Chapter 17-3
669 Words
Mama Maria opened her condo’s door even as Perrin stood debating whether or not to knock.
“Oh, I was just headed back out to… ” she trailed off as she studied Perrin. Then, with a gentle hand on her shoulder, she guided Perrin inside.
She didn’t say a word until she had Perrin seated on the couch by the night-darkened windows, a cable-knit throw blanket around her shoulders, and a big mug of steaming tea she could barely hold against the chills. The warm afternoon had long since gone to a dark, cool evening. Her sleeveless blouse wholly insufficient to protect her.
The front door opened and closed behind her, making her twitch. The tea burned her fingers and spilled on the blanket. Maria didn’t embarrass her even more by trying to help. She simply turned to Hogan who had stumbled to a halt at the entry to the living room.
“Yes, Hogan. She’s found. Could you let the others know, and then make us dinner, just for the three of us I think. Tell the others that tomorrow is soon enough for questions.”
After Hogan nodded silently and headed into the kitchen, already dialing the phone, Maria sat on the couch beside her.
Perrin managed to set down the tea, wiping her fingers on her pant leg before she wrapped the blanket more tightly about her. Then she simply leaned forward and lay her head in Maria’s lap. Lying there, she told the story of the day between bouts of shivering, partly from the cold, partly from self-loathing.
She should have seen it. In retrospect, had seen it. Jaspar going to bed early to avoid her when she knew full well he felt bedtime was for “little kids” and was always pushing the limits; her one visit to their house a perfect excuse. Somehow arranging never to sit by her at the opera, not even when his sister did. Perhaps especially not when his sister did.
When they’d first met, the boy had been such a bright and shining light. Somehow she’d missed the change as he shifted toward the Overlord’s darkness.
Maria just let her talk, slowly brushing at her hair until she was done. Run dry of all emotion.
“I have to leave, Maria. I can’t stay. Not even in Seattle. I would think of them all nearby. Worse, I might see them. I can’t do that. I can’t.”
“You were never dumb, Perrin my girl.”
“Except about men.”
“You were never dumb,” Maria made it such a definitive statement that Perrin couldn’t argue. “Perhaps less than sensible at times, but you always knew exactly what you were doing even when you were screwing up.”
“I know this time too, Mama Maria. Honest I do.”
Maria pushed her upright until they were facing each other. She was silent for the longest time, just looking up at Perrin with those dark eyes that demanded honesty.
“I didn’t say that I won’t hate leaving, but it’s the best for everyone, Maria. You know that.”
“Not best for you, my girl.”
“I can’t put that ahead of what’s best for Bill’s family. I know I should, but I can’t. I care about them too much. It will be okay. I’m used to it being hard.”
“And do you think that you’ll hurt them less by leaving?”
That one she didn’t have an answer to. She’d seen Bill’s eyes as she’d said goodbye. He’d been devastated before the words even registered. She was just glad that Russell had stopped him and Cassidy had followed in his stead, because she might not have had the heart to run away from Bill. Tamara would be shattered as well.
“Oh god, Maria,” Perrin clasped the blanket more tightly and folded both fists over her aching heart, “anything I do makes it worse.” She hung her head.
Maria raised her chin with a gentle hand. “So, we do this one step at a time.”
“We?” It was the most heartening word Perrin had ever heard. Because she certainly couldn’t do this on her own. “What next step?”
“You already know, sweetheart.” Maria pulled her down enough to kiss her on the top of the head, just as she had the day she’d told Perrin she’d wished to have had Perrin as her daughter. “You know, you just wish you didn’t.”
Perrin thought a moment, then nodded. She knew. It was so hard, but she knew.
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