To Endure A Little More

NINE

*Aelia's Point Of View*

"Everyone, I hope you remember, tomorrow you will have to let me know what you will be performing for the contest, along with your partner's name if you're not doing solo. I will be waiting. For now, you're dismissed." The teacher finally ends the class, granting us freedom to spent the next few minutes however we like. The students rush out of the room to the canteen. I don't find much of an appetite and find no inspiration to walk myself to a place, crowded with over hundreds of people of the academy. I decided to rather roam around as I find spending time by myself to be a better option.

 I come to the rooftop to get some fresh air. A number of thoughts invade my mind as the winter wind caresses my face and relaxes my body but only for my thoughts to tense me up further.  I take a seat by the bench of the gardened terrace to sort my feelings out.

After everything that took place the night before; Jeremy, Luan and I have taken no consideration into giving each other a glance or have spoken whatsoever. A sudden bolt of awkwardness fell upon us when Jeremy had walked in on Luan and I having a s****l i*********e and then Luan rather flashing at his face about it. That being the case, I was not the least bit surprised because truth be told, I too would not talk to me anymore. I felt caught in a dilemma.

Before I could even emphasize on worrying about Jeremy's feelings which was filling me up with guilt, what ate up my head where my own. How could he so easily make me give into him and have me work against my conscience and give him the permission to take over me. What felt more wrong was the fact that there was no bit of me that I didn't enjoy because he was right, I craved him.

Before I realize, I'm already walking towards their hideout as I get lost further into my thoughts. The more I walk closer to the door of the room, the more I can smell smoke. 

"These guys might be again on cigarettes." I frown as my knuckles create noises of knocks on the door. A disappointment filled sigh leaves my lips. The same lips that enjoyed kissing Luan with all, greatest pleasures and had zero regret about breaking the promise I sealed with myself. Not to mention, I also cheated on Harvey by my actions which was, to speak truth, least of my concerns. 

I wonder if I did wrong when he cheated on me first. I think. Well, I don't have solid proof if he did cheat, moreover with who. Assumption won't cut it. Yes, I guess I did wrong.

Without screwing my mind further, I try knocking on the door again.

"It's me, Aelia." With my assurance, the door snaps open and a hand drags me in with full force before the door shuts close again to not let any smell leave the place because they knew how busted they could get for their illegal activities. On an equal footing, the risk of getting busted is what had them find it more fun to continue with their harmful addictions.

 I find Jeremy to be the one who pulled me in and the tension in the air rises for me.

"Oh... uh Jer, h-hi." I mentally slap myself for stuttering and making things look more awkward  than they were, to a further extent. Jeremy however seems to look much better than earlier and I guessed it was the trick of the cigarettes and throat burning liquor.

"Hey, what are you doing here." he casually asks, hands in the pocket of his leather jeans. Eyes baggy and face visibly swollen. Hair messy, voice raspy. To describe as, he lowkey looked good looking but he was probably feeling awful in actuality. My thoughts on his looks after I being the one to cause him to feel such way made me the awful one instead and I mentally slapped myself for the hundredth time in the hour again.

"Bored. I kind of missed this place." A throw quick response but my feet can't seem to move from their place and cause me to cuss on myself mentally.

"You? Miss this place? ...I thought you hated it." he chuckled with an expression of disbelief struck on his face like he is in a state of being stupefied.

"It's just been a long time since I have been in here so..." I chuckle, finding no reply to respond him with. A sigh escapes me. Silence falls on us but none of us move. "Pay no attention to me, I don't know why I'm here actually." I say in a low tone as I look around at the dammed, spray paint doodled walls of the small room that we have spent the last few years in as we all grew to who we are at present. Jeremy hums back to me with a straight face as he takes in another puff.

"Jeremy, listen." Pause. "I'm sorry."

"What for..." he says before taking a deeper suck at the butt of the cigarette and groaning for all the smoke that leaves him. He doesn't look at me and guilt takes over me.

"Look at me, Jun. I know I shouldn't have done that, not in your home, not on your bed, not when I know about your feelings for me." His face hardens and he smashes the cigarette with his feet to the ground. "I understand, Jeremy, it must've hurt you and I'm sorry."

"No, you don't. It's my luck that Luan accomplishes in everything I aim for, fault's mine that I'm a loser." He whispers to himself and my heart hurts for him. I wanted to prove his words word. He was worth so much. Anybody would say because it is a fact so visible. And he was so full of talent and light. He was anything but a loser and I hated myself more for making him feel such a way. And I wonder if he'd feel the same way if he knew what he was lucky for, things he has while Luan lost, what he faced; because the guiltiness in me was making me feel as if I was the one who was making him seem like a loser to himself in actuality. He takes a sip of the bitter alcohol and his eyes water up. There was pangs of bad conscience rushing through my veins in remorse as I realize how yet again I was considering Luan's situation and letting it affect me rather than Jeremy's or anybody else's. The latter has always done everything and prioritizing to take care of me. I wanted to find a way to help him but yet here I am, silent, unsure of what to do.

I immediately snatch the alcohol away from his hands. "Stop."

"You can do whatever you want, Aelia. Why should I be stopping you?" He says as e finally looks at me. "Speaking of... you to should just let me do whatever I am doing." He snatches the bottle back and walks away to a corner, leaving me alone with my guilt and remorseful regrets. I sit on a bundle of books tied together and bury my face into my palms.

Third Person POV

"How more heartless can you be, poor Harvey." The words slip out of Jeremy's mouth in a tone that spoke how drunk he was. A chuckle which sounded more like a mocking giggle leaves him and hits a nerve of Harvey. The younger couldn't help but take in another sip of the liquor and his eyes roll to the back of his head as he leans against the wall for support to catch himself from falling to his knees and look pathetic like the older.

"Can we leave the topic. I have buried it a long time ago..." the other says throwing his finished cigarette on the ground. Smashing it with his feet, he takes attempts to leave.

"Mm sure... fault's mine anyways. I was so damned to keep you off of her, Luan got on her instead." Jeremy's words hold Harvey back from leaving and the drunk realizes what he just spit out. It's only a few seconds till his drunkenness has him giggling to himself again with no botheration; giggles which soon turn to sobs.

"Luan...what?" Harvey asks with the brows of his piercing eyes raised. Jeremy smirks although it hurts him to acknowledge the fact. The empty bottle falls from the grip of his fingers and meets the ground, mimicking Jeremy's heart. Shattered. Broken into pieces.

"Pleased her in ways you never could and I never got a chance to." Hearing that Harvey rushes out, too fast to notice Jeremy who passes out and falls on the shards of glass as a few tears leave him.

Harvey's brows remain raised as he chews on his inner cheek and a smirk completing his look of a b***h. Luan's eyes meet his and the latter lets out a sigh of displeasure. The few girls who were surrounding the man in hopes of getting him to perform with them for the upcoming event, notice the entrance of Harvey and leave immediately, unknowingly granting Harvey the pleasure to get Luan alone and put the man on blame for his own actions.

"What the f**k did you do to Aelia?"

"Fuck." Luan spits out with sense of achievement lacing his voice, the pun angering Harvey even more with Luan was taking satisfaction in. A mocking laugh escapes the lips of the devil.

"You're suddenly curious about her? You know, considering how you were busy slipping your d**k inside my ex w***e of a girlfriend to get rid of your loneliness, you didn't notice your girlfriend was more lonely." Luan speaks casually, his structuring of language all over the place which causes him to receive a punch from Harvey for his choice of words that knocks him off the table he was sitting on.

"Stay the f**k away from what's mine!" Harvey says, pointing a finger at Luan. Scoffing, Luan gets a hold on the finger, twisting it slowly and painfully as Harvey yelps in pain.

"Point this bloody finger at me when you stop inserting it inside things that aren't yours." Luan says through gritted teeth, making Harvey gulp as he reaches down to his ear and whispers in a foxy, rusty voice without eye contact. "Although, I doubt if Aelia would need your crooked fingers anymore. Now that she has had a taste of me." With that, Luan knocks his head away from his face and walks off whistling.