Lavender

Chapter 7 - Reason

LAVENDER'S POV

Hourly wage of one hundred dollars. Like what Larry Jones said, if I attended to his friend's sister for ten hours a day, it would already give me an excellent amount of money, the reason I'm really excited for the interview today even if the amount for the service I'm in is a bit confusing.

Only people living their lives having billions of money can offer an hourly wage like what Larry Jones has disclosed to me. But even if my wage amount was confusing. I'm really excited. I even woke up early, like three in the morning, just to do nothing, only feeling excited while staring at nothingness.

"Wow, someone is in a good mood today," said that who suddenly appeared beside me, sitting in the rocking chair near the wooden swing I'm sitting at.

I'm on the front porch. Not doing anything, only spacing out after waking up so early. I decided it's best to space out here as our front house's view was pretty relaxing. Our farmhouse-style home faces the St. Johns River, not really far from it, and near the river, the trees of Cypress are standing solid and colorful.

For me, Dad made an excellent decision to buy this house even if the area was known for a stench of danger because of the predator animals also living along the river. The place was still relaxing for me, even if the river is swarming with alligators.

It has been seven years since we moved out of our past house to here in DeBary, Florida. Eventually, after Mom left Dad devastated, Dad stayed strong. We both talked after Mom left and decided that we needed to find a new place. After all, I understand that Dad will be tortured if we stay at the house where Dad's memory for Mom is still lingering.

It also gives me the pain of seeing Mom choosing another guy, not Dad, but Mom is Mom. She's a b***h and gold-digger. For many years living together, she only made Dad a fool while she could not even treat me right just because Dad accidentally got her pregnant. Since I had the mind to observe everything in our home, I already noticed how Mom is only making Dad a fool. Ordering him this and that, not even seeing a little sweetness towards Dad who's providing us anything.

I already noticed how Mom is cold towards Dad, but I never said anything as I'm also afraid. But now that I'm twenty-eight, I still want to question Mom. Of why she left us and chose another guy for happiness that is unessential. I still want to ask her, be angry at her, let out any hate I've been harboring for so long since I've realized that there's no love in Mom's eyes whenever she looks at Dad or me.

"Are you okay?" Dad's words pull me out of my reverie before brushing my face with my palm and sighs.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I answered.

The breeze from the river was cold but relaxing. It's making me sleepy, but I have to be ready at five, so I'm stopping myself from feeling sleepy and just continue to chill a bit as I watch the trees starting to get more colors as the sun rises from the east.

"Hmm, I know if you're okay or not, Lavender. You just can't lie to your Dad, and you're a bad liar," he said. That made me chuckle a bit as I put up both feet in the wooden swing and hugged both of my knees.

"Oh, Dad. You won't like what I'm thinking," I said that made him laugh.

"Oh, I will not really like it if's a boy---"

"Dad!" I said, quickly annoyed.

"...or a girl..." he said, which made me let out a breath while looking at him with a serious face. Dad just shrugs. "What? You are already twenty-eight, Lavender. Enough to get married or find someone to love."

Confused, I turned my head at Dad and looked at him with a bewildered face. "I thought you were going to be angry if it was a boy or girl, I'm thinking?"

"I will. Really," Dad said with a funny, faking serious face. "I'm going to be furious if the man you met has a boy's mind or if it's a woman who has a girl's mind."

"Hmm..." I nodded as I understood what he said. "But Dad..."

"Yes?" he said before sipping a coffee from the mug he was holding.

"I think I'm still not ready, Dad. You know, relationship." The idea of being in a relationship really freaks me out. After witnessing Mom leaving us for another man, I keep preventing myself from falling in love. Even if there's a small number of persons I've been attracted to, I keep breaking myself from any connection I had with them.

"Well, I think, understand where this fear is coming from," he said and smiled to view in front of us. "You watch your left us for some other man, after all. But Lavender..." Dad looks at me while he has this pure, bright smile plastered on his face. He seems like the man, far from the man I've witnessed cried many times before.

"Keep these in mind that not everyone is like your Mom. Even if she made a big mistake, to me, you, in our marriage, not everyone is like her. You are afraid of being left by someone you love, but you see, Lavender. I once made your Mom fall in love with me. She's the sweet and brightest woman I have never met," Dad said that made me snicker.

"Probably because you have money back then," I said with thick sarcasm that only made Dad sigh.

"Don't think about your Mom that way, Lavender. She really is the best woman I've met back then, Lavender," Dad said before glancing at me and smiling. "That's why we have you, a beautiful girl..."

"Dad, stop it," I said, half-chuckling and feeling embarrassed.

I really can't just believe Dad whenever he's praising me. Maybe, because he only started being a sweet Dad after Mom left though I understand him. Dad's attention was more focused on Mom back then.

"What?" Dad said with a face that his stating a fact. "You have the face, Lavender. You should actually flaunt it instead of hiding it behind these..." Dad pointed his finger at my pajama that is large, big enough for me to wear. "... baggy clothes."

"Dad!"I said, stopping Dad from scrutinizing my style. "These baggy clothes have been the only clothes I'm wearing since I was nine."

"Also, the main reason why you should change after you have announced that you got yourself an interview. The employer might not hire you if they saw you in your comfortable clothes. Try having a little bit of taste in fashion, My Princess," Dad said as if he knew anything about fashion.

All Dad's wearings are pair of polo and pants that are all faded and not stylish like what's he's suggesting me to do. I blow a breath before training my gaze in the St. Johns River.

"Why are we even talking about changing? You said Mom was the sweetest girl you have met, then why did she change, Dad?" I asked as I hugged both of my knees again.

Feeling the sadness flow in me, I hugged both of my knees as the cold breeze brought by the river touched my skin. I admit I missed Mom and her threatening remarks, but I don't know if I can easily forgive her after what she did to Dad. I was in my last year of being a junior when Mom started having problems with Dad. I always hear Mom shout, angry at Dad as if Dad has never been the best husband he can be to her. I keep hearing their fights, even if it's early in the morning or by the time where everyone sleeps peacefully at night.

They kept fighting over and over, and I couldn't understand. I don't know what they are fighting over as they have been really discreet of hiding what they have been fighting over back then. Until one day, Mom got home. Dad wasn't home that time as he said that he needed to go somewhere else.

She was soaking wet because it was raining hard that night. I watched her walk pass through me as if I did not exist in her life. I keep calling her back then. Fear was slowly eating my being back then. I don't know why I felt scared that night, but as I watched my Mom rummaging things in their bedroom, I felt like a part of me was being ripped, especially when Mom took out her suitcase and started putting in her clothes.

I just stared at her that rainy night, stunned and numb, near the door of Mom and Dad's bedroom as I watched my mother leave our house, not even giving a last glance before she walked out of the house. That night was like, the very first time that someone broke my heart. It was Mom who broke my heart for the first time. And there's no other pain that I can compare to it as that lingering, shattering pain became a part of me that harrowing night.

My hate towards Mom started harboring, and it became one of the reasons I trained and studied hard just to get enough credentials. I want to give Dad everything once I start working and let Mom see what she lost from being a b***h and unloving Mom. I want her to regret leaving Dad and me. I want her to realize how painful the pain she had bestowed in my heart was.

"Your Mom left because I'm also at fault too, Lavender," Dad said in a low and soft tone. I've never heard from him.

What Dad said shocked me. I looked at him with confusion as I put down both of my feet on the porch's floor. "H-how come your at fault, Dad? It was all Mom's doing, right?"

Dad sighs. He shook his head before looking at the river with a solemn expression. "Your Mom left because the woman I also impregnated before me, and your Mom even got married, came back. Needing help with your eldest brother's hospital bills."

"W-what?" I said, stuttering. "W-who? Where..." I can't even say any words just to ask for more. All I know is that I feel like I just had a fall from a high building. "D-dad? Does this mean I have a brother?"

Dad nodded as an answer before glancing back at me. "Hansel. That's your old brother's name. If you are twenty-eight right now, Hansel's probably in thirty right now. Happy without seeing me and knowing that his father is alive."

No s**t. "Why did you ever decide not to let him know you, Dad. He has the right. He has every right," I said, but Dad only answered me with a smile.

"That's the thing, Lavender. Your mother doesn't want Hansel to have the right. And your mother didn't leave me because of money. She left because she had enough," Dad said before taking his mug of coffee and sips.

"Th-that's it? She left us just because you supported my half-brother? B-but she had another man, right? You said to me that Mom that night goes along with a man. " I said with disbelief.

"Yeah, she's with someone. Orlando, perhaps? But your mother just had enough. I believe she'll come back. When you were just nineteen, the last thing I heard was that your Mom was in Arizona. She really did meet another man, but I believe that she hasn't replaced me in her heart," Dad said. That made me roll my eyes at him.

"Dad, how can you put so much trust in someone who just left you because of my half-brother? Who just goes along with a man like she's not in marriage at all? It's been nine years, Dad. Nine years and your still hoping that Mom will come back! Are you in your right mind?"

Dad smiles at me before answering my question. "Just like how I trusted you on passing your exam or just like love..." Dad stood up. "... there's no reason at all," he said before sipping his coffee.