Hate To Love You, Love To Hate You

“Living is easy, but surviving is not.” Mom said that to me with a smile on her face, bags under her eyes – following a deep sigh of agony. That was the moment when I decided that I would change it for us – for myself, for mom, and for Daniel. I decided that I was going to put an end to our suffering. I was already a bright student then. I was already promised a scholarship to one of the ivy league schools. I was determined to change everything. I was determined to study harder, get into the best school, earn a degree, and work our miseries off. I was going to make a name in this world. But people like us – people like me, are invisible. Anyone can snatch anything from us, and no one would bat an eye. Do it to an influential person, and see the world shift. When Claudia received a full scholarship to my dream university, no one cared. It was supposed to be mine, but since she came from an influential family, she got in, while I was left out. I didn’t even know she was after this scholarship. If she wanted, her father could have paid for her fee. It was me who couldn’t do so. I needed that scholarship, but it was she who got it. But that wasn’t the worse part, the worse part was the fact that Claudia was my best friend, or that’s what I thought. She wasn’t a bright student. I tutored her. I did her homework and assignments, just for her to steal my spot. When I confronted her after she got into one of the best universities in the country, she said to me, “It is what it is.” And she was right. It truly is what it is. I am not a special case, this has been happening to many other people like me. These influential and loaded people feed on scum like us. They step on us to get to the top. And the most bitter part is that they are successful in doing so. Where else we – we are as helpless and as powerless as we always have been. So, what happens to me next? All my plans were shattered. Just when I thought there would be ease in my life, everything got difficult. After high school, I got into a community college – it was the only place I could afford to go to. I had to do something. I couldn’t just give up. I enrolled in college, but life decided to test me again when my mother started to get sick, and my special needs brother, Daniel, needed more attention. I started to freeze my semesters to work in place of mom. I started with a job when I was nineteen. It turned into two before I even got twenty. And now, two years later, I am working four jobs in a week while I try to take night classes so I can finish school. I am twenty-two years old and I am still far from getting my degree. There is just so much going on in my life, that I can’t even focus on myself. My father passed away when I was ten. Daniel was only three. Dad was a good man. He worked hard for his family. One day at work, he had a fatal heart attack, and just like that, he left us in his cruel world alone. My mother started to work random jobs after his death. Since my brother was a special child, I used to look after him while my mother worked day and night. We were never a wealthy family. My parents had no savings. And it got harder for my mother to keep up after his death. My mother didn’t give up. She told me to focus on my studies while she takes care of the family, but by the end of high school, she started to get sick. She was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. We didn’t have enough money to spend on her treatment. We sold a lot of our possessions to finance her treatment, but it was too late. It has gotten worse. Mom couldn't work anymore, so I stepped up and became the sole breadwinner of the house. I know she feels guilty for all the burden on my shoulders, but it is not her fault. She did her best. It was my time now. I wish I could have been a better daughter and elder sister. She now stays with Daniel at home, while I work. On weekdays, I work two jobs. One as a waitress at a restaurant and the second one at a bar by night. At the bar, I only work from Monday to Wednesday, because the rest of the week I take night classes. After I return from work it is usually past ten – that’s when I study if I have time. I am doing poorly. My grades have dropped recently because of my busy schedule. I have two other jobs at the weekend. On Saturdays and Sundays, I work at the mall as a salesperson during the day, and by night I drive an Uber. I don’t have a car, but the owner of the bar I work at, Gavin, let him borrow his daughter’s car for the weekend. I always fill up the fuel and return it to him early on Monday mornings. This was supposed to be my life. This is how I was going to live for the rest of my life – struggling and fighting. But this man that sits in front of me suggests differently. He looks like he is in his last thirties. He is tall and smart. His dark hair was messy and his beard looked like it hadn’t been trimmed in days. I have seen him around before. He comes in, has a drink alone, and leaves, but today he asked for me. He wanted to have a conversation with me. So, now I am sitting at the back of the bar I work at, with this man who told him his name is Andrew. My eyes were on the files that were open in front of me, with all the details about my life. I squinted my eyes as I read every detail about me and my family printed on page after page. “What do you want from me?” I asked. Twenty minutes ago, my manager told me that there was a man who was asking for me. I went out to see Andrew waiting for me. I have seen him before at the bar, but I didn’t know him. He showed me his badge. He is a detective for the NYPD. I got scared for a second, but he assured me that I was not in trouble. He told me he had an offer for me that would be hard for me to refuse and asked me to take a seat, so I did. We were at the back of the bar. I could see my manager glancing toward us from time to time. I passed him an assuring nod. I am lucky to have a manager like Gavin. He always looks after me. Andrew was dressed in a leather jacket and black jeans. He was wearing a plain blue t-shirt underneath. He blends in pretty well with the other people that come to this bar. I don’t think anyone knows that he is a detective. I didn’t know either. Before he even made an offer, he laid down all that he found about me. Andrew intertwined his fingers on the top of the table, “Do you know Claudia Forte?” He asked. I frowned, “Yes. I mean, I knew her. She went to school with me. Why?” Even after what Claudia did to me, for a second I was concerned for her. “Well, we are secretly investigating her father, James Forte.” He answered me. I knitted my eyebrows. I met Dr. Forte before – once or twice. He is a well-known surgeon. “For what?” Andrew heaved a sigh, “For illegal organ harvesting. We believe he is a part of the illicit trading of organs. There is an entire trafficking chain that we have been trying to bust for a couple of years now. We got some evidence that led us to Dr. Forte. But the evidence is not concrete enough to charge him yet. If we file a case against him with our limited evidence, there is a chance he will get away with it. He already knows a lot of people that could help him out. We believe he has been in on many other crimes as well, including forging his daughter’s SAT results to get her to an ivy league school. He is the reason why you couldn’t make it, and Claudia Forte did.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My eyes widened as I watched Andrew take some pictures out of another file. He laid them all in front of me. There were pictures of different people, including a child. “These are seven of Dr. Forte’s patients that mysteriously died in the last six years. All of them were organ donors, and none of them were critically ill. Very reliable sources informed us that he deliberately worsened several of his patient's conditions and later killed them so he could make money out of harvesting their organs.” I was baffled. I couldn’t even process it. It was too much information. My palms got clammy, and my legs started to shake. My mouth dried. I gulped and looked at him, “Why – why did you tell me that?” “Because we need your help, Luna. We know Claudia Forte knows about her father's crime and we need her confession, which you can help us get. A simple confession from her could help us break this case,” Andrew said. I got scared just to hear about it. I couldn’t do it. I shook my head, “No, I am sorry but I can’t help you.” I said and got up on my feet. “If you help us, we can get you what you want,” Andrew said. I squinted my eyes, “What?” “Your mother’s condition is getting worse, but it hasn’t gotten out of hand yet. We can get her treated. Also, you are financially struggling. We can help you with monetary funds for your family and your studies. It is not too late, you can still make it to your dream school and graduate. Your brother can also live a comfortable life. I know it all sounds dangerous and it is, but we will provide you with the protection you need.” He offered. “Luna, you need our help as much as we need yours. You are the only person that can help us. I know you bumped into Claudia last week. I am sure you can get her to speak. Please, think about it.” Andrew said, and got on his feet. The fact that this man knew everything about me – even what happened last week, was alarming. Andrew sighed and gave me his number. “Think about it, and then contact me – and meanwhile do not discuss this case with anyone, or else you will have to deal with many legal consequences.” He warned me before he was gone – leaving me in cold sweats. That night I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was what Andrew told me. There is no doubt Andrew has been spying on me, and he got me where he wanted me. He didn’t blackmail me, but he found my weakness. My family and the issues we are facing can all be solved if I have enough money. I tossed to my side and look out of the window of my room. I had no view to look at. All I could see was the wall of the other building. I closed my eyes. Daniel often asks me if we will ever get to live in a better neighborhood. If I agree to help officer Andrew, will I be able to provide Daniel with a better life? He is just fifteen – he has his entire life ahead of him. I don’t want him to live as I did. I want him to have a better future. And, mom – she needs a break. She spent all her life trying to provide a better future for us. If I say she can get treated, maybe – just maybe she will live a comfortable life. Daniel is closer to mom than he is to me. We were both very close when I was younger, but as I grew older, we started to spend less and less time together. We didn’t grow apart, but he now feels more comfortable around mom than me. If something happened to mom, he would not be able to survive. He needs mom. I opened my eyes and sat up. Usually, when I return from work, I am so beat that the minute my head hits the pillow, I fall into a dreamless sleep, but tonight I couldn’t even blink. I only had a few hours before I had to get up and go to work again. I don’t know why Officer Andrew thinks that I can make Claudia confess. If he knows that I bumped into her last week, then he should also know that it did not go well. It was not a pleasant encounter, not because of Claudia, but her specific “friend” – Austin.