Harlee POV
I was somewhere between a state of shock and.. complete and utter bliss.
“What did you do Zeev?” I whispered, one arm still firmly wrapped around our daughter, the other now on my chest, hand fisted in front of my sternum. I could feel him somehow, his soul merged with mine, his Demon’s Heart wrapped protectively around me like invisible armor. It was like he was me, but so much more. I was afraid to move for a minute, afraid to break the spell, or hurt Zeev, or Leila, or me. But when Leila started wiggling, I didn’t have a choice. I moved back to the bed to set her down and crawled up beside her, hand still clutched to my chest. The empty spot I’d felt in my chest for so very long had been filled. It was completely gone. I had forgotten what it felt like to not ache constantly, what it felt like to be whole. I could feel Zeev’s Heart pulse at the thought, a tremor of pain going through him and then me at the mention of his transgression, no matter how it was brought up in passing. I wanted to reach out and soothe him, but there was no him to soothe. Instead, I felt a measure of calm settle around me again. And then, I was glad I had laid the baby down and sat on the bed next to her, because when the full force of Zeev’s memories and emotions hit me, I fell over. I suddenly realized that despite everything, we still didn’t know each other as well as I thought we did. How do you ‘know’ a Fallen Angel? I saw his pain from the inside out. Our two soul pieces mingled joyously, recognizing each other and they shared everything. Nothing was hidden. Zeev was.. Alien. Too complicated for me to ever understand. I realized it with a cry. They all were. Even Ash. What the Hell were they doing following around a puny human girl like me? Well, nearly Demon now myself I supposed.
I felt Zeev’s distress. This wasn’t his intent. It rippled through me, upsetting me even further. He had wanted to help my pain, show me all my family would be alright from his viewpoint, but his entire existence, when laid out so bare to me, was so foreign… I tried pushing him away, but he clung to me and the ripping of the two soul pieces nearly killed me. Whispered words of love and promises that he’d done this all wrong didn’t help. I wanted away from him, and I wanted it now. I shoved against him, every bit of foreign matter, booting it from my system. The splintering of our soul combined with the shock and pain I felt from him nearly made me stop, but I couldn’t. I felt like a foul. The agony I felt overshadowed it all. I felt.. Betrayed. What made me ever think that I could be anything similar to these creatures? Zeev toppled to the bed beside me.
“Harlee please!” Zeev cried out, but I shook my head, curling into a ball.
“I thought.. But I don’t understand anything about you at all Zeev. What motivates you? What drives you? I saw to the very base of you Zeev. What you were built on. I can’t even wrap my mind around it! But from the very beginning how could something like you be created be on the side of good? You were made to destroy. I.. how do you love? Do you love?” Tears sprang to my eyes and I buried my face in my hands. Zeev’s fingers brushed my hair.
“I love. I love because of you.” He pulled one of my hands from my face gently and placed it on his chest. “I love because you gave me this. Yes, it was unwilling, and I long cursed the day it happened, but in the end it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love Harlee, because you taught me how.” Zeev tugged me into a seated position. “Harlee, don’t you see? You are love. To us, you're the very source of love. You brought it into our lives, taught it to us, shared it with us, forced it into us whether we wanted or deserved it or not. Harlee… because of you, we’re all able to love. We are love.” Zeev reached for me again, but I pulled back, shaking my head. All the time I’d spent in his mind, I knew he was different, but here were similarities, ways in which I could compare us, but he’d been right all along. He was a Demon and I knew nothing about them.
“I just.. Need some time to adjust.” I mumbled. I snatched up Leila, to her protest, and raced to the nursery with her. Placing her in the bassinet, I stared. How much did I even know about my own children? They weren’t human. I had deluded myself into thinking there were enough common threads to bind us all together. What did I know about any of this?
“Technically, you’re not human either. Not entirely.” Ash’s soft voice spoke behind me. I closed my eyes briefly before turning to them.
“But I still feel it. Here.” I placed a hand on my chest, that I balled into a fist uselessly. Ash shook their head sadly and stepped towards me.
“You won’t always. It.. fades.. With time. You forget what it was like. Too many memories and new experiences crowd out the old information. The raw emotions fade, the needs, the drives, they just.. Disappear.. Or become new ones. Harlee..” Ash reached out a hand to brush my arm. “You seem to forget that not everything labelled as one thing fits that stereotype.” I blanched. The thought occurred to me that Ash’s statement could be taken many different ways. They quirked a lip.
“I know, ironic isn’t it? But beyond gender labels, let’s think about the misconceptions humans have held about Angels and Demons.” Ash crossed their arms. There are, you know, quite a few Demons that help humans. And you’ve had personal experience with Angels who are meant mostly for destruction, unlike people’s common opinions that they are winged blessings in disguise.” Ash’s lips twitched into another brief smile. “Just like humanity, there are layers. You can’t paint them all with the same broad brush.” Ash shrugged. “Kinda like me.” They offered me a fierce grin that I couldn't help but giggle at. I sighed.
“It’s not just that Ash. I thought I understood you all. I thought we had something in common. I thought, I don’t know, we were.. The same! I know, it’s stupid now, we’re nothing alike! Your kind, THEIR kind! We’re all completely foreign creatures. It’s like a fish trying to understand or love the sun! It’s not just a completely different species, it’s not even made the same at all! It’s not even.. able..” I slid down the nursery wall, casting a quick glance at Leila to be sure I hadn’t woken her.
“In this analogy, who's the fish?” Ash c****d their head to the side and I burst out laughing.
“I guess.. I guess I am.” I said on a wheezing breath.
“Oh, so the sun’s not capable of love?” Ash asked. Their expression sobered me. Ash was taking this seriously.
“I guess not.” I replied grimly.
“What if the sun’s way of love is just foreign to the fish?” Ash’s head tilted to the other side. I sighed again.
“What if they’re just not compatible? The sun would kill the fish if it got too close, but the fish refused to stay away until it was too late, and its water was gone and it was dry and gasping for breath.” I hugged my knees.
“Ah.” Ash’s expression suddenly took on a look of understanding, and they knelt in front of me, smooshing me to their chest. “Harlee, you can never truly know another person. You can learn a lot about them, find out what motivates a lot of their decisions, perhaps, but think about it: even your family, do you truly understand what goes on beneath the surface? Truly grasp it? Your life experience is so different from everyone else’s that it’s like everyone around you is a different species. You all go through life on different journeys, and never realize how vastly different you are. You think everybody’s just like you, or should be. Will react just like you, or should.” Ash chuckled and pushed me back, searching out my eyes.
“But there are two things I want to make very clear to you Harlee. First: We would never ‘burn you up’ on purpose. We took what we did of your soul to save your life because we couldn’t stand the idea of losing you Harlee. Which leads me to my second point: Harlee, my lovely, sweet, beautiful Harlee. You may be surrounded by fish and stars and moons and suns, but there’s one thing you keep forgetting. One thing that binds us all together. It’s you Harlee. Our love for you. And that’s why I think your analogy is wrong. I think you’re the sun, and the rest of us are orbiting you, just trying to figure out how to shine as brightly, love so fiercely, how to be just like the sun we all adore.” Ash released my shoulders with a small shake. I gaped at them for a minute and with a small sob, collapsed into Ash’s arms.
Zeev’s POV
Harlee approached us all like strangers for several weeks, despite all of us, and I do mean all of us, trying to get through to her. She would have moments where she’d slip and act normally around us, then the expression would slide from her face and she’d look disappointed and confused for a moment before leaving the room or house to ‘think’ as she put it. Her thoughts and emotions were affecting us all, but hitting Ash and I most powerfully through our Bond, to the point we were almost tiptoeing around her.
“Well I don’t know what else to do, I thought I was getting through to her, but she’s just pulled away again! I can’t take much more of her mood swings this is all too much for me!” Ash knotted their fingers in their hair as they whispered fiercely at me while seated at the kitchen island.
“Look, you’re the closest one to human, you used to be a human, that’s why we keep asking you to talk to her!” I hissed back. I slammed a cup of juice on the counter for Cael, who glared at me angrily as it sloshed over the edge. “Sorry buddy. Papa’ll clean that up.” I gritted my teeth, Harlee’s influence. I sighed.
“God! I don't even remember what that was like!” Ash griped, grabbing the cup and passing it to Cael after wiping on their shirt. “Zaza’s got you baby, Papa Zeev’s a big grumpy bear isn’t he?” Cael gave Ash a toothy grin and then shot me a death glare as he gripped the cup. Childishly, I considered sticking my tongue out at them both. Instead, I grumbled as I grabbed a dish rag and dampened it to clean the sticky mess.
“Further, if you don’t stop using His name, you’re going to get struck down. OR draw unwanted attention to us.” I threw the rag into the sink. Ash scoffed, then seemed to reconsider.
“There have been an awful lot of Angels lately.” Ash mused, then waved a hand dismissively. “Nah, they ain’t got time for the likes of me.”
“They do if they’re looking for us.” I jabbed a finger in Ash’s direction. Ash stood, pushing the stool back they were seated on with their legs.
“You’re just crabby because she’s crabby.” Ash spat.
“Pot. Kettle.” I growled back.” Cael heaved a sigh and slid from his stool, clutching his cup tightly to his chest so he wouldn’t spill.
“Look at that! Your attitude runs off small children!” Ash accused.
“So does your face.” I retorted.
“Enough!” Sam thundered from the doorway. “Hell! You two fight worse than an old married couple. More like a couple of rival teens denying your escalating s****l tension. Go make out in a closet so the rest of the adults can think around here or something!” Both Ash and I gaped at Sam as though we’d never met him before.
“Now you see here-” Ash started, but I just burst out laughing.
“So there’s a sense of humor under there after all.” I teased. Sam snarled and Ash looked at me incredulously before throwing up their arms and leaving the room in a huff.
“And competitor number two enters the ring.” Harlee drawled from behind Sam. He jerked and spun around. She just shook her head and headed back into the bedroom.
“So what are we gonna do about that?” I asked tilting my head in her direction while looking at Sam. He just sighed.
“I don’t know.” He responded, rubbing a hand over his face. “I really don’t know.”