Heir to Desire

Chapter 3

Stella

Anna was a miracle worker. She got me in with the fertility clinic the next day. They spent all morning running labs, performing ultrasounds, and having me fill out half a dozen forms. Joy came with me, and stayed the entire time, even though we both knew she didn't completely agree with my decision.

She sat in the corner of the room, flipping through an old medical magazine while I sat on the exam table, impatiently waiting for the doctor to see me when the vision hit.

"I've reviewed your labs, ultrasound, and paperwork. I understand you want to have a pup?"

"I do." I nodded.

"Have you tried to conceive naturally?"

"No," I admitted. "I only just stopped my pills."

"Well, normally I'd recommend giving it a few months, let the pill clear from your system, but given your age, I suggest trying sooner rather than later."

"I couldn't agree more. What are our next steps?"

He huffed a laugh. "Do you and your partner - "

"I don't have a partner. And I don't have time to waste. What are my options?"

He looked surprised. Clearing his throat, he jotted down a few notes.

"You can choose a donor. During your next heat we can make it happen."

"My heats are irregular. I sometimes go months without one."

"Then we'll give you injections. We'll stimulate ovulation, it'll better your chances at conceiving too."

"Fine. Let's do it."

I sucked in a sharp breath.

Joy frowned, peering up from her magazine. "What did you see?"

The door swung open before I could answer.

"Good morning, Queen Stella."

"Good morning." I forced a smile.

"I've reviewed your labs and - "

"Let's cut to the chase. I don't have a partner or time to play around. Let's handle this aggressively. How soon can we begin fertility treatments?"

"Straight to the point I see." He chuckled softly, taking a seat across from me.

"As always." Joy smirked.

"We'll start with daily injections for two weeks. After that, we'll have you come in every other day for bloodwork. When everything looks good, we'll have you come in for a final injection, and then, twenty-four to thirty-six hours later, insemination will take place."

"Those are specific times." I frowned.

"It has to be."

"You don't have to do it, you know," Joy said softly.

"No, I want to."

More than I even realized.

"Alright. I'll let the nurse know, and she can teach you how to administer the injections. There is also a book at the front with all our available donors. You might want to take a look at it before you leave."

"Sounds great." I forced my voice to stay neutral, trying not to let my head spiral out of control.

The doctor's eyes softened. "I know this can be a lot to take in. But this is exciting news. For you and the kingdom."

"It is." I agreed, a small smile pulling at my lips.

Half an hour later, I was being shown how to self inject. Joy cringed for me as I fumbled through the first.

"It'll get easier with time," the nurse said gently.

"The doctor mentioned a donor book?"

"I'll grab it for you."

"Now, this, I'm interested in." Joy smiled wickedly.

Minutes later, we were sitting shoulder to shoulder, flipping through a three-ring binder with hundreds of male suitors.

"This one is a college professor," Joy said, pointing another out. "Free tuition, but his nose... yikes."

"Let's keep looking." I chuckled, turning the page.

"What are you looking for? You haven't mentioned."

"I never got that far in thinking," I sheepishly admitted. "Nor did I realize I would be picking the future genetic makeup of my child from a catalog."

"Well, what's your type?"

"My type?"

"Tall, dark, handsome?" Joy batted her eyes. "What does your mystery person look like?"

"Nice try." I chuckled, skimming through a few more pages.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I'm going to have to." I let out a heavy sigh. It was the only part of all this I was dreading.

"Ha! So it is a him!" Joy beamed.

"Yes, and it doesn't matter anymore, now does it?" I clicked my tongue. "He won't want to stick around once he finds out what I'm doing."

"You think so?"

My eyes snagged on a photo. The donor looked just like him. A man with brown, clean-cut hair and a great smile. His eyes were a sharp green, the kind you could spend hours gazing into. He had the same prominent cheekbones too. My throat began to tighten. Looking at him made me feel like I wasn't so alone.

"This is it, this is the one," I said, fighting the tears that pricked at my eyes.

Joy looked at his profile and was beaming. "Oooo, and he's a doctor!"

- - - - - - - -

Three weeks later...

Stella

"Hey, thanks for calling, I was beginning to think you forgot all about me," Caspian said, letting himself into the small cottage.

I bought it several years ago, just for this purpose. For all our secret meetings. It was deep in the woods, not far from my castle. A one bedroom cozy little place. Most importantly, it was private.

"No, just been busy," I admitted, wrapping my arms around myself. "Thanks for coming all this way."

"Of course," he said, tossing his bag on the floor. "You didn't say how long you were free for, but I set aside a full week." He turned to face me, holding out his arms. "I'm all yours," his face fell as soon as he took one look at me. "What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath, straightening my spine. "We need to talk."

Caspian's eyes searched mine as I pulled him to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I made a decision recently, for myself and my kingdom."

"Oh?"

"I've decided I'm going to try for a pup."

Caspian looked frozen in time. His fingers curled, a sharp breath escaping him. I continued before he could speak.

"I've been getting fertility injections this past month. On Monday I'll get my final treatment and on Tuesday I go in for insemination."

"So you've already done everything except tell me." His shoulders fell. "I didn’t even cross your mind as an option, did I?"

"It's better this way." My voice felt like it might crack. "You have your kingdom, I have mine. There's no way we could raise a pup together."

"But what if - "

"My mind is made up," I said firmly. "Don't bother trying to change it."

"I know you better than that. I would have thought you knew me better. I won't try to stop you, but why now? Why with a stranger and not..." His voice trailed off.

"I'm thirty-eight, and I need an heir."

"It's more than that," he frowned. "There has always been something. Something that makes you keep me at arm's length. That refuses to think of... more. Or perhaps I've just been delusional the past three years thinking you cared for me."

"I do care for you, Cas. But it would never work out. We've been over it a thousand times now." My hands fell slack.

"Is it your mate? Are you waiting for him?"

My heart ached as I searched for an answer.

"I've never waited for a man before. I'm not about to start now." I said softly.

The truth was, I only waited once. And it was a mistake I would never make again.

I stood and turned away from him, pressing my palms to the windowpane. Outside, the forest was glittering, sunlight filtering through the trees, the snowy ground like diamonds. This place had always been our escape. No crowns. No councils. No expectations. Just stolen moments carved out of duty.

I had told myself that was enough.

Behind me, Caspian shifted on the bed, the quiet rustle of sheets louder than it should have been. I could feel him watching me, searching for cracks I refused to show. He always did that—looked at me like I was something he could solve if he just tried hard enough.

"I never asked you to choose," he said quietly. "Not between kingdoms. Not between futures. I just… thought maybe one day, you'd choose me."

I closed my eyes.

That was the danger of Caspian. He didn't demand. He didn't push. He simply stayed, steady and patient, until the weight of his hope became heavier than any ultimatum ever could.

"I can't afford maybes," I said, my voice low. "Not anymore."

He let out a slow breath. "You're talking like someone who's already lost."

I turned then, really turned, and for a moment I almost told him everything. How fate had already carved its mark into my life. How hope could rot if you held it too tightly. How love could hollow you out and leave you standing in the wreckage, wondering how you ever survived it once—let alone twice.

But I didn't.

Instead, I crossed the room and stopped in front of him, close enough to feel the warmth of his skin, the familiar pull that had always undone my better judgment.

"This is the only way I know how to move forward," I said. "If I hesitate now, I never will."

His hand lifted, hovering just short of touching my waist, like he was afraid I might disappear if he did. "And where does that leave me?"

The answer was cruel in its simplicity.

Exactly where I had always kept him.

My eyes said it all.

He swallowed hard, eyes glassy. "What does this mean for us?"

"There never was an us, Cas." I shook my head. "I think it best we face the reality of it all."

He stared at me, longing in his eyes. He leaned in—just a fraction—and I was done for. Our lips met in a soft embrace. I let out a shuttering breath. His fingers speared through my hair, my hands glided down his chest.

"Just one last time, please," he begged. "Let me show you what you are to me."

I was already reaching for his belt.

He coaxed me back onto the bed; I unfastened his pants. He reached under my shirt; I bit his lip. It was as easy as breathing, and as exciting as sin.

His first thrust had me gasping. His arms caged around me as he moved his hips slowly, drawing out every moan and cry. I made sure I savored every touch, every caress. The feel of his breath fanning my neck, of his mouth on my skin.

I would miss it, all of it, more than I wanted to admit.

- - - - - - - -

My alarm woke me the next morning. Caspian was still asleep as I fumbled out of bed, to the bathroom. Bleary-eyed, I dug through my purse for my medication.

I tore open an alcohol pad and swabbed my lower abdomen. Yellow and purple bruises marred my skin from days past. It would all be worth it soon.

Pinching the soft skin of my stomach, I grabbed the needle and counted to three, letting out a long breath when it was over.

"Does it hurt?"

I looked up.

Caspian was staring at me through the mirror in the bathroom. He wore only his boxers, and the nail marks I left on him last night.

"Not really, not anymore." I shrugged, tugging my shirt back down.

He nodded, staring at where the empty needle lay.

"Thank you, for last night. And for everything else," I said gently.

He gave me a tight nod. "I wish it were more."

He was gone twenty minutes later.

The cottage felt colder once the door shut behind him, the silence pressing in around me. I stood there for a long moment, breathing through the ache I refused to name.