Tearing Apart

OWN YOUR s**t

-I´m a f**k up Jo! everything I put my hands onto I manage to break. I´ve screwed up… Again! And badly… and now he´s going to leave me for good!

Jo held her shoulders while she bawled her eyes out

-Enough!- Jo finally shouted, shaking her a little and making her stop -Talk to me… What happened?

She sat on the couch looking directly at her eyes. Raising an eyebrow expectantly, urging her to start.

Ally’s head went down, defeatedly, staring at her hands and sighing deeply. She started from the very beginning. Muttering, she told her how she’d been treating him all this time. She talked about her stupid fears and her absurd comparisons. Her eyes filled with shame and sorrow. She also told her about the guy in the bar and how guilty she’d felt… When she was done, and finally gathered the courage to look up at Jo, she had her poker face on, her eyes just piercing her own.

-Well you did f**k up good, kiddo- she spoke after a few maddening minutes of silence- but stop beating yourself up and grow a pair of ovaries for f**k’s sake, Ally! Own your s**t and start doing something about it. He’s not gonna leave you, you i***t, he loves you. But you can be such a pain in the ass and you need to change that.

-I know I do – Ally sighed- I just don’t know where to start.

-Well, how about stopping it already with your stupid fear that he’s gonna turn into one of your exes and hurt you one day? He’s proven himself worthy over and over again so, what are you so afraid of?

-I don’t know- Ally tugged at a strand of hair – I guess sometimes he seems too good to be true and  I’ve ended mostly sabotaging myself.

-There you go… - Jo sighed- Now, cut the crap. He IS that good! So you better just start f*****g accepting the wonderful gift you’ve been given and being grateful about it. Stop your bullshit or there is not gonna be a third chance, Ally!

-I know!- Ally sobbed again, her hands trying to uselessly wipe the tears away -Thank you, Jo!- she cried- I needed that.

Jo walked up to her and kissed her cheek – Anytime, hun. Now, let me get a blanket, I told Gus I was staying the night.

She opened a small cupboard on the wall and took out a fluffy blanket and a pillow, then went to lie on the couch getting rid of her shoes and resting her legs up.

-So… Did Gus call you then?- she asked after a moment looking at her.

-Yep. Yeah he did- Jo sighed- You scared the s**t out of him, you know?

-I figured I did

-Have you called your parents yet?

-No. I… I didn’t want them to worry. I will call them tomorrow when I get discharged and I start figuring out how to deal with the insurance and everything.

-Gus said your car was totaled…- Jo trailed off

-Yeah, I saw it before they took me to the ambulance and it was a pile of crap- she replied sadly- And well, I wasn’t at fault so the other guy should be paying for everything… but it is going to take a while I guess.

-I can drive you to work and pick you up until you get another car, no worries- Jo smiled at her from the couch- and you can use my van whenever I’m traveling.

-Thanks, Jo. I don’t know what I would do without you-Ally blew her a kiss- Hey, would you take me to the impound lot on Monday to start the process? Gus said he couldn’t drive me, cause he’s starting on this new job…

-Really? That’s awesome!

-Yeah, that made me feel even shittier about all this crap

-Well Ally, I hope you’ve learnt your lesson.