KISSES & BEYOND (The Damned Series #1)

Kabanata 10

CAELIAN was leaning by the window sill when Thana woke up. Tinatanaw niya ang makukulay na mga ilaw sa syudad na mapagmamasdan lamang tuwing gabi. Nang mapansin niya ang pagbangon ng dalaga mula sa repleksyon nito sa salaming bintana ay agad din siyang napalingon.

But Thana was also quick to hide under her blanket. Palihim siyang napangiti dahil dito at nag-umpisang lumapit sa tabi ng kama.

“May problema ba?”

He tried to pull the blanket but Thana fought back. Napangiti na naman ito.

“Bakit ka nagtatago?”

“Na… nahihiya,” mahinang bigkas nito.

“Nahihiya? Bakit ka nahihiya?”

Dahan-dahang sumilip si Thana sa kumot, tila natatakot na makasalubong ang mga mata niya. But when she saw his smile, she managed to get a little confidence to finally face him.

“Naabala kita.”

Napatitig lamang sa kaniya si Caelian, hinihintay na kusa na nitong ibaba ang kumot at huminto sa pagtatago. He liked her face after waking up this morning, and he is still mesmerized by how she looks at this moment right after waking up from her hospital bed.

“Hindi mo ako naaabala.”

“Hayaan mo, pagtratrabahuhan ko na lang ang pambayad sa ginastos mo sakin dito.”

The little light of joy on his face quickly died in no time after hearing her. Sinuklay nito ang buhok gamit ang mga daliri, kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi habang kinakalma ang sarili.

“Pinagtratrabaho ka rin ba ng nanay mo sa tuwing na-o-ospital ka noon?”

Tumango si Thana.

Though he already has an idea what kind of job it is, he still wanted to ask. Gusto niyang kumpirmahin ang iniisip.

“Anong… klaseng trabaho?”

“Hmm… pinapatulog niya ako sa bahay ng kliyente niya dahil mas malaki ang bayad kapag ganoon.”

Caelian could not anymore hide the rising of his chest as he breathes heavily. Pakiramdam niya’y may puputok na ugat sa kaniyang bunbunan dahil sa pagpipigil niyang pasiklabin ang galit sa loob. The fact that Thana told him that like it’s just an ordinary thing to say or an ordinary thing to do, angered him the most.

If she acts as if what she has been doing in the past is just normal, does she even have even a tiny idea what living a true life is all about? If that’s the kind of life that she grew up to, that she has known ever since, would she still be able to find pleasure in the good life that he wants to give her?

Caelian tried so hard not to let his anger speak.

“Hindi mo na kailangan pang gawin ang mga ‘yon simula ngayon, maliwanag?”

Bahagyang napakunot ang noo ni Thana sa pagtataka.

“Bakit‒”

“Wala na rito ang nanay mo. At kahit kalian hindi na kayo magkikita pang muli.”

“A-anong… ibig mong sabihin?”

Tuluyan niya nang inalis ang kurbata dahil parang kinakapos na siya ng hininga. He opened the first three buttons of his shirt while he tries to calm himself.

Pinakainiiwasan niyang mapunta sa magulang ni Thana ang usapan o ang magtanong ito tungkol sa nanay niya. But he can’t run away from this forever. At para tuluyan niya na ring maalis sa sistema ni Thana ang nanay nito, kailangan niyang liwanagin ito sa kaniya. Kailangan niyang gumawa ng kwento, kailangan niyang magsinungaling.

“Wala ka ba talagang naaalala sa mga nangyari kahapon?”

Thana thought for a while. She bit her lower lip while trying to remember anything. And Caelian had to look away because of that.

“May… kliyente… pagkatapos nawalan ako ng malay. Tapos pagkagising ko, ikaw na ang kasama ko. Iyon lamang ang naaalala ko.”

He sighed in relief. Now, there won’t be any problems anymore.

“Iniwan ka na niya. Iniwan ka ng nanay mo sakin.”

With this lie, at least, he could give her hope that her mother is still alive. That way, it won’t hurt that much.

Or so he thought.

Dahil basa na ang mga pisngi ng dalaga nang ibalik niya ang tingin dito. Tila hindi nauubusan ng tubig ang mga mata dahil sa walang tigil na pagpuno ng tubig dito.

“Babalik pa ba siya?”

Hindi ito makasagot. Napako lamang ang tingin niya sa mga mata nito, sa kaniyang mga luhang nangangahulugang nasasaktan siya. Hindi niya maintindihan. Bakit nito iniiyakan ang taong walang ibang ginawa kundi ang saktan siya? Bakit niya gugustuhing bumalik ang taong pinahirapan lamang siya buong buhay niya? Bakit hindi siya natutuwa at sa wakas ay malaya na siya mula sa presong iyon, sa buhay na iyon?

Tila nagkasariling isip ang kamay niya nang abutin nito ang pisngi ng dalaga. His hand looks so big while cupping her cheek. His thumb felt home while wiping her wet cheek, while tracing the corner of her lips. His fingers fitted her neck perfectly as if they were made to hold it.

He liked the sight of her face being next to his palm. Maybe it was his subconscious’ doing of bringing her face closer to him. Closer to his chest where he can look more closely at her face. Where he can marvel more properly at her almond eyes and long lashes. And only God knows how he is dying to nibble these tiny lips now.

Ang paghawak lamang ng maliit nitong kamay sa braso niya ang nagpagising sa kaniya. Wala pa rin talagang pinagbago, wala pa ring pag-usad. Ang hina niya pa rin talaga pagdating sa kaniya. Naduduwag pa rin talaga siya pagdating kay Thana.

“Hindi na,” halos kapusin sa hininga niyang sagot.

“CAELIAN!”

Kapwa naman silang napalingon sa direksyon ng pinto dahil sa malakas na pagbagsak nito. The furious man standing at the door is in disbelief seeing them in this position. Pabalik-balik ang tingin sa kanilang dalawa at hindi makapaniwala.

Gulantang man at bahagyang natakot sa pagsigaw niya si Thana, pinakitaan lamang siya ng iritadong tingin ni Caelian.

“Really?! This is my prize for waiting for you the whole day?! For f**king searching for you in every hospital thinking you’ve been in a d*mn accident?! Really, Caelian?! This is what you’ve been doing instead of meeting up with the investors?! Just for one f**kin’ kid?!”

Mabuti na lang at hindi nakakaintindi ng Ingles si Thana dahil kung hindi ay baka nasuntok na ni Caelian ang bibig nito. Ginamit niya ang pagkakataong wala sa kaniya ang tingin ng dalaga upang tapunan ng matalim na titig si Louis.

“Watch your language when you’re in front of her, Louis.”

Malakas na binagsak ni Louis ang pinto bago galit na nagmartsa palapit sa kanila. Caelian wiped away the tears on her cheeks before finally letting her go. Kumapit naman si Thana sa laylayan ng damit niya dahil sa takot nito sa lalaking palapit sa kanila.

“You’re scaring her, Louis.”

“Oh, yeah? After losing a very important investor, that is still your concern?!”

Caelian gently squeezed her hand as if telling her that everything’s going to be fine.

“Let’s talk outside.”

“No! I want her to hear every f**king word that I will say!”

Pinukulan niya ito ng mas matalim pang titig. Pero sa galit ni Louis, parang walang talab ito sa kaniya.

“You’re lucky I can’t hurt you in front of her,” Caelian spoke in a low voice. “Either you keep that god**mn voice down or I’ll make sure to break both of your legs when we get out of this room. You choose.”

Doon lamang natahimik si Louis. He has been with Caelian ever since before he started in the business industry kaya kilalang-kilala niya na ito. He knows when to back off and he knew that this time is the right time. He knows everything about Caelian, both his good and bad sides. And that he shouldn’t get on his bad side.

Sa huli ay napabuntong-hininga na lamang ito. Sinisikap na pahupain ang galit.

Caelian waited for him to finally calm down before speaking again.

“This is Thana,” he plainly said.

Hindi pa nga nababawi ni Louis ang hininga ay tila kakapusin na naman ito ulit dahil sa gulat sa ibinulgar ng kaibigan.

“Thana? You mean that girl that you met three months ago?”

Caelian only nodded. Napako naman ang tingin ni Louis sa babaeng nasa harapan niya, inaaral ang kabuuan nito. She looks exactly how Caelian described her, she really looks like an angel with her big eyes and tiny lips, with her small face that matches the curly ends of her hair, and with her rosy cheeks complementing her narrow nose. At tama rin ang kaibigan niya, parang ang bata pa nga nito.

“How did you find her? And why are you here in the hospital? Just what the hell happened?”

Caelian sighed before gazing back at Thana again. Nakatingala lamang ito sa kaniya, tila naghihintay na sabihin niya ang nangyayari o ang ipaliwanag sa kaniya ang sinasabi ng lalaki. Ginawaran niya lamang ito ng matamis na ngiti, dahan-dahang inaalis ang kamay ng dalaga mula sa pagkakakapit sa kaniya at marahang hinaplos ang buhok nito.

“Lalabas muna ako saglit. Mag-uusap lang kami,”

Though Thana didn’t want to let him go, she had to. Ayaw niyang maiwan sa kwartong ito nang mag-isa, ayaw niyang nakikita ang mapuputing pader na nakapalibot sa kaniya. Subalit wala rin siyang nagawa kundi ang tahimik na lamang na panoorin ang dalawang lalaking papalabas ng silid.

Caelian checked the both sides of the hallway first, ensuring that nobody can hear them, before finally glancing at Louis.

“So? What happened this morning?” panimula niya.

Louis noisily heaved a sigh as if making sure that Caelian would hear his disappointment.

“She walked out on me, of course,” he complained, referring to the female investor that they almost had.

Bahagyang natawa si Caelian sa sinabi nito.

“You know that she likes you. You’re the only reason why she wanted to invest on us. Although I know I’m handsome too, what can a married man like me do? She hates me!”

Lumawak ang ngisi ni Caelian at pailing-iling na lamang sa kaibigan. Pero alam niya ring siya ang may kasalanan sa nangyari. It was such a great opportunity to lose. His company will benefit from them a lot, and they can even have another remarkable breakthrough in the business industry.

But he did what he knew was right and what he felt that his heart wanted. Wala siyang pinagsisisihan sa ginawa, na mas inuna niya si Thana kaysa sa kompanya.

“I’m sorry,” he softly said.

Napangiti naman si Louis dito. Tinapik-tapik na lang ang kaniyang balikat.

“Well… it’s such a big loss and we can’t do anything about it now. But there’s still a lot of bigger opportunities coming. Siguraduhin mo lang na sa oras na ‘yon, dadating ka na.”

Sinamahan niya iyon ng marahang pagtawa na sinabayan naman ni Caelian. Then the two of them fell silent for a moment when someone passed by in front of them. Nang makalayo na ito ay saka lang nagsalita muli si Louis.

“Is she the reason why you didn’t show up?”

Habang isinisilid sa bulsa ang mga kamay, tumango si Caelian.

Tanging dalawang tao lamang ang nakakaalam ng tungkol kay Thana, ng nangyari tatlong buwan na ang nakakalipas. Iyon ay si Louis at Cicely.

“So? What happened? How did you find her?”

Caelian thought about wanting to light a cigarette. Buong araw siyang hindi nakakahawak at nakakaamoy ng usok nito. His body is craving for it but he continues to ignore it.

“I came back to the place where I first met her.”

Bumalik na naman sa isipan niya ang nakita roon kahapon. Sa tuwing naaalala niya iyon, parang kuryenteng dumadaloy sa ugat niya ang galit na gumagapang sa kaniyang katawan. Para itong nagbabantang pasasabugin ang kaniyang katawan. It puts his mind in total chaos. Parang gusto niyang magwala, parang mababaliw siya sa hindi maintindihang dahilan, hindi niya malaman ang gagawin. All his mind and body want is just to destroy.

“And I regret not coming there sooner,” he added.

And Caelian told him what he saw back there… and what he did after that.

He wouldn’t want anyone to know about what happened or what had been happening to Thana back there. But if it’s Louis, his most trusted friend, it would be okay.

Louis is a father, himself. He also has a daughter. At ang marinig ang mga iyon kay Caelian, kaparehong galit lamang ang naramdaman niya. Just what kind of a parent can do that to his or her own daughter, he thought.

But living in this cruel world, he realized that it’s not something impossible to happen anymore. It really happens. It can happen to anyone. And it’s not only Thana, there are still other girls like her out there, waiting for somebody to come and save them.

“I… did it again,” Caelian confessed.

Doon pinakanagulantang si Louis, doon tila tumigil ang mundo niya, tumigil sa taong ito, sa kaibigan niya, sa halos ituring niya nang kapatid.

“You… w-what?”

“I killed them,” mahina niyang wika.

Louis could only gasp for an air in silence. He is in disbelief, or rather still trying to process it. Maybe he just heard him wrong or maybe Caelian was just fooling around. But the guilt and dread on Caelian’s face told him that he heard him right, and that he was telling the truth.

Napahilamos ito sa kaniyang mukha. Lumikot ang mga mata niya sa paligid upang siguraduhing walang nakarinig sa sinabi niya, sa pinag-uusapan nila.

“Caelian, I thought you are fine now?” pabulong nitong sabi.

“I thought, too, Louis,” bigong tugon nito. “But when I saw her lying there, when I saw that bastard violating her, I don’t know, I lost control of myself again. That anger, that same anger from the past, I felt it again.”

As their eyes met, Louis almost felt the same terror that he felt when he first saw this pair of eyes. Parang nakikita niya ang batang si Caelian. That boy that he failed to save from becoming a monster before.

Caelian was the only son of two well-known personalities in the business industry. Ang swerte niya at sa mayamang pamilya siya pinanganak, hindi niya na proproblemahin ang kakainin sa araw-araw o ang tirahan, kahit na anong gustuhin niya makukuha niya sa isang kumpas lang ng kamay.

But what seemed to be an admirable and ideal family for others was actually a living hell for him. Caelian never felt lucky being born wealthy, he has never thought of his life as being perfect. In fact, he would have rather be born to a poor family than have the family that he once had.

His parents were only forced to marry each other for the expansion of both families’ businesses and names. And being born with these parents, he knew he was an unwanted child.

He witnessed all kinds of fights that can happen between couples. He has witnessed both of his parents cheat and hurt each other. Maybe her mother cared for him a bit but never really loved him. Gayunpaman, mahal niya ang ina dahil kumpara sa ama niya, mas may pakialam ito sa kaniya.

Kaya sa tuwing nag-aaway o nagkakasakitan ang magulang, ang ina niya ang lagi niyang kinakampihan, ang lagi niyang nilalapitan. He felt nothing but only hatred towards his father.

And what the public knew to be an accident back then was actually a murder. At the age of 14, he witnessed his father kill his mother. The Montefrio couple did not die of an accident, they were killed.

“Why did you have to go that far for her?” bigong pagsasalita ni Louis.

Caelian asks the same question as well. Bakit niya nga ba iyon nagawa para lang kay Thana? Hindi niya ito kilala, hindi niya kaano-ano, kung tutuusin isang hamak na dalaga lamang ito na hindi niya maalis-alis sa isipan niya.

But the sight of her that day reminded him of his mother. Of how his mother lay beneath her manstress. The only difference was that Thana was forced to do that but his mother chose to do it.

“I don’t know. My body moved on its own. All I remember is that I was so angry.”

Nanood lamang siya noon habang ang ina niya ay tinatamasa ang sarap ng sandali. Pinanood niya lamang ang ina na pasiyahin ng ibang lalaki, ng hindi niya ama. His father went home to that scene and caught his mother.

He thought it would only be like their usual fights. Akala niya kagaya lang din ng dati na magsisigawan at magkakasakitan na naman ang mga magulang niya. He thought that his father won’t mind about his mother cheating because his father is a cheater himself too. Like his mother, his father has brought his mistress once at home. And Caelian was there too, he watched them too.

“I only calmed down when I saw her, when I saw Thana.”

What the public knew to be an accident was actually a murder. His father killed his mother and her manstress, and Caelian killed his father after that.

“How about now, how are you?” Louis asked. Nag-aalala ito sa kalagayan ni Caelian.

Louis was the only person who saw what happened that day. He was the only person who witnessed Caelian’s monstrosity and the person who covered up for it. Siya ang may pakana sa pagpapalabas bilang aksidente sa nangyari sa mag-asawa. He did not do it for the sake of Montefrio’s name and business, he did that for Caelian and his future.

Louis is actually Caelian’s uncle. Siya ang palaging nakakasama ni Caelian noong bata pa ito, siya ang palaging nandyan para sa kaniya. Hindi gaanong nalalayo ang edad nila kung kaya’t parang nakababatang kapatid na rin ang turing niya rito.

Kaya kung may tao mang pinaka nag-aalala para kay Caelian, si Louis iyon. He watched him grow, he has seen him become broken and then heal. He is the only witness of all the miseries and struggles that Caelian had gone through. And now that Caelian has done the same mistake that he did from the past, he is willing to cover up for him again.

“I’m fine now. I just feel upset every time I remember it.”

“Caelian… what if someone saw you?”

Nagtagis ang bagang ng binata habang nakatanaw sa puting dingding sa harapan nila.

“No one was there, I’m sure of it.”

“And what if you’re wrong? What if there was someone who saw you?”

Natahimik si Caelian. Louis could see how that thought troubled him.

But if Caelian was wrong, “Then I’ll make sure you won’t be wrong,” Louis assured him. “I’ll take care of everything.”

“I’m sorry.”

Nginitian siya nito at tinapik-tapik sa likuran. “Basta bumawi ka.”

Caelian grinned. “Paano naman?”

Louis smiled once again. “Just make sure that harm won’t come her way again. And… promise me…”

Napawi ang ngisi ni Caelian dahil sa biglang paglitaw na naman ng pag-aaalala sa mukha ni Louis. He will always be willing to clean up every mess that Caelian makes. He knows for sure that if this happens again, that if Caelian kills someone again, he would still be there for him, he would still stand up for him. But that doesn’t mean that he won’t do something to stop him from killing again.

He knows that there’s something wrong with Caelian and he also knows that Caelian is trying his hardest to heal, to overcome it, and to defeat the monster inside of him. Alam niyang hindi ginusto ni Caelian ang nangyari, alam niyang hindi gusto ni Caelian ang pumatay. He knows that it wasn’t Caelian who killed them, it was that the same monster.

Kaya kahit na hindi man siya sigurado kung tama nga bang manatili si Thana kasama si Caelian, hahayaan niya ito. Thana might just be what he has been searching for, Thana might just be what he has been wanting to happen to Caelian. She might just be the one that he needs, she might just be the one that Caelian needs to be saved from that monster.

“Promise me you won’t do it again.”

Caelian doesn’t need to promise him anymore because that’s exactly what he will do from now on.

Magsasalita na sana ito nang biglang bumukas ang pinto sa likuran nila. Sumilip ang maligalig na si Thana. May kaunting dugo sa kamay nito dulot ng pagtatanggal niya ng dextrose. Gusto sana nitong tuluyan nang lumabas at kumapit kay Caelian, but she is being wary of Louis.

Louis noticed it too. At para makabawi sa nangyari kanina, kinuha niya ang panyo at inabot ito kay Thana.

“Pasensiya ka na kanina. Ako nga pala si Louis, kaibigan ni Caelian,” malumanay niyang pagpapakilala.

Sumulyap si Thana kay Caelian na tila humihingi ng kumpirmasyon. Nang tumango ito ay tinanggap niya rin ang panyo.

“Louis. Caelian,” pag-uulit nito bago matamis na napangiti.

Kamuntik na namang matulala si Caelian sa ngiti niyang iyon, lalong-lalo na sa pagtawag nito sa pangalan niya. That was the first time she called his name. Para maitago niya ang ngiti ay kinuha niya na lamang ang panyo para siya na ang magpunas ng dugo sa kamay nito.

Samantalang napangiti na lamang si Louis nang makita niya ang reaksyon nito. Indeed, Thana could make him a totally different person. Perhaps, he now understands why Caelian became so obsessed with this girl.

“So you finally found something more important than your company, huh,” Louis whispered to himself.