Falling for Her Shadows

CHAPTER 18

TUMUNOG ang bell sa itaas ng pinto ng coffee shop nang pumasok si Ashriel. The familiar scent of roasted beans and vanilla greeted him, warm and grounding — the kind of smell that usually made him forget about the noise of the outside world.

Agad na tumuon ang mata ni Ashriel sa counter. Inaasahan niyang makikita niya doon si Nylah pero wala ito doon. Hindi niya nakita ang dalaga.

Instead, he saw Evron sitting near the corner table, coloring in a coloring book, his legs swinging off the chair.

Si Rita ang nasa counter at ngumiti ito nang makita siyang lumapit.

“Good afternoon, sir,” Rita greeted cheerfully. “Coffee? The usual?” she asked. Nasabi na sa kaniya kung ano ang laging ino-order ni Ashriel Rios and she made a mental note of it.

Tumango naman si Ashriel. “Yeah. The usual,” he said, glancing once more toward the back. “Is Nylah around?” he asked. Si Nylah ang dahilan kung bakit siya nandito sa coffee shop.

Napansin ni Ashriel ang pag-alangan ni Rita bago ito sumagot. “Ah, umalis ho siya ng maaga. May… ah, aasikasuhin.”

“Aasikasuhin?” Ashriel tilted his head.

Habang hinihintay ang inoder niyang kape, tinignan niya si Evron. The kid was humming softly, oblivious, coloring a page filled with stars and little shapes that looked like lotus petals. May nakalagay rin na pastries sa harapan nito.

For some reason, while looking at Evron, Ashriel felt something stirring inside him. Napailing siya saka napangiti na lamang. Hindi niya alam pero sa tuwing nakikita niya ang bata, nakakaramdam siya ng hindi niya maipaliwanag na saya. Aside from Nylah, he was also looking forward to see Evron.

Napansin niya rin na kamukha ni Evron si Nylah, but his eyes and brows don’t look like his mother's. Maybe Evron got it from his father.

At the mention of Evron’s father, his mood became sour.

Nag-angat ang tingin ang bata at nang mapansin siya nito — “Tito Ash!” he called brightly, waving.

Ngumiti si Ashriel. His sour mood instantly melts away. “Hey, buddy.” He greeted. Nilapitan niya ang bata saka hinila ang upuan sa isang mesa at itinabi kay Evron. Pinagmasdan niya ang kinulayan nito. Hindi lagpas-lagpas ang pagkulay nito na para bang hindi ito tatlong taong gulang.

“You’re good,” he praised. “Where’s your Momma?”

Napakamot ng batok si Evron. “She’s busy po.”

“Busy,” Ashriel repeated softly. “She didn’t say where she was going?”

Bahagyang kumunot ang nuo ng bata habang inaalala kung ano ang sinabi ng ina nito. “Hmm… she said she’s be back before morning.”

Ashriel paused because he felt something about the phrasing. Before morning. It was such an odd thing to say. Most people say “before dinner” or “before nightfall”. But before morning sounded deliberate.

Ano naman kaya ang pinagkakaabalahan ng dalaga?

He brushed the thought aside and ruffled Evron’s hair lightly. Baka busy lang talaga si Nylah.

“Sir, your coffee.” Rita placed his cup on the counter.

Tumayo si Ashriel. Kinuha niya ang kape sa counter at bumalik sa tabi ni Evron.

Napatitig na lamang siya sa kape ng malasahan niya ito. The coffee seems to taste different. It doesn’t taste bland, almost the same as Nylah's, but he felt like something in the taste was missing. Marahil dahil siguro sa ibang tao ang nagtimpla.

Ashriel let out a small sigh and set down his cup. Natigilan siya bigla nang kumuha si Evron ng pastries saka inilapit sa bibig niya. He instinctively opened his mouth and accepted Evron’s pastry. The smile on Evron’s lips made him feel at ease.

“Gawa po ni Momma ‘yan,” sabi ni Evron saka nagsubo ng pastry.

Ngumiti si Ashriel. “Kaya pala.” Nginuya niya ito at nilunok bago nagsalita muli. “It tastes sweet.”

Tumango si Evron.

Ashriel stayed at the coffee shop, accompanying Evron.

But somewhere across the city, far from the warmth of the coffee shop, Nylah adjusted the scope of her rifle, her gloved hands steady against the cold metal.

While Ashriel sipped his coffee under the glow of streetlights, she was already in the shadows — the same woman he couldn’t stop thinking about, now preparing for a night he could never imagine she lived.

At sa paglabas ni Ashriel sa coffee shop, dumaan ang bala sa itaas patungo sa isang hotel na kung saan ay nagpasabog sa bungo ng isang serial killer.

Napatingin si Ashriel sa kaniyang itaas bago niya tinungo ang kotse. At nang makapasok siya sa kotse, nakatanggap siya ng tawag mula sa kaniyang ina. Natawa na lamang siya. Ilang araw rin na hindi nangulit ang kaniyang ina. Nagbakasyon kasi ang mga ito sa Cebu kaya malamang walang oras ang ina na tumawag sa kaniya upang mangulit.

“Mom?” he answered his mother’s call.

“Hi, my dear baby boy.”

Ashriel acted vomiting. “Mom, matanda na ako para tawagin niyong ganiyan. Nakakahiya kapag may ibang makarinig.”

Umikot ang mata ni Isabella na nasa kabilang linya. “I don’t care. At isa pa hindi ako titigil na tawagin kitang “baby boy” hangga’t wala kang asawa.”

Napailing na lamang si Ashriel.

“And speaking of asawa, kumusta kayo ni Nylah? How’s your date? Hindi ko pa siya natatawagan, eh.”

“Sinasabi ko na nga ba,” wika ni Ashriel sa mahinang boses. Tumikhim siya. “We’re good, Mom. I’m pursuing her.”

“Really?!” Isabella’s voice became excited.

“So, please, Mom, I’m begging you. Kung gusto niyo akong mag-asawa, hayaan niyo akong dumiskarte.” Ani Ashriel.

“Ayaw mong tulungan kita?” Isabella asked.

Ashriel rolled his eyes. “Mom, you will only scare her.”

Isabella chuckled. “Sige na nga. Ikaw na ang bahala. Oh, siya, sige. Tinatawag na ako ng Daddy mo.” Aniya saka bumulong. “May dinner date kaming dalawa.”

That made Ashriel smile. “Enjoy, Mom. Pasabi kay Dad.”

“Sure. Bye, son.”

“Bye, Mom.”

After the call ended, Ashriel let out a blissful sigh before starting the engine and driving away from the coffee shop.

LATER THAT NIGHT.

Biglang napabalikwas ng bangon si Ashriel. His breath was unsteady, and his shirt was clinging to his chest. Pinagpapawisan rin siya kahit pa naka-on ang air conditioned sa kaniyang kwarto. He pressed a hand to his temple, trying to remember. The dream was so vivid it almost felt real.

For a moment, he just sat there — half in the present, half caught in the echo of a nightmare that felt too real to ignore.

Muli na naman niyang napanaginipan ang nangyari ng gabing ‘yon. Matagal na niya itong hindi napanaginipan. Bakit parang bumabalik na naman?

Even though it had been years since it happened, he could still remember it. The scent of wine inside the room. He remembered the warmth of someone’s breath against his ear and the way the woman’s hand touched him back.

Hindi niya makita ang mukha nito dahil madilim ang kwarto. Only the silhouette of a woman with hair that brushed his skin like silk, and the outline of her lips as she whispered something he couldn’t quite hear.

That night, it wasn’t passion — not entirely.

Hanggang ngayon hindi niya makalimutan ang gabing ‘yon. He could still feel the weight of intoxication blurring everything. Lasing siya, pero sa panaginip niya, there was something else in the air that wasn’t alcohol. The scent of that woman was laced with alcohol and something else. And the way she touched him, it was rawer and rough, like she wasn’t controlling herself.

Naipikit na lamang ni Ashriel ang mata.

At sa tuwing bumabalik ang panaginip na ‘yon, nanatiling nakatago ang mukha ng babae sa dilim ng silid.

Naisuklay na lamang ni Ashriel ang daliri sa kaniyang buhok.

He remembered the guilt that followed when he woke up alone the next morning, her perfume still clinging to his sheets, and the stain of the blood on the sheet.

Sinubukan niyang kalimutan ang nangyari. To convince himself, it was just a drunken mistake. But the unease never left. It clung to him like a shadow that refused to fade. Because of his guilt, and after that night, he never touched another woman.

Not out of choice but out of fear. Fear of losing control again. Fear of crossing a line he could never uncross. He became cold, distant, especially to women, not because he didn’t feel, but because he felt too much.

Hanggang sa nakilala niya si Nylah. He began to feel that strange pull again. Naiintindihan naman niya ang gusto ng katawan niya. But he couldn’t understand why. Or maybe because he knew to himself that he liked Nylah. That’s why his body started to feel different again towards women—only to Nylah, though.

Pero ang hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit muli na naman niyang napanaginipan ang bangungot na ‘yon?

Alam niyang nasaktan niya ang babaeng ‘yon. He was guilty.

“But why now?” he asked himself in a low voice. Kung kailan nakilala na niya si Nylah.

Does his own conscience not really let him off?

What happened that night, he never told anyone, even his parents.

Malalim na napabuntong hininga si Ashriel saka ibinagsak na lamang ang katawan sa kama. Tumitig siya sa kisame at ipinikit ang mata.

“Nylah, will you hate me if you learn about my past?”

Ashriel hopes Nylah won't. Dahil alam niyang mas malalim pa sa pagkagusto ang nararamdaman niya para rito.