Please Break My Heart

Chapter 14

A normal person just like herself did not deserve to hang out with the varsities, Ayanna knew that. But really, the varsities’ fans were all being annoying about it. And she still refused to tell anyone about it.

It still hurt her confidence, of course. She was a girl with a really low self-confidence and every word that they say destroy the little confidence she had inside of her. It was making her stomach churn in disgust—disgust of herself and disgust of others.

But as they say, life must go on. What would not kill you would make you stronger. So, as always, even if her period still sucked and even if she was feeling upset, Ayanna still turned up to her classes on Wednesday. Lake still did not fail to fetch her and to send her to class.

And during lunch, she met up with Maxim to talk about their project. The guy was talkative, she noticed as she sat across him in their college’s cafeteria. He had not stopped talking since they had sat down. Ayanna felt bad but she was actually not listening anymore. She just made it a habit to smile and nod when she was not actually listening.

“So, what did you think of our output?” Ayanna finally decided to ask. “Mine seems a little too depressing so I am thinking of a way to make it better.”

“No, no, what you did is just perfect,” Maxim said with a grin on his face. “You write really well. I think you should seriously be a writer.”

Ayanna gave him a sincere smile at that. “You think so?” she asked and he nodded. “That’s a relief! I was worried that I might be dragging down with me our project. Writing is my passion but apparently, I am not writing’s passion.” She heaved a sigh.

“Nah-uh, I don’t know who told you that you’re not a good writer but that person is wrong. You are an incredible writer, probably the best that I have ever known.”

“You flatter me,” Ayanna laughed. “But thank you, Maxim, you’re the best!” She gave him a grin and a thumbs up. Before she could speak more, her phone vibrated and she saw their class representative’s message. “Whoops, guess I will have no class anymore after this. My last two classes just cancelled. How about you?”

“W-well, I uh don’t have a class anymore too,” Maxim declared, his grin never leaving his face.

Ayanna smiled. “That’s great! That means we can go to the library together and look at more macabre poems examples.”

“Right. We can do that. Let’s go if you’re done eating?”

“Let’s go.”

Together, the two of them headed to the library. Maxim continued to talk about everything and anything. Ayanna, already getting used to it, stopped paying attention. Somehow, her head drifted to Lake—it was so sudden, so abrupt that she did not know the reason why. She wondered what he was doing. If he ate lunch or not; if he was alone or not. She shook her head, hoping that it would shake away the thoughts of Lake as well. She was being kind of weird.

“Are you okay? Why are you shaking your head so passionately?” Maxim worriedly asked. “Did I say something that offends you?”

Ayanna frowned. She had not realized that she was being strange. “No, just something’s in my mind.”

The two of them entered the library and they scanned the books. Ayanna’s eyes caught the book called Creepers, one of her favorite books. She let out a dreamy sigh, hoping to find time to re-read the book. Maxim, realizing how distracted Ayanna had become, tried to look at what she was looking at.

“Oh, Creepers! I like that book too,” he commented.

“Eh? How did you know I am looking at that book?” To say she was confused was an understatement.

“I can read minds,” Maxim joked.

Ayanna forced herself to chuckle. “No, seriously.”

“It’s because I saw your name written at the card of the book. You seem to have borrowed it quite a lot.”

“Why on Earth do you take note of the names who borrowed which book?” Ayanna found herself laughing softly.

“Not everyone’s names, just one name,” Maxim replied, winking.

The female grew confused. And awkward. She felt like because she had a boyfriend, she should not be entertaining Maxim’s advances—that was if he was making any advances at all. She gave him a forced smile nevertheless.

“Let’s just focus on our project,” she muttered, avoiding Maxim’s gaze.

*****

After doing their project, Ayanna and Maxim decided to grab some “dirty ice cream” or sorbetes. Dirty ice cream were the ice cream, usually in a cone, sold at the streets in the Philippines and Ayanna loved those so much. So when she mentioned it to Maxim, the boy insisted on buying one for her.

“Sorbetes is like the best type of ice cream,” Ayanna claimed as she licked her ice cream.

“I know,” Maxim breathed, l*****g his. “It’s best to get ice cream after stressing out because of class. Hey, we should do this again some other time.”

The female wanted to say yes but a part of her insisted on saying no. Although she could care less about it, she felt like she was betraying Lake if she were to agree. There was that faint feeling in her chest that pulled her back. Before she could even think of a polite answer, someone bumped into her. She faced that person and was about to apologize.

“Sor—Camille?” Ayanna’s words came out as a whisper. She felt her world shatter under her feet and she started feeling scared. The said woman, who she had not seen since high school, stood in front of her with a kind smile on her face. But Ayanna could not return that smile even if she tried. Her lips grew dry and her body was frozen. She was shaking but she was barely feeling anything. She thought she was going to die.

“Ayanna!” The stranger—Camille—greeted happily. Her eyes screamed nothing but happiness.

But all Ayanna could see were a mischievous pair of eyes.

“Ayanna, have you ever considered a nose job? Or how about a whole face reconstruction?”

“You look fat in that dress.”

“That color does not suit you.”

“It had been a while,” Camille added.

Ayanna forced herself to smile. “Yes… I didn’t know you’re here in Quezon City. I thought you’re still staying Laguna,” she commented, referring to their hometown.

“I just visited someone I know here. Anyway, it’s nice seeing you again. See you around.” Camille waved her hands and then walked away when Ayanna waved back.

The latter let out a shaky breath and she felt tears pooling her eyes. She knew she should not be as affected as she was but she could not help it. Her shaky hand dropped the ice cream. Feeling pathetic, she crouched down to retrieve her already inedible ice cream.

“Are you okay, Ayanna?” Maxim asked, crouching down beside Ayanna and helping her clean the mess she made. “You can tell me what’s wrong. We’re friends after all.”

Ayanna did not speak until they were both done and were both standing up straight again. “Promise to not laugh at me?”

“If it bothers you, it means it isn’t something I would be laughing at, right?”

The female appreciated the male’s kindness and offered him a small smile. “You see, she was my classmate during high school. I was close with my classmates so they found it hilarious to tease me all the time.” She paused, the feelings of being called names and being blatantly insulted were coming back to her. She felt the urge to throw up. She felt disgusted. “That’s why I have a really bad insecurity about my appearance.”

Maxim gritted his teeth which surprised the female, she had not seen Maxim angry before. “No one deserves to make you feel like that. And look at that girl living her life as if she had not scarred you enough.” He let out a sigh. “Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone make you feel that way anymore, okay? You can rely on me.”

“Thank you, Maxim, really.” Ayanna gave him a sincere smile. She just found herself a new friend. And that made her happy. Making friends was really a good thing.