Please Break My Heart

Chapter 20

Ayanna felt like she was in paradise.

When she woke up, she saw Lake’s sleeping face beside her, his arms wrapped around her. A smile crept on her lips and she caught herself staring at his face. He was even more handsome as he slept. He was snoring a little, making the female chuckle. She stared at him for a few seconds until she realized what she was doing. Carefully, she slipped off of his embrace. She took her phone and checked the time.

It was five in the morning. Her classes would start at eight but she would have to go back to her dorm to prepare. She glanced at Lake. She did not want to wake him up, not when he looked so peaceful in his sleep. He looked so adorab—no, Ayanna had to get herself together. She could not be gushing about him when all he did was sleep.

She nudged him slightly. “Lake, lake, wake up,”

He stirred a bit, groaning before his twinkling eyes fluttered open. When his eyes met hers, she felt her heart once again hammering inside of her. The feeling was so weird. It was pleasant yet strange. The female did not know whether she liked what she was feeling or not. It was uncomfortably comfortable. Suddenly, she felt embarrassed that she showed him her morning face. She was surely not pretty. She was absolutely ugly. He might regret being with her—although his eyes seemed to tell another story.

“Ayanna?” Lake tried to get her attention when she was so lost in her own little world—she would say she was lost in his eyes but that would be too cheesy for her to handle.

“Sorry I woke you up,” she apologized. “But it’s already five in the morning and I have to prepare for my classes.”

“Right,” Lake muttered, ruffling Ayanna’s hair. “Sorry I fell asleep last night. Anyway, good morning.”

Ayanna found herself smiling as Lake’s lips curled into a smile. “Good morning to you too.”

She loved the morning for the first time in her life.

*****

Her feelings were all over the place. Even when Maxim tried to talk to her, Ayanna felt like she was in a whole different world. Her other acquaintances also tried engaging a conversation with her but she really was just so distracted. She wanted to laugh and to cry at the same time.

“Did something good happen?” Maxim asked her during class because Ayanna was biting back a smile. But no one should be holding back a smile when a teacher was busy lecturing them about their techniques in writing and whatnots.

“Nope, nothing,” Ayanna truthfully replied. She really did not know why she was so happy. She fell asleep with Lake hugging her, so? No big deal, right? But her face turned red at the thought. And she wanted to giggle so badly. She felt so giddy and jumpy as if she just ate a jar of sugar and chocolates. She swore something was wrong with her.

“Is it Lake?” Maxim asked again, his tone was flat and accusing but he maintained a kind expression.

Ayanna was startled, not because of his tone—in fact, she had completely missed it—but because he knew the cause for her sudden burst of happiness. With a sheepish smile, she asked, “Is it that obvious?”

Maxim heaved a sigh and nodded his head. “It is. But you know, Ayanna, Lake is a playboy. He might just be playing with you. He played tons of girls before. Aren’t you scared you might get hurt? I don’t even see what you guys see in him.”

The female clammed up. Maxim had a point. Lake was a playboy. He might just be bored that was why he was still with her. He played tons of girls before. He used to dump them whenever he grew tired of them. But he was Lake. Something about him seemed different from the rumors they heard. He was not as shallow as everyone thought. And Maxim said he did not know what they saw in him and that was the problem. Something about Lake was special, was so precious. Maxim did not know that.

“Does anyone want to share their poem about love?” their professor asked before the female could think of a reply to Maxim.

Excitedly, Ayanna raised her hand. It was a first. She never volunteered herself but that day, she had confidence. The confidence to share the poem she wrote with a certain boy in mind.

“The pink and red and blue hue

danced before my eyes

presented an image of you…”

*****

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she complained to Lilia when the two of them were having their dinner in a fast food near their dormitory. “I’m just being strange for a few days in a row already. I don’t like this feeling but at the same time a like it.”

“I won’t know what you mean unless you tell me directly how you feel,” Lilia said, eating a spoonful of rice.

“Can you eat more slowly?” Ayanna gave Lilia a disgusted look. “Anyway, I can’t tell you.” She paused but when Lilia raised an eyebrow at her, she continued to speak. “It’s embarrassing that’s why!” she whined, puffing her cheeks.

“Who are you acting cute for?” Lilia frowned. “And really, Ayanna, I really cannot help you if you just keep saying ‘I’m strange’ because you have always been strange.”

“Ouch, are you really my best friend?” Ayanna pointed an accusing finger at her best friend. “Or are you just pretending to be my best friend to hurt me with your words?”

Lilia sighed. “Why am I friends with this strange person? Don’t tell me if you don’t want to then. Go figure it out by yourself.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll tell you, you cold hearted person.” Deep inside, Ayanna was embarrassed. She did not know how to explain to her friend what she felt. She was embarrassed about what she felt but at the same time, she would like to show it off to others. She could not decide on what she wanted. “It’s just I feel weird.”

“I think we’ve established that already but go on.”

Ignoring her friend’s comment, Ayanna continued, “Like I’m in a cloud nine.” She paused, thinking of how to explain what she felt. “I feel a weird feeling in my chest, my heart would skip a beat, and then there are some rats playing in my stomach. It makes me want to throw up but it feels nice. Do you get what I mean? It’s a really strange sensation but it makes me want to smile. It makes me want to giggle.”

“And when do these things occur?”

Ayanna hesitated. She knew the answer but she wished she did not. Because the answer would lead to more questions. She knew when she felt all those—whenever she saw Lake, whenever she heard of him, whenever she remembered him. “Lake… whenever I see him, whenever I hear about him, whenever I remember him…” she muttered her response.

“Then, you should know why,” Lilia told her. “You know it, you’re just trying to deny it.”

“What do I—” Ayanna was about to deny it when realization dawned on her. Her eyes were wide and her lips agape. “No, I—it can’t be.”

“Yes?”

“I love Lake.” It seemed natural when it came tumbling out of her mouth. “I love Lake, don’t I? Oh gosh, I love Lake! What do I do? Oh no, what do I do? Wait, isn’t that my goal? My novel!”

Lilia stared at Ayanna in disbelief. “Are you still on about that?”

“Of course! That’s the goal, right?” But Ayanna’s heart felt heavy as she said that because that would mean she would have to break up with Lake. She did not want to do that. She no longer wanted to break up with Lake and it was going to drive her insane.

Now, how was she supposed to face Lake?