying as she undoubtedly lies on her bed with her face in her pillow... I push it open some more... and there she is... BEAUTIFUL! She is beautiful even when she is crying and I doubt she could ever not be beautiful. She is hold something in her arms and my curiosity gets the better of me. Are you insane! Go back before she sees you! My steps are light as I glide over to her bed to get a better look and then I see it... a teddy... a homemade crotchet teddy, worn or, what would be a better word... well loved. The sight brings a smile to my face, why would this ever be a surprise... she truly is an innocent... and I love her even more for it.
- Writer
