To Endure A Little More

TWENTY THREE

**Aelia's Point Of View*

Think. Think. Fine, pause!

Breathe.

Faster than the incongruous yet soft but stupid Japanese rock n roll beating through the full-throated Bowers & Wilkins speakers in the coffee shop that the owner could afford surprisingly, was my heart beating per minute. As the dawdling seconds flew by, more leisurely than the blonde head on the cashier leaving his spot empty, I grew more and more anxious and irritable. I needed out; of my mind that was suffocating me better than my stupid step brother did with his plastic bag... once upon a time. A story for another day.

My eyes stared at the people on the street, through the thick French glass of the coffee shop. Little did it distract me, rather I grew a little jealous; only to laugh at myself later. Was it because I perhaps didn't like how they were all living a better life? While here I sat, bluntly hoping to find a shutdown button for my mind. And I wouldn't judge, keeping the fact in mind that no one lives the perfect life which I assumed they were probably living for a second. But although, everyone has their flaws and problems, I was left with nothing.

Somebody once said: Just like our life, suited with the word temporary, nothing is permanent. Nothing stays the same. Change is the rule of life. Nothing stays static.

And I do believe nothing lasts or else my coffee wouldn't just end right now. 

But my question is, if nothing lasts forever and everything changes, why can't I stop feeling this way?

As if I'm the one guilty for hoping the people who left me would be the ones to stay. But then again, I too have left when I should've stayed. Even though, regardless, we all tend to leave when we know it has turned complicated to a point we can't bother fixing or simply fail fixing. Brief to the point of inhumanity, that's the Law of humans.

...or am I wrong? Maybe.

Or maybe the excess caffeine in my system is doing its magic and making me think too much again.

Being at this coffee shop was a usual thing, as well as hearing people talk behind my back. It's not intentional [for this to happen]; but it happens all the time. It isn't something I chose to be but a situation I ended up to be in. But I've learnt to accept and taking blame for being so-called rude has become a habit.

But tonight was different. After the party last night, all I was left with was my sentiments and mind that wouldn't agree to take a rest or break from thinking. I felt caught between Jeremy and Luan like it were metaphor to show me how I was trapped between the future and the past, unable to move on to the future because of my past. Everyone I have wanted to keep, I have lost instead. Almost everyone I have wanted for to stay, at some point have left me like their feelings were written with board markers that left with one slide of the eraser as if they never existed while no matter how much I tried to rub off my permanently signed feelings, it all went in vain. I wished my feelings too would leave me if my soul did not give in to death yet, at least. Everything is moving so fast and while life simply goes on , I'm trying to decide where to go from here.

But I tried to stay hopeful and hopelessly keep searching for hope because tonight was different. The shop was mostly empty and quiet unlike other days. Tomorrow was a holiday so most people seemed to head home straight, right after work was over, to wrap up presents that they'd drop behind their loved one's head during their sleep, pretending to be Santa. Christmas it was; an occasion I never felt to be special. Well maybe if for once I'd gotten to be with my parents on a cozy December evening and get to look up to the presents my parents would probably surprise me with, if that's what the trend is, I'd feel differently about this holiday. I am not complaining but I really wish the only different from usual thing happening in that specific day wouldn't be Netflix filling me up with recommendations of movies and making me watch the same old A Christmas Prince. Because when everyone else would be happy with their families, my parents would be busy working overseas since it was this time of the year that their business would run. And maybe this year too my mother was busy but this year not about crying over my late father that she's been doing for the past years; with Mr. Hadleigh whom she was planning to move on with. I was happy for her. I guess. Although somehow, I couldn't accept them just yet. Were I to blame though?

Anyways, I liked today and so I decided to no more think about thoughts that bring me worry and sorrow. It felt peaceful and calm, nothing had pissed me off yet. Not to mention the ear-splitting foreign dude's voice singing raucously through the speakers earlier; the song which probably earned permission to play from the blonde dude who never really sits on the counter unless his boss threatens to fire him. He probably needs the money although he shows no interest in the job. And his boss probably needs the right man to work on his stead, to stop wasting money on the poor lad.

The sound of a wind charm dragged my attention away. More like reminded me how I was rudely but shamelessly interfering in others business. Actually, I'd say I was rather considering working on his stead but like I guessed, he probably needs the money... more than I do. I don't think the money I'd earn by working at a coffee shop would help me buy a gift for my mother's remarriage event and get me to make an impression on father's replacement either. Neither would Mr. Hadleigh who i wasn't very fond of, be impressed by me working as a waitress to begin with. Although I could use my family's money but the least I could do as my mother's daughter is gift her something with my own money, if not be happy for her just yet.

I noticed the door to the shop open, letting in the cold night breeze along with a young man. What fascinated me was his clothing which made me observe him better. It was at least less than 3° C outside and this young man managed to survive longer than I probably wondered, wearing a thin t-shirt with small blue whale prints and shorts that ended right above his knees. Hands in pocket while he sucked on a lollipop. He had reading spectacles on his right chest pocket while sunglasses over his head, although it was like 9 pm in the night. Strange dude, I thought as I observed him walking closer to my table with his drink that I'm guessing is latte.

Moreover, who on earth has coffee after painting their tongue orange with a fruit flavored sour lollipop which I guessed he was having earlier for the wrapper of it was hanging around the stick of the lollipop.

Oh! Him.

Ouch, that was rude of you, Aelia. I should rather wonder why out of all the empty tables, he gave himself permission to sit with me. But the look on his eyes told me otherwise. Also his gestures. He looked like he knew me. A chuckle left his lips as he took a seat and caught me staring.

"You don't mind me sitting here, do you Miss Aelia?" he said before sipping into his coffee. He has a British accent I see, he doesn't look native to the British though...

Now that he was closer to me, I noticed he had beautiful greyish green eyes and a sharp jawline with broad shoulders, he was good looking I would say. Till I realized he was familiar too.

"How do you know m-"

"Edward Hilton, if you remember me." He spoke to clear my confusion, followed by an awkward smile. "I noticed you were here by yourself while walking past by so I decided to join you. Are you waiting for someone?" he kept talking while I just observed the moment carefully.

"Ah...you don't like talking much, I suppose." He says after receiving no reply from me as I was still processing. "Well, as you have not asked for me to go away so I'll stay until you do." he grins at me, while I bewilderedly just stared back at him. Interesting.

I watched him attentively, noticing his every move as he took off the sunglasses from his hand replaced it with his spectacles that were hanging on his chest pocket until now and he wears his glasses. His actions suddenly stopped and he took a sip from his latte, as he made eye contact with me, catching me staring. A smile made it's way up to his face and he pointed at my empty glass.

"May I get you another drink?" He asks politely, his expression innocent. He blinks at me hopefully with doe eyes but all I was doing in return is stare back, his eyes that were like a pool of green were ones that could have anybody drown. "Miss Dallarosa?"

"Yes?" I startle as he snaps me back to reality, my face immediately flushing a hue of red out of embarrassment; I question in him, hoping he would repeat for I could not catch his words earlier but he rather takes my word for a reply to his offer without bothering to ask me again, pulling a Jeremy Peterson on me as he gets up to go get me a drink.

I blink for a few moments as I try processing what had happened. By the time I figure how to respond, Edward returns with a cranberry slushy in his hands which I was guessing was for me. 

"Here, for my lady." He flashes a grin at me and I smile out a laugh at him.

"How very sweet of you. Thank you very much, Sir Hilton." I reply politely as my hand reaches out to take the glass holding the fresh drink in my hand.

"Call me Edward, love." Edward says as he takes hold of my very hand and places a sweet, feathery kiss on top like how a gentle would; albeit his outfit was only making him look funny to me. Or maybe again it was indeed just excess caffeine working in my system.