“I tried. I tried. I tried”
Her voice cracked as it left her throat, barely a whisper. She rocked back and forth on the bed, sweat pouring down her face, chest heaving like her heart was trying to break free
“I tried”
The memory wouldn’t stop playing. The sound of the mother screaming. The baby lying there. The blood. The beep of the flatline. Her own voice stammering apologies while her hands were still shaking
She reached up
Grabbed her hair
Pulled
Hard
Like she could rip the memory out by the roots
“Stop. Stop. No no no stop”
She squeezed her eyes shut
Her knuckles went white
She yanked her hair tighter as the voices in her head grew louder. The mother’s voice. The baby’s silence. Her own screams she never let out that day. They echoed through her skull like knives scraping
