LUCIA The day has finally arrived , it is Joshua's birthday, and I must admit that I am not half as excited about it as I expected , I planned what I thought would be the surprise birthday party that would be perfect for him , the problem is that it is no longer a surprise. Joshua came up to me yesterday for the first time in days and told me that he already knew about the party , and that while he appreciated the effort I was making , he really would have preferred to spend the day alone with me. I was devastated , I felt like a complete i***t and wanted to throw everything to hell , but it is too late to cancel it , so I have to put on my big girl pants and deal with the situation in the best way that I can. I cannot waste all the effort that other people have made to