I sat on my bed for most of the night trying to think if I could be friends with benefit with Ryan, I mean the s*x I had with him was amazing but I know I have really strong feeling for him. Could I have fun with him or do I want something more, that is where the problem lays. I want something meaningful not just some fun, I want long lasting ‘but what you have with Ryan is not real’ a little voice inside my head says and I cannot ignore what it has said, it is true what the voice said, Ryan and mine marriage is fake so anything that happens between us is fake. Does this mean that I can have s*x with Ryan, I know I have this need for him, every time he is near me it’s like my body is sent on fire, a fire filled with desire for him and only him. Ryan is the only one that can put
