A Dragon's Heart

8.

BILAL.

If insanity was a moment, it would be now. If it was a thing, it would be me, kissing my mate like a crazed hungry animal. Or perhaps, maybe I was. And that was okay.

I was past thinking. Past making sense of anything and everything around me. All that mattered at the moment was my wife in my arms. Kissing me back. I kept my hands firmly in place, one hand in her wet soft hair, and the other gripping her jaw.

I loved this. I loved the feel of her. Her soft sighs. The warmth of her palm resting on my chest. And then somehow, that thought pushed me to slow down. And I was now kissing her slowly, learning the contours of her mouth. My hand moved from her hair to her waist as I pulled her closer, finally pressing her full body against mine. I was kissing her with the curiosity of a boy finding a toy, with the desperation of a starved man. I was kissing her senseless, the same way I knew I was senseless. No, I was stupid, because If I were asked a simple question now, I wouldn't be able to answer.

The best part of it all? I hadn't even even slipped inside. My tongue was yet to make contact with hers, and I couldn't help but imagine how that would feel when it happened. How…

I paused in that moment as something sleek and slimy rubbed a part of my face. I popped my eyes open, only to find Sameer licking Noorie’s face in desperate licks.

The i***t had shrunk down in size! It was no wonder I instantly felt weak. Everytime Sameer shrinks from his normal size to a smaller size that would allow him to fit in some of the smaller spaces like bedrooms in the castle, our combined powers drain for a whole day. It sucks, but then again, everything has a consequence. Just like the oath I took.

‘Afuwaan, Beautiful. I couldn't resist getting a lick as soon as I saw you,’ Sameer drawled, his heated eyes fixed directly on Nuryan.

She blinked once, then twice, then thrice, as though in a daze, before suddenly gasping and completely moving away from my hold. She stared at Sameer for a while, and I was sure she was wondering if she had just heard him speak to her or not.

“He did speak to you just now,” I said quietly, deciding to help ease the tension around her shoulders.

At this moment, I couldn’t see what he’s doing since he’s behind me but by the tilt of her head and his slight change in breathing I bet he’s trying to smile, and it didn’t seem to be going over very well. I internally facepalm and told him to chill out before he scared her. The last thing we need right now is both an angry AND scared mate.

‘Chill, buddy. You are ugly enough to scare her without actually trying.’

‘Hah! The sarcasm is there. I could taste it. I was just trying to make myself known.’

‘Give it time. We need her calm right now.’

As if on cue, her eyes drifted away from Sameer, and she looked around frantically. When her eyes finally rested on her soaked towel, she bent and retrieved it, while I fought every wild thought calling to me and avoided trailing my eyes down the length of her body. Not now. Not yet. Too soon…

Sameer scoffed. ‘Who are you kidding? You don’t want to watch because you won’t be able to control yourself,’ he snickered, this time directing his voice only to me, rather than to both Nurayn and I when he spoke to her.

I ignored him, focusing on the only person that mattered. My wife. She had her back turned to us and was breathing heavily. As much as I wanted her to turn, I knew she needed a moment.

‘You think we did everything wrong by sneaking in?’ Sameer asked, coming to stand beside me. Despite shrinking in size, he was still big. Large. I was like a toddler before a grown-up in his presence.

I swallowed. I already knew the answer. Sneaking in this way wasn’t the right thing to do, and from the tightness of her shoulders, I had just added another crime to my list. Or did I add two things to the list, considering I did just kiss her without consent, by surprise, and like it was my last meal? But then, there was nothing rational I could've done in that moment to stop it. Nothing.

I was supposed to be the bigger person. Thoughtful. Calm and collected. I wasn't supposed to act like some unleashed beast denied meat, or maybe I was. Because I missed her. I missed her so much, and it made sense that I reacted the way I did even if I wasn't supposed to. But the moment I walked up to her and signaled for Yasmina to leave, I had the desperate urge to touch her. To hug her. To whisper sweet nothings in her ears and tell her how much I missed her. To kiss her. However, knowing how I left, I knew I had no such luxury. At least not yet because I was going to fight for it dammit!

But the moment she turned. The second our eyes clashed and her scent exploded like a trapped rain set free, I stopped thinking, and my sanity slipped past through the cracks of my brain. And I messed up again. Yet, I did not regret it. To have the taste of her on my tongue, despite not slipping into her mouth. Her addictive scent of vanilla and coconut wrecked my nerves.

Ayeeh feek!

Deciding that I would take everything she throws at me, I walked up to the stack of towels resting on the cabinet and pulled a new one. Then I walked up to her, avoiding her eyes completely as I slipped the soaked towel from her body and dropped it to the wet floor.

But before I could move to wrap the new one around her, she moved.

“No, no, no! You do not get to do this to me!” She snapped, panting heavily as she moved away from me, crossing her arms over those perfect breasts…

Damn! Why did I look? I wasn’t supposed to look!

“You do not get to abandon me for a week and then come back to kiss me like… like… like…”

“Like you are the only person I can see. The one person who controls my sanity,” I finished quietly, finally allowing my eyes to travel down the length of her body, despite not wanting to so I wouldn't make her uncomfortable. Or make myself uncomfortable.

But how was I supposed to handle it when she stood there, naked and confident?

As though hearing my thoughts, she moved, picking up the soaked towel I had dropped on the wet floor and wrapping it around her body. She didn't meet my eyes as she secured it, nor did she look up as she spoke.

“I am not covering up because I am conscious of my body,” she said.

“I know.”

“And I love being plus-sized. I have no plans of losing weight.”

I smiled. “I know, and I don't care. Your body is yours, Nurayn. I’d still want you regardless of how you looked.”

She looked at me like she didn't believe me before she added. “I am covering up only because I do not like the way you 're looking at me.”

“How was I looking at you?” I asked, loving the back and forth between us. At least, I was getting something. Getting us something.

“Like… Like… I…”

“Like you’re it for me,” I answered, taking a single step close to her. “Like I could burn the whole world to ashes and not give a single damn about it. Like I would ruin anyone or anything that stands between you and I. Between our love.” I added. “Like no one can ever replace you.”

A moment of strained silence settled around us, and I could hear the loud pounding of my chest in my ears, I could hear the thudding of Sameer’s as we waited for her response. Her eyes shifted from me to Sameer, then back to the wet floor as she stared at her feet.

“Get out.” She said, her voice layered with so much anger.

“Nurayn…”

“Leave!” she screamed, looking up as I watched as a lone tear rolled down her eye. Just how much had I hurt her?

I took another step closer, and somehow felt Sameer standing behind me. “Just listen to me…”

“I promised myself I wouldn’t judge you,” she heaved, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I told myself I understood what you did. That you’d come back and explain and everything would be okay.” she paused, wiping angrily at the tears, as though she was mad she had cried before me.

My chest pinched with something fierce, and I was suddenly overwhelmed by everything. I don’t do well with tears, even more so when said tears were from my wife. So I simply stayed put, and listened as she continued to speak.

“But seeing you right now, just made me realize how mad I was. How much your actions, even if you had a genuine reason, have hurt me. Seeing you, feeling you, kissing you… all of those actions unleashed the terrible ache I was fighting desperately to hold back. Who was I kidding? What woman would be okay with her husband leaving on their wedding night? Without so much of an explanation at that?”

Those damn tears again, chasing one after the other.

“Dammit! I hate this!” she whispered, wiping at the tears again.

Sameer made a choking sound from behind me, and I know, just like me, he hated seeing those tears.

“I wanted so desperately to try to understand you, to wait until you explained yourself, that is, if you wished to do so before I made my judgment. But I can only take so much at a time. This heart of mine can only handle so much pain, and you, this thing you just did, was honestly more than I could bear. It made the top of the list, Bilal,” she finally finished, and through it all, she hadn’t met my gaze.

She ducked her head down, wiping her tears again before crossing her arms over her chest.

“Just leave, please. I need a moment alone. I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough for the day. Leave…”

The words were barely out of her mouth before I closed the remaining distance between us and pulled her into a hug. Her body stiffened for a moment, before she sagged against me in relief, at least, that was what I thought as I held her. Her face was buried at the crook of my neck, and the tears kept flowing, soaking the front of my caftan thobe.

I ran my hand across her bare back, while the other played with her hair.

I loved and wanted this woman. Fiercely. Strongly. And I would do everything I could to protect her.

Even from myself.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered into her ears. “I am so sorry, Nuryan. And I will fix this. I will fix us. I promise.”