Prologue 1
1110 Words
Nakatitig sa mga nanginginig na kamay si Langdon habang paulit-ulit na naglalaro sa utak niya ang mukha ng pinatay na babae.
Alcindra, in the last seconds of her life, can't even afford to hate him. She still looked at him lovingly with hope in her eyes that he would drop the gun to the ground and save her from himself.
Magsisinungaling siya sa sarili kung sasabihin niyang hindi siya nag-alinlangan. Alcindra is only one of the few persons in his life who were able to see past through the mask he's worn for the longest time.
But now.... She's gone. Forever. It's because of him. He killed her to get his revenge.
Pero bakit wala siyang maramdamang satisfaction ngayon? Bakit naiwan pa rin sa isip niya ang kalunus-lunos na mukha nito habang nagmamakaawa sa kaniya? Bakit parang wala siyang maramdaman ni katiting na kasiyahan?
She doesn't deserve it but she is the atonement to the sins of her father and brother. He should have at least felt a little of victory but instead of celebrating, he's looking at the things inside her luggage spread before him.
Her cellphone filled with his stolen photos is on the small table. Her books, the dried flowers he never realized she kept are carefully scattered on the floor.
Her items were strewn everywhere in his house as if reminding him that the guilt he felt will always be here to stay buried in the deepest part of his existence.
Walang lakas ang mga tuhod niya nang tumayo para kunin ang picture frame ni Casindra sa silid. Pagpasok niya sa pinto ay natigilan siya nang sa gilid nito ng frame ay naroroon ang eyeglass chain na binili niya para kay Alcindra.
Sa nanginginig na kamay ay kinuha niya ito kasabay ang frame at naupo sa sahig. Tinitigan niya ang mukha ng kasintahan. Malapit nang tuluyang mabura ang mukha nito.
He gently touched Casindra's fading face. "I believe I have taken my revenge against your killers, Cas. But I'm sorry to tell you that... that I took it on your most beloved cousin. I killed your innocent cousin, my love. I killed Alcindra and I never felt this horrible in my entire life," pag-amin niya sa sarili.
Hindi niya namalayang nagsimulang pumatak ang kaniyang mga luha.
He committed the gravest sin. He's unforgivable.
He betrayed the woman who cared for him. What's worse is he killed her and witnessed how life slowly left her eyes while she's falling on the same cliff Casindra fell to death.
Pinagmasdan niya ang tahimik na kabahayan. Dati ay walang segundo ang makakaraan na wala siyang maririnig na tunog. Alcindra is always there, always doing something for him. Palagi siyang nilulutuan kahit hindi niya naman kinakain. Always bringing him something to read, something to watch, something to comment to.
"I believe that girl really loved me, Cas. And I'll be cursed forever for killing her."
He caressed the goat on the chain. He must admit that he must have felt something for Alcindra as a woman. Akala nga niya ay nahanap na niya ang babaeng kayang tapatan ang pag-ibig na ibinigay niya kay Casindra.
He will be a hypocrite if he will not admit to himself that he did care for her. He thought that he even loved her at some point. Binuhay nito ang klase ng damdamin na si Casindra lang ang nakapagparamdam sa kaniya pero hindi niya iyon pinagtuunan ng pansin.
Masyado niyang kilala ang sarili. Alcindra just reminded him of Casindra so the unmistakable love he felt for her is just a fragment of the love he kept for years.
But still... He felt so guilty. Regret is eating out his heart. Alam niya sa sarili na hindi maganda ang naging pagtrato niya rito. He is a wolf who took advantage of her innocence, of her love for him.
Alam niya na nagpapaalam na sa kaniya ang babae kaninang umaga. He can read it in her eyes, the pleas, the unshed tears of longing and love. Dapat sapat na iyon sa kaniya. Dapat hinayaan niya na itong makalayo.
If given a chance, would he still pull the trigger? He'd wish he didn't.
Dapat si Nathan ang pinatay niya at hindi si Alcindra. She will hate him but he can always live with that. But now, he'd have to live in constant regret and guilt.
He wanted to justify everything by convincing himself that he has finally avenged Casindra. Nararapat lang iyon. Kailangan niyang iparamdam sa kanila ang kaparehong sakit na naramdaman niya noong mapanood niyang unti-unting mawalan ng buhay ang pinakamamahal niya.
Magpasalamat lang sila at isang buhay lang ang naging kapalit sa dalawang taong nawala sa kaniya. It isn't enough. He should ask for one more life from them. He should continue hunting.
Pero ayaw tanggapin ng sistema niya ang mga paliwanag niya. It's rejecting his conditioning and it creates its own reality and memories. It always replays the moments he had with the sweet girl. The way her eyes lit up whenever she saw him. The chocolate drips on her dress, the stolen glances she throws at him, the pure love she has on him, the borderline stupidity of her affection for him.
"I... I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Cin."
Binitawan niya ang frame at sumiksik sa sulok at tinakpan ang sariling mukha. Umagos ang luha na hindi na niya nakuhang pigilan. He's ashamed of himself, of the person he has become.
Hindi siya makapaniwalang kaya niyang pumatay ng isang inosenteng tao na hindi basta kung sino lang. Nakasama niya si Alcindra sa iisang bubong sa loob ng ilang buwan. She is not a stranger to him. May pinagsamahan sila. Puro pag-aalala at pagmamahal ang ipinakita nito sa kaniya.
She filled his days with happiness in every little thing that she does. Hindi niya lang pinapakita rito pero nagpapasalamat siya na dumating ito sa buhay niya. Nagdala ito ng liwanag sa kadiliman na bumabalot sa kaniya. She became his literal sunshine.
But now, everything is too late. He can only ask for what could have happened if he didn't do it. Iyon na lang ang tanging magagawa niya, ang paulit-ulit na humingi ng tawad sa pinakamabigat na kasalanan na nagawa niya sa tanang buhay niya.
He can never see her smile again just like Cas.
Why did I do it? Why did I kill her?
Umagaw sa katahimikan ng gabi ang tunog ng isang tawag sa kaniyang cellphone na nasa sahig. Napakurap si Langdon at nakatulalang pinagmamasdan ang nakangiting mukha ni Alcindra na lock screen niya.
"That's right," he murmured. "It's time to punish myself for my crime. I need to go back to Monte Vega now."
- Writer
