PS: Don't Love Me

Chapter 2

YANA

DAY 2

"What's with the stuffed lion? I didn't know that you're into that." Steve asked me while eyeing the lion that I'm holding.

Oh yes, as corny and as cheesy as it is, when I saw this stuffed lion yesterday, I immediately thought of Sofia. I knew that she'll like it.

"This is not mine. This is for Sofi. I'm trying to woo her, remember?" I told him while checking the front door every now and then.

"Or trying to get into her pants?" he teased. I just ignored what he said. I will not let him ruin this day.

"Scoot. She's here." shaking his head, he walked away from me. Good boy, Stevie.

I smiled when I saw the prettiest girl enter the front door but it turned into a frown when she just walked right through me. She didn't even look at me.

But remember, I am Yana Lopez so I called and chased after her and gave her the my best smile when she looked at me.

"Lopez, I need to go to class. Can you not bother me, today? I've so many things to do." she whined but like earlier, I just smiled at her.

"Here." I told her while handing the stuffed lion over. "It's for you. Hope you'll like it" she didn't say anything but she didn't give it back so I smiled again.

And before I leave, I looked at her again.

"By the way, Sofia, it's a beautiful day, but not as beautiful as you are. Have a nice day." now, it's my turn to leave because it's kind of embarrassing. I was not aware that there are other people in this hallway.

I released a sigh of relief when I heard someone's voice. At least I didn't need to run away again just like what I did yesterday.

"That's cheesy and that's not so you, Yana. Anong ginawa mo sa pinsan ko?" and nawala lahat ng nerbyos na naramdaman ko kani-kanina lang habang kaharap ko si Sofia.

"Ate Yumi, ikaw na rin yung nagsabi na if I really want to be noticed by Sofia Ilustre, kailangan kong makita nya na I'm serious when I told her that I like her. Sabi mo nga, hindi sya tulad ng ibang babae."

"But the sad part is, you'll have to break her heart soon. Sigurado ka bang gusto mo talagang gawin 'to? I think, papayag naman si Steve na umurong ka dahil padalawang araw pa lang naman?" I shook my head. No. I'll do this. And I don't care if makakasakit man ako pag nagkataon.

"It's okay. I do it all the time, Ate. Ilan na ba yung nagawan ko ng ganito? Hindi na natin mabilang diba? So what's the difference now? Why will Sofia Ilustre be different from all of them?" tanong ko pa sa kanya. I'm right diba? I am always right.

"Looking at you now, I know that she's different. Alam mo din yon. You're just denying it." she told me habang nakatingin lang sya ng seryoso sa akin.

Of course, first step, denial. I have to deny it. As what Ate Yumi said, yes, I can feel the difference but I don't want her to know that. Dahil tulad ng lagi kong sinasabi, I am Yana Lopez at si Yana Lopez, hindi yan marunong makaramdam ng kahit ano.

"Nah. Pare-pareho lang sila, Ate." this time, sya naman yung umiling.

"I don't think so. Bata pa lang tayo, kilala na kita. Nakikita ko sa mata mo na---"

"Stop. I don't need this right now. Please Ate, please?" I begged her. Hindi ko kailangan ngayon ng gugulo sa isip ko.

She nodded pero alam kong ngayon lang 'to. I know na dadating yung oras na sasabihin nya sa akin na 'I told you so'. Pero not now, hindi muna ngayon.

Let's cross the bridge when we get there.

"I was thinking, how can you woo her if hindi mo naman sya kakausapin? If your only interactions eh yung mga Good Morning, Hello, Hi. Don't you want to step up your game?" she asked me after ng ilang minutong katahimikan.

She's right. If lagi na lang na kinakabahan ako everytime na nag-uusap kami, hindi maganda yung kakalabasan non. I'll lose. And if natalo ako, it only means na I have to be with my Dad's family. Kailangan kong tumira na kasama si Klarisse Lopez. And I'm not sure if kaya ko yon. Not that I don't like my 'sister' ha. It's just that, hindi ko alam kung makakasundo ko sya. Magkaiba kami eh.

"Yeah. I just need to prepare." she smirked when she heard what I said.

"Well, that's new. Kelan mo pa kinailangan na paghandaan yung pakikipag-usap sa isang babae?" I just shrugged. Ayoko na rin naman kasing pahabain 'tong conversation na 'to.

"I need to go to class. Later, Ate." yun lang at pumasok na ako sa first subject ko. Hindi ko na rin pinansin yung ngiti ni Ate Yumi bago ako tuluyang tumalikod sa kanya.

***

DAY 3

"Poem? Really? Kelan ka pa naman nahilig magsulat ng tula?" of course, papansinin na naman ni Ate Yumi yung ginagawa ko.

"I don't like poetry. Alam mo yan." after I said that, there's this mischievous glint in her eyes.

"So that's for--" I nodded.

"Yeah. For her. And it's not easy so don't you dare make fun of me, Ate. Bakit ba mahilig sya sa poems? Bakit hindi na lang porn or something? Mas marami akong alam don." medyo naiinis na sabi ko pa.

Kanina pa ako nagtatry magsulat at wala talagang pumapasok sa isip ko. What the f*ck will I write here? Ang dami ko na nasasayang na papel ha.

"Porn? Si Sofia Ilustre? You wish! Eh kung meron nga ditong Celibacy Club na parang dun sa Glee, malamang, sya yung president non." natatawang sabi pa ni Ate Yumi.

I couldn't agree more. Feeling ko, that's the reason din kung bakit sya yung pinili nila Steve na landiin ko. Hindi lang ako yung gusto nilang i-test. Gusto rin nilang i-test kung hanggang saan ba kayang magkontrol ni Sofia.

"Ate, please help me. I really can't think of anything." halos itapon ko naman yung papel na nasa harap ko ngayon.

"Hey, that's your job. You have to do it on your own. Ginusto mo yan, right?" I just rolled my eyes. Whatever.

"Fine. Pero pwede bang umalis ka muna? I have to concentrate para may masulat ako. So, shoo! Why don't you call your boyfriend and ask him to bang you." I playfully told her kaya ayun, nabato tuloy ako sapatos sa ulo. In fairness, masakit. As if naman hindi nya gusto yung idea ko.

At bago pa sya tuluyang lumayo, binatukan pa ako. Eh sya naman pala yung pa-virgin eh.

Yana, you have to think. You have to finish this freaking poem before your last subject. You have to give this to her dahil baka naghihintay sya ng ibibigay mo sa kanya ngayon.

Kamusta naman kasi na napuyat ka na naman kagabi because of some chick that you met sa bar na pinuntahan nyo nila Steve. Ayan tuloy, wala kang maisip ngayon. At kanina, nahiya kang lumapit kay Sofia dahil naguguilty ka sa ginawa mo.

You even saw her na parang may hinihintay or may hinahanap na tao kanina dahil palinga-linga sya pero dahil you're such a coward, ayun, tinaguan mo lang sya.

1 hour left, Yana. Concentrate. Think. Close your eyes and think about Sofia.

Bahala na nga. Bahala na si Batman.

I don't know what to write

Because I'm not really sure about my life

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this

But for you, I'd do anything

I want you to know that you're like the sunrise

So pretty that I just want to look at you every f*cking time

I love your eyes because I feel like drowning whenever you're looking at me

I really want to know you well

So give me a chance

Open your heart

And let me show you

That I really like you

This is all I've got. I just hope that she'll read and appreciate this one. Eto na yon. I gave my best na.

"What's this?" yeah. Fortunately for me, my best friend will be the first one to read the crappy poem that I wrote for Sofia. Yay me!

I saw how Steve's smile turned into disgust while reading my poem.

"Did you write this one?" he asked me once he finished reading.

I just shrugged. I am not proud about this one.

"This is so gay." he muttered while still holding my poem.

"I am gay." I told him.

"You're bisexual, dude." he corrected.

"My sexuality is fluid. I'll like who I want to like. We can stop talking about labels now." I told him.

"So, is this for Sofia?" he asked. I nodded. "Well, this is new. And I'm kind of liking this dare. She's bringing the best out of you." he smiled genuinely.

"She's not. You're wrong." remember the first step, Yana. Denial.

"If that's what you want to believe."

"That is the truth." I countered.

"And you're doing this because of?"

"Your car."

He just nodded and gave the poem back to me. He looked straight into my eyes. And after some minutes, without a word, he walked away. What was that?

I immediately put my poem inside Sofi's locker. I really hope that she'll like it even if it's kind of crappy and everything.

Once I saw her approaching her locker, I hid behind some jock to gauge her reaction. I swallowed hard when I saw her reading my poem.

I smiled nung nakita kong itinago nya yung paper sa bag nya and hindi basta-basta lang tinapon. Thank God. Akala ko kasi, sa sobrang pangit nya, hindi nya magugustuhan at itatapon lang dun sa basurahan na malapit sa locker nya.

And parang gusto kong magtatalon when I saw her smiling while walking away from her locker. Ha! Another point for Yana Lopez.

Nagstay muna ako ng mga ilang minuto sa kinatatayuan ko dahil hindi ko rin maintindihan yung naging reaction ko.

Pakanta-kanta pa akong naglakad papunta sa locker ko dahil masyado akong nasayahan sa nangyari kanina. At least, worth it yung paghihirap kong mag-isip diba?

I scrunched my forehead when I saw that my locker's been opened. Who the hell will have the audacity to do that? Hindi ba nila ako kilala? Hindi ba nila alam kung ano yung pwede kong gawin sa kanila?

At mas lalong napakunot yung noo ko when I saw a note sa may ibabaw ng libro ko. At first, iniisip ko kung sino yung mag-iiwan ng note sa akin but I started grinning when I read what was written in the note.

"Sorry if I opened your locker, just returning the favor. Btw, thank you for the poem, I liked it. It's nice. I'm sorry about my attitude yesterday. I just, ugh-nevermind. And since it seems like you don't want to talk to me in person, I'll just give you my number. Here it is: 808-567-3455. You can talk to me if you want to. xoxo -Sofia.

See? You can't resist Yana Lopez' charm.

Konting panahon na lang, Lamborg. You're gonna be mine. Yay!