Forgiveness For My Dark Angel: Angels of the Apocalypse # 2

3: Might Be Equally Dangerous

Our colony’s foodstores dwindled quickly as the weather got colder. Starvation was always a threat since the Demons took over, but I think for many of us, this was the first time we’d ever faced the very real possibility head on.

Foragers and hunters went further and further out. Our traders prepared for longer journeys before the snows hit. The young people started talking about moving on to a more prosperous colony, and the ‘elders’ held almost daily meetings about whether we should be bracing for a Demon attack. Since it was common knowledge the Demons like to go after the weakened colonies because they required less effort.

It was about that time that I started to wonder about Amy again. I hadn’t been out of the gates in a few weeks, instead spending my time stitching blankets and repairing winter clothes, since I was capable of wielding a needle semi-decently. My fingers had redeveloped the callouses on my thumb, index and middle finger, and as I stood at the fence looking out, I rubbed the rough patches across my fingertips in an unconscious habit I’d developed in my embroidery days. Back when I was a kid and had learned how to sew from a book because it was fun. Who knew I’d need that skill now. I sighed.

“Going out?” A guardsman asked as the shift changed. “If you’re going to go, you’d better hurry. You only have a few hours until sunset, and all of the closest places have been picked clean of forage.” He gripped the gate above the heavy bar embedded in the ground holding it closed. It wasn’t the only security feature, but was currently the only one engaged.

“I uh..” I started to shake my head no, but a pale flash of color in the treeline caught my attention. I stared hard at the spot, waiting, and then turned back to the guard. “You know what? I think I will go out for a bit, thanks.” I told him.

“No problem.” He shrugged. “Hey Roy! Get your fat ass over here and help me get this bolt outta the ground you useless slug!” He yelled. I cringed, and then a huge bear of a man lumbered over, who could probably pound both the guard and I into the ground with one hand. He grinned and reached for the bent end of the bar.

“Aw, such a shame you’re so weak. I can do this with one hand, Jay. Look at you. No muscles. Weak as a baby.” ‘Roy’ made a mocking sad face at ‘Jay’, which, had I been asked, did not look weak as a baby, as he yanked the bar up out of its embedded slot so Jay could open the gate.

“Um thanks, Roy, Jay.” I mumbled and Roy rubbed the back of his head.

“Aw I see what it is now Jay. You were flirting with the pretty girl!” Roy teased. I booked it out of there as quickly as possible.

To my surprise, I nearly ran face-first into Amy. Again. He gripped my shoulders tightly, growling back at the gate, which was still within view.

“What are you doing?” I hissed, shoving at his chest. “They’ll see you!” Amy blinked and looked down at me.

“You mean you'd care?” He asked with surprise. I took the opportunity to shove him harder.

“Of. course. I. care!” I shoved him while saying each word for emphasis. I don’t want ANYONE hurt. Especially you.” Panting, I looked over my shoulder to see if we were out of sight of the gates. “What’s your problem anyway?” I demanded, crossing my arms. Amy looked off toward the colony.

“They upset you.” He ground out, and I had to take a moment or two to mentally review.

“I don’t think..” I began

“You smelled distressed. Upset. Your heartrate and breathing were up and you practically ran from those two men. What did they say? I swear if they did anything to you, I’ll-” Amy’s jaw was clenched as he spoke, but I cut in.

“Do nothing. You’ll do nothing.” I brushed past him and continued walking into the trees. “If it’s taboo for you to love, I should think fighting humans should be on that list as well.” I waved a hand flippantly, trying to act as though the words didn’t harm me, but they tore at my heart as they tore their way from my mouth. Amy caught my hand, stopping me.

“I am sorry for causing you so much pain. Perhaps it would be better if I kept my distance, but I just.. I can’t.” His words were mournful, and I tugged my hand free, refusing to look at him.

“No matter. Our colony will probably have starved out by spring anyway. Or be taken out by Demons.” I snarked. Amy spun me around to search my face.

“You are thinner. I thought so, but I didn’t want to upset you again by commenting on it if it were a personal choice. Why didn’t you tell me your colony was struggling? I could have helped!” Amy ran his hands into his hair and gripped the hair by his temples.

“It’s not your responsibility.” I remarked, watching him carefully. He looked at me, eyes wide.

“Not my respnsi… Laurel, I think I’ve made it pretty clear that you’re mine, and by extension the people of that colony are mine too.” Amy reached for my upper arms, but I backed away and crossed my arms over my chest.

“So you want to possess me, but can’t love me?” I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice, mask it all in the anger I was feeling. “You can own me like a slave, but to care for me would be some terrible sin!” I threw my hands in the air, looking skyward, but a groan and a thump distracted me. I turned back to see Amy on his knees, clutching his head in front of me.

“You don’t understand!” He said desperately. “I’m trying so hard.. It’s not that I can’t love you, it’s that I do and it’s wrong!” His words were almost a wail towards the end. I backed off, tears in my eyes, determined to return to the colony and forget about Amy, Demons, the whole bunch of them. But I got turned around, my teary eyes blinding me. Way too quickly, I had tripped and fallen, and Amy had caught up. He scooped me off the ground and onto his lap. “You don’t understand.” He murmured against my temple over and over again as I cried helplessly.

“Well then explain it to me.” I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. My tears choked my voice.

When I could concentrate on my surroundings again, I noticed we were moving. Amy still had me in his arms, but was walking at a steady clip through the trees.

“Where are we going?” I asked, rubbing my swollen eyelids, trying desperately to see more clearly around me.

“Home.” Amy replied, and then clarified “My home.” His voice was gruff and unyielding. I bucked in his arms.

“No! I have to go back to the colony! I was supposed to be back by nightfall! I still have chores to do!” I squirmed harder, trying to free myself.

“Look around you Laurel, it’s gotten dark already. Besides, I’ve already carried you quite a distance from that place.” Amy stated harshly, then muttered under his breath “And beyond that, this is the only way I can keep you safe.”

“I don’t want to go, do you hear me? Put me down!” I reached up without thought and slapped him across his beautiful face. Both of us froze as his long hair blew across his face and resettled. The eyes that met mine after the shimmering curtain of hair cleared were no longer human.

Solid black all the way across. Sclera, iris and pupils. They looked like empty chasms, and I immediately curled my fingers in and tucked my hand against my chest.

“I..I’m sorry.” I stammered, but then instantly got hot again about the fact that he had basically kidnapped me. “But you should have put me down!” I blurted. Amy’s eyes finally left mine, still black, still empty. He began walking again.

“I suppose I deserved that.” His voice was almost a growl as he said the words. I crossed my arms.

“Yes, you did. Here you are, telling me you should stay away, that loving me is impossible, despite the fact that you already do, apparently. And now you’re carting me off to your house instead of leaving me with my people. I wish..” I sniffed. “I wish if you were going to leave, you’d just do it and leave me alone so I could move on.” I barely held back a sob, but Amy met my gaze again, his expression sad.

“You don’t mean that..” He murmured.

“Y-yes I do.” I argued pettily, pouting. Then Amy violated slapping distance again by placing his lips on my forehead in a gentle kiss. Almost my entire body lit up, warmth running through me swiftly.

“Then I’ll make you a promise.” He whispered against my skin. It felt like fire had found its way underneath my flesh and was easing its way into my blood. “If you spend tonight sae, with me, I’ll return you to the colony tomorrow and never bother you again. If that’s still your wish.”

“Fine.” I pouted, settling my arms tighter across my chest. Did I really want him to disappear? Probably not. I did love him after all, even if he hurt me by the things he said and by not explaining everything properly. An idea occurred to me then, and I looked up at him from under my lashes. “But I expect one thing in return. You have to explain why you can’t love me.” I stated, holding up a finger. Amy’s pace faltered and as he looked at me, the dark coloring in his eyes faded, and the brilliant glowing blue-green returned.

“I suppose that’s fair.” He murmured, and I grinned triumphantly, but his expression was so very sad that the smile faltered and quickly fell away.

“Amy?” I questioned, but he tore his gaze from mine.

“How much do you know about us? Our kind and where we come from?” Amy asked, not looking at me. He strode up an empty lane lined with evergreen shrubs that stood no more than shin-high.

“I’ve read most of the bible.” I shrugged “But I’m sure it’s like any other biography or historical text. There are inaccuracies and plenty not said.” Amy’s attention snapped back to me.

“You are strange.” He commented.

“Excuse you.” I retorted and nearly gasped in shock as a cute little vine-covered cottage came into view. Even in fall with the vines quickly fading away, their bare stalks clinging desperately to the warmth of the home and what leaves they could maintain, I could imagine this place in summer, and I was enchanted. “Oh. It's like a storybook cottage.” I breathed and Amy snorted.

“Word to the wise: Don’t try nibbling on that house, it’s not made of sweets.” Amy passed through a series of ornamental trees and a well-landscaped garden, now flowering in Autumn colors. My mouth fell open as I looked around at the meandering foot path that led through the trees and flowers.

“Looks like those gardening books were put to good use.” I muttered. Amy chuckled.

“You wouldn’t be wrong.” At the door, he set me down and looked at me seriously. “But back to what I was saying. You asked for an explanation.” He fidgeted for a moment, not quite meeting my gaze as he composed his thoughts.

“You see.. I’m more than just a Demon. I’m what they call a Fallen. Do you know what that means?” Amy peeked at me quickly, noticing my intent gaze before looking away again.

“You are an Angel. Or once were. But you were cast out for some reason. Usually for disobedience.” I offered softly. Amy cringed.

“That’s part of what being a Fallen is, yes. Some also choose to leave of their own free will.” Amy supplied. I tapped my chin, thinking.

“Oh yeah, I think I remember some Angels defected to follow Lucifer, is that what you mean?” I asked.

“Well not only that. Some had other reasons.” Amy elaborated. “My friend, the one I went to visit, Stolas, he left because he didn’t agree with Heaven’s policy to keep knowledge out of mankind’s hands. He teaches those that ask now. He’s especially knowledgeable about the stars.” Amy paused, gazing upward. It was my turn to fidget.

“Well, aren’t you going to ask me which kind I am?” Amy suddenly met my gaze, a powerful, piercing cast to his eyes that made him look like he was trying to examine my soul. I looked skyward for a moment as well before sluggishly bringing my attention back to him with a shrug.

“Nah. It’s not really any of my business. Besides, if you were a really bad guy, you would have killed me by now. Or worse.” I shrugged again. “Anyway, I’ve read my bible. Those rules can be pretty strict and unforgiving. Killing a man because he tried to prevent the ark from hitting the ground? Making children responsible for the sins of their ancestors, thus guilty or unclean at birth? Requiring sacrifices to keep those sins rolling forward?” I shuddered. “Could be considered barbaric.” Amy looked surprised, then stricken.

“Have a care how you speak of the beings of my Homeworld. Especially those in charge.” He turned to the door and unlocked it, then swung it open wide. “Besides, all of those examples were past centuries of dealing with humans, what you call ‘old testament’, when all kinds of us walked the earth. Good and evil.” He gestured for me to go inside, but I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Ok, but ‘new testament’ they sacrificed a person who commands disciples to ritualistically consume his flesh and blood on certain holy days, even if it’s just symbolic foods meant to represent said items.” I pointed out. Amy grimaced

“Touche, however that was a self-sacrifice to absolve humans of sin, and it’s difficult to explain how our society works to an outsider, but to us, energy exchanges involving body and soul are not uncommon and sometimes involve blood or other physical exchanges.” Amy shook his head. “We can debate the finer points later. First, please, be welcome.” With a grand bow, Amy ushered me inside and shut the door behind us, dropping a ring of keys into a bowl on a table beside the door.

“I must warn you. These are the keys for the entrances and exits here, but unless you know how to navigate the pocket dimensions, it’s best you don’t try to open them without me. Not all of the grounds come with me when I seal us away, so never wander beyond view of the house, if you do exit the building.” He walked past me, his hair obscuring his face.

“Oh and for the record.. I was exiled as punishment. I’ve been serving my time until I can reenter the Homeworld. It's already been nearly two millennia and my sentence is almost over. I just want to go home.” His voice grew quiet and I could hear the heartbreak within it. I reached for him, but he moved away before I could touch him.

So that was why he was so adamant about not breaking any more rules. Imagine facing down the end of your prison term and having someone come along who tries to drag you into more trouble. But still..

“Angels can’t.. Love humans?” I asked, following Amy as he turned on lamps at the ends of a soft looking sofa. He stared at the fireplace across the room.

“Angels can’t love.. At all. Except for their creator. Or at least, that’s the story. We’re soldiers, mindless drones. Workers. We’re not created to have any feelings but devotion to the one in charge. But we are forbidden from having relationships with humans, because some of our kind did once.. And monstrous creatures were born.” Amy shuffled something in his hand that I couldn’t see. “Creatures with the power to take down the Heavens. And destroy the Earth. And they almost did.” He shook himself almost visibly and turned to leave the room. A part of me recoiled, for so many reasons. I really couldn't help being attracted to Amy, in all ways, but did I want a monster child?

“Ok, so we don’t have s*x, is that what you’re saying?” I chased after him through another doorway into a long kitchen. Plants sprouted from pots along the windowsill and on the kitchen island and counters. The whole room was bright and airy, contrasting sharply with the dim and cozy living area we’d just come from.

“Woah..” I breathed.

“Would that really satisfy you?” Amy interrupted my thoughts, turning to face me in the process of watering some of the plants. “With the way it feels when we touch, and the drives and desires of a human being, not least of which is procreation.. Could you really stay by my side, never being touched by me, slowly aging, always longing, always wondering at every brush of our hands, every spark that jumped between our bare skin..” He slammed the small watering can down, shaking his head. “I couldn’t do it. The drive to Mark you to feed from you, it would inevitably lead me to wanting more, craving it, needing it.” My heart beat faster at his words, and as he spoke his voice dropped a register and he took a step forward, and then another. I was caught in the seductive way his body moved, the timbre of his voice, his words. To my embarrassment, it was turning me on.

“Even now, I can sense it. Your desire.” He stalked forward. “It matches my own. Feeds it. Fans it to life.” Amy slowly circled me and I swore I could have fainted. “If I were to but touch..” He reached out a hand, letting it hover just below my throat in the open ‘v’ of my jacket. It was suddenly too hot for that jacket, and I wished I could rip it off without looking foolish in the moment. Amy curled his fingers into his palm and turned away.

“What would you like to eat?” He murmured. The change in topics threw me and I lost track of our conversation.