White Roses, Black Doves

The love you want-4

Roman

we got the monster.

That’s something I've always heard her say everytime we catch one. It's her way of letting us all know that those people aren’t humans, they aren’t worth redemption. Her touch on my arm and the way her eyes meet mine as she told me WE got him, that’s all I could think about.

Even as I went to my room and barricaded myself inside she's all I thought of. She was what was on my mind. Her touch leaving a searing mark on my arm that I kept tracing over and over. I finally looked over at my clock on the wall and saw how late it was. I sat here for hours fantasizing about a woman that was right across the hall from me.

Fuck this, I opened the door to leave and I hear moans and the banging of a bed on the wall. At first I think it's Torans room and rage fills me, flashes of me licking the door off the hinges play on a reel in my mind.

Listening closer I can tell it's from up above and then I recognize those over the top fake moans, Violet and Derin.

I stand in front of Torans door and contemplate knocking. I turn away to leave but then turn back with little to no self control. I can do this, I need to f*****g do this. I knock on the door lightly. I hear shuffling and then she opens the door. I can't remember what I was going to say. the breath knocked out of my chest and my mind going blank. I had a whole speech, I think. f**k I don’t remember. All I can focus on is the fact that she is in her silk pajamas that I've caught the barest glimpses of here and there and no glasses. She is so f*****g gorgeous.

Her thick thighs make the burgundy shorts of her pajamas look like panties. I can see her n*****s peeking through the silk top and the perfect outline of her breast. Her curly thick hair down, making her look like a damn goddess. A goddess that I am not worthy of being in the presence of.

“Do you know where Rey put the cookies?” I ask. That is all that makes its way out of my dumb ass mouth.

She laughs and grabs her robe and glasses and shows me to the kitchen. I don’t even want the damn cookies. After she gets the cookies and milk that I don’t even want she goes to leave. I can't let her go yet so I react and grab her, probably a little too hard since she crashed right back into me, but I panicked and I needed her to stay.

“Stay” is all I can make out. f**k I need this to go better.

I'm frantic and my eyes are roaming over every part of her body looking for signs that she feels the same way. looking to see if she needs me the way that I need her. I pay attention to her breathing, her skin, her pulse in her neck. I watch her pupils and the way she bites her lip when she is nervous and doesn’t know what to say.

I started to pace, I'm pacing! Like a wild caged up animal. My palms are sweating and when I actually register im pacing in front of her and looking like a mad man, Toran asks me if I'm ok.

No im not f*****g ok, I feel like a ticking time bomb and you are the only thing on this planet that can fix this waking hell I am in!

“No.” That's all I can say, that’s it. She gets on the counter top and sits there cross legged and I can see her thighs. Her skin is making me feral and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. She's talking and I'm registering what she is saying but all i can think about is how perfect she is. I leaned against the counter trying to let the coldness from the counter cool the burn raging inside of me but then I snap. I can't be this far away from her. I have to touch her and feel her in my hands.

One thing led to another and here we are tangled together in bed. My hands all over her, her hair splayed on my pillows, her scent enveloping me. She said she was real, but I could have been dreaming all that too. I lay in bed awake all night while she sleeps on my chest in fear that it is all a dream and when I wake she won't be here. I eventually slip off to sleep but when I jolt back awake some time later, I look at the clock on the bedside table and it says nine in the morning.

I look over and there is no one beside me in the bed. I lay back down and place the heel of my palms into my eyes, there is no way I dreamt all of that. It felt so real, I had her, I had her all to myself for one night and it wasn’t even f*****g real.

The bathroom door in my room opens and she steps out, shutting the light off behind her and coming back to bed. As soon as she lays down I wrap her up in my arms, her back to my chest and my face in her neck inhaling her scent.

“I thought you left.” I said to her with more gravel to my tone that I meant but f**k I was about to admit myself to a crazy house.

She laughs lightly, still tired “I just had to pee”.

“I actually thought I dreamed up the whole night.” I say to her in honesty I don’t want to lie to her. I could kill someone with my own two hands and not blink but for her I can't seem to string two damn sentences together.

“why would you think you dreamed it all up?” she asked me, turning her head and looking at me over her shoulder.

“Well it wouldn’t be the first time I had a dream of you in here with me, or holding your hand, or of you in general. It's actually a regular occurrence in my head. That’s another reason I don’t let anyone in here. I don’t want anyone to taint the one place that I could be alone and In my own head with you. Where everything wasn’t so f****d up.” I tell her. Feeling vulnerable saying all this out loud to her.

“I have the same dreams. I just never thought you gave me much thought. We never talked, you never took a second glance at me, you never gave me even the slightest clue you felt this way.” She said.

“ I know” I kiss her neck and inhale her scent “I did that on purpose but I did it for both of us because of the s**t Violet is always doing. Trust me though I looked, I looked all the time. Anytime I stepped into a room my eyes searched for you first and stayed on you as much as I could without you noticing. I just can't anymore. I can't do it. When we walk out this door today sometime, it'll be you and me. Us against the world baby, are you ok with that?” he ask

“As long as you keep your promise, i'm ok with anything.” she tells me and I know she is talking about the promise she made me make her last night. She has no idea how I am going to worship her.

As we lay there together my mind plays out all the scenarios of what could happen when we leave this room and I am one hundred percent certain that we can make it through it all. What I am not certain of is if she tries to leave me on her own, how can I make her stay with me. Then my f****d up brain gets to thinking in hyperspeed of all the f****d up ways I can make her stay with me.

“I don’t think you understand how obsessed I am with you.” I whisper into her neck “you will one day baby, I'll worship you.” I whisper

There is one way I know I can get her to stay. One f****d up way but in the end we will both be happy and she will never know what I did.

I get up quietly and go to the bathroom. I open the drawer with the condoms inside of it and take the needle from the small emergency sewing kit that is in there and start stabbing holes in every single condom I see. Just the mental image of her being pregnant, pregnant with my baby sends a chill down my spine and my length thickens with a new need.

I plan on using every single one of these on her and I need every chance I can get. As far as I know she isn’t on any contraception. She's never even had s*x, how she went this long with no s*x is beyond me but this just secures the fact that she was made for me, I will be the only one inside of her. I will be the only one to ever leave a piece of himself in her. f**k, that does something to me. I think I want six. Yeah, six kids sounds nice. I can def get her pregnant six times that won't be a problem.

I also need to put a camera in her room and a tracking device on her car and her phone. I'll buy her something pretty too, like a wedding ring. f**k, I sound crazy, ok ill wait on the ring. I’ll get her a necklace. A necklace that has a chip in it. I can track her that way and she will still get something nice. I’ll place an order when we get up and no one will notice if I slip out to get it.

Thoughts race through my head. Back and forth, back and forth, thoughts of her leaving, thoughts of the way that we will be confronted. Thoughts of the way Violet will react. I don’t care but I don’t want her reckless nature to make Toran feel like it's on her hands. If she makes Toran feel that way, I might just kill her myself and say good riddance. She's no use here with us and Derin can go with her too, Toran and I are as fast and smart enough for a team of twenty hackers.

She can't leave me. Now that I have her there is no f*****g way I can ever be satisfied knowing she exist in this world and she isn’t mine. I can't turn back around and ever let violet anywhere near me. My skin crawls at the fact.