Gone and Reborn

OWNING

Jo woke up from a dreamless night, feeling utterly happy. If what the old lady had told her was true and she could decide to love Saul just like that, it would definitely be a life changer.

Her eyes had opened and she now knew that Yes! She was going to love the hell out of that man with all her might!

But there was a little inconvenience: She had broken his heart and treated him like s**t, so there was some fixing she needed to do first.

She hopped on the plane and went back home, counting the seconds for it to land. When it finally did, Jo turned her airplane mode off, wondering if she should call Saul or just go to his place. Her thoughts interrupted when a load of messages started swamping her phone. It was Gus.

-Please Jo, call me- she read.

-Jo, give me a call when you get a chance.

-Jo, this is urgent.

-Turn your phone on please, this is important.

Jo´s face turned white as she rushed to call him immediately, her hands trembling while she stood up and tried to start exiting the plane along with hundreds of other passengers. The line ringing in her ear a couple times before being picked up.

-Thank god!- she heard him say- It´s Ally Jo, she had an accident. A drunk guy crashed his truck into her car and it was totaled…

Jo´s heart dropped to her feet, his voice suddenly fading away. A wave of flashbacks rolling through her head and making her dizzy.

“Not again!” “Please, not again!”

-Jo? Are you there?- Gus´s voice lured her back to reality with his concerned tone- Would you please stay the night with her in the hospital? They´re keeping her here until tomorrow.

She breathed out a relieved sigh and felt the color slowly creep back to her face.

-Where is she! Text me the hospital´s name!- she shouted into the speaker- I´m on my way!

It took some effort to refrain herself from punching all the people out of her way to get off the plane, but when she was finally able to exit the damn thing, she practically flew through the terminal and got herself into a cab, yelling at the driver the whole road to the hospital, urging him to hurry up.

By the time she barged into Ally´s room she found her bawling her eyes and breaking down about having a fight with Gus and screaming that he was going to dump her ass for good.

Jo snapped her out of her tantrum and finally got her to explain exactly what it was that had her so neurotic and she learnt that she had been nagging poor Gus all over about getting a job and comparing him to one of her douchebag ex-boyfriends, so naturally, she´d ended wearing him out.

When Ally was done pouring her soul out and calmed herself down a bit. Jo picked at her brain looking for something to say.

There they were, both f*****g up perfectly good relationships just because of their stupid fears. And boy, she could relate… So she decided to give her, and herself for good measure, a piece of her new enlightened mind.

-Well you did f**k up good, kiddo- she spoke with resolution, knowing the scolding applied to her also.

“And I f****d up good too, so now we´ll have to clean up our mess and there´s only one way out of it”.

-But stop beating yourself up and grow a pair of ovaries for f**k’s sake, Ally! Own your s**t and start doing something about it. He’s not gonna leave you, you i***t, he loves you. But you can be such a pain in the ass and you need to change that.

“So do I, and I swear I´m gonna make this right, whatever it takes. Because Saul loves me, even with all the tragedy and craziness I drag behind my back and that is praiseworthy, I would be a fool if I didn´t stick by this wonderful man”.

-I know I do – Ally sighed- I just don’t know where to start.

-Well, how about stopping it already with your stupid fear that he’s gonna turn into one of your exes and hurt you one day? He’s proven himself worthy over and over again so, what are you so afraid of?

“Oh god!” Jo winced in realization “I´m such a hypocrite” “Saul has proven it again and again as well, and yet here I stand in the same f****d up situation, because I let my stupid fears drag me down!” She sighed with determination “This f*****g ends today”.

-I don’t know- Ally tugged at a strand of hair – I guess sometimes he seems too good to be true and I’ve ended mostly sabotaging myself.

-There you go… - Jo sighed- Now, cut the crap. He IS that good! So you better just start f*****g accepting the wonderful gift you’ve been given and being grateful about it. Stop your bullshit or there is not gonna be a third chance, Ally!

“And neither is gonna be one for me if I don´t hurry up and do something about this, I need to start taking my own advice and grow a pair”

-I know!- Ally sobbed again, her hands trying to uselessly wipe the tears away -Thank you, Jo!- she cried- I needed that.

“Me too, you have no idea of how much, kiddo” she sighed, standing up and kissing her cheek

– Anytime, hun. Now, let me get a blanket, I told Gus I was staying the night.

She spent the evening tossing and turning while Ally slept peacefully by her side, fighting the urge to call Saul because she figured that this wasn´t something to be discussed over the phone, she needed to look at his face and apologize properly....Then pray that it would be enough to get him back.

Finally, she´d ended up dozing off and before she knew it, morning came and with that also the doctor, who gave his approval for Ally´s discharge.

A moment later Gus arrived bringing some clothes for Ally and they both helped her into the bathroom so she could change. The tension between them was palpable and permeated to Jo´s state of mind.

But Gus was still a gentleman and all he did was treat Ally like a f*****g china teacup. Carrying her up his van and buckling her up with so much care that made Jo´s eyes well up, thinking about her own knight in shiny armor, that she´d somehow managed to push so far away.

The ride home was awkward enough, silence lingering among them all. When he parked outside their place and helped Ally out of his van, Jo rushed to the door and opened it for them to enter. Watching both sit on the couch as she was dying to just jump into her van, speed all the way to Saul´s loft and see that face she missed so much at last.

-Ok guys, I’m going to Saul’s place- Jo breathed out after an awkward moment- I haven’t seen him since I came back. Will you two be alright?

Gus´s eyes darted to her face with interest and sparkled with a knowing look. A big, bright smile widening on his face.

Yeah Jo, we’ll be fine. Don’t worry- Gus replied, looking kindly at her- and… Thank you

-Anytime- she simply said, hurriedly grabbing her keys and making her way out as fast as she could- See you later!

She closed the door behind her and bolted for her van. Once inside she took a deep breath and fixed her hair on the rear mirror.

-Ok Jo, you got this girl- she whispered, starting the engine with a sigh and beginning to back out from her spot- Now it´s time you own your s**t too.