To Own the Billionaire

"Philippines!"   "Go, Philippines!"   "Philippines for the win!"   Dumadagundong ang awit na nagbibigay buhay sa bawat pagrampa ng lahat ng mga delagates. Dinig na dinig ko ang sigaw ng taong nanonood at sumusuporta sa akin.   Wala akong ginawa kundi ngumiti at enjoy-in ang moment ng pagiging isang tanyag na kumakatawan sa bansa ng Pilipinas. Kasabay nang dagundong ng musika ay ang pagkabog ng aking dibdib. Halo-halong emosyon—tuwa, kaba, at pagkagalak.   I walked smoothly, emphasizing the curves of my body being hugged by my evening gown. Humahapit sa kurba ng katawan ko habang ang laylayan nito ay nagsilbing asul at kumikintab na bulaklak na tila kabubuka pa lamang.   The image of the dress that I'm wearing made me more proud and confident. Ito na ang huli at nasisiguro kong magbibigay na ng katanungan matapos ito. I am nervous and at the same time—tired, but I'm more excited to know who will bring home the crown. It should be me, of course; I assured myself.   Sa lakas ng sigawan ng tao, hindi na namin malaman kung sino ang may pinakamalakas na cheer. Pinagtuunan na lamang namin ang pagiging kalmado upang hindi ma-mind block mamaya. I, together with Venezuela and France are smiling widely—not minding the nervousness that is trying to penetrate our system.   Dito sa stage, mararamdaman mo ang pagiging tense ng mga kalahok. Kaya naman nagagawa ko na kumalma sa isiping hindi lang ako ang kinakabahan.   "And for the most awaited moment—our final round, here comes the question for our top 3!"   Mula sa sigaw ay tila unti unting huminahon ang karamihan ng tao, naghihintay sa yugto ng patimpalak. I keep my not-so-wide smile so that I can be more pleasing on their eyes. Kahit pa ngawit na ngawit na ako sa kangingiti.   "We only have one question to you, ladies. The two of you will be wearing headphones while the other one is answering the questions. We will give you sixty seconds to answer it. Get ready, ladies," said Crimson, the emcee of this pageant.   Huminga ako ng malalim, trying to let go of some nervousness through breathing. Nagsimulang lagyan kami ng headphone, inaayos ng staff iyon habang si Venezuela ang unang tinawag.   Sa bawat segundo, dama ko ang kabog ng aking dibdib. Sa mga oras na 'to, hindi ko na alintana ang pagod, ang sakit ng paa at nerbyos. Inisip ko na lamang ang lahat ng pinagdaanan ko para lamang makaabot sa posisyong ito.   Miss Venezuela is smiling wide while walking to get back to where we are. I can see her supporters waving their country's flag. The emcee calls another name and I guess it is me since the staff walk towards me.   I smiled and wait for them to take off the headphone. I stay firm and walk elegantly. My lips stretched more to show my wide smile and my perfect teeth.   "Look how gorgeous Philippines is, huh?" Crimson teased me that made me laughed.   "So, Philippines, how are you? How are you feeling now that you have the position of top three finalists?" he bubbly asked.   I smiled and composed myself more to let them see how confident I am to stand on this stage.   "Well, I'm really happy and at the same time nervous. I never know what will happen after this but standing here makes me more certain that I am capable of bringing the crown to our country, Crimson." I answered.   "That's good to know. We are very excited to know the result."   "Are you ready, Philippines?" he asked the crowd. Our people went wild, their cheers; the flag is waving. I got more thrilled. I can't disappoint them, my parents and of course, my very own expectation. This is my dream and I am trying to live it.   "They are wild, huh?” Crimson commented.   “Okay, here's the question, Philippines." I smiled at him ensuring him to continue.   "If a crystal ball could tell you one thing about your future, what would you want to know?"   Unlike how boisterous they are earlier, the crowd went silent; waiting for me to give the answer. I collected myself.   ‘Relax…’ ako sa isip ko.   Huminga ako ng malalim at nilibot ang tingin sa auditorium bago sumagot nang may ngiti sa labi.   "If a crystal ball could tell me one thing about my future, I would like to know nothing.” The crowd awe after those words left my mouth. I chucled and continue.   “I will not ask anything about my future for I'd gladly anticipate for everything that is going to happen. I don't want to spoil myself knowing what will I become in the future might makes me dependent on it and stop me from striving… and that is the least thing I want right now. I always wanted to be a woman with passion and live the life I've been dreaming of. I cannot lose that passion—my desire to reach my dream just because I got the glimpse of my future and I am confident of it. I want my future to be a surprise—a present that will make me more stronger, confident, proud and happy of what I become. That’s all, thank you!"   Sumigabo ang malakas na palakpakan mula sa mga manonood matapos kong sagutin ang katanungan at nasundan iyon ng pagtunog ng bell tanda na tapos na ang sixty seconds. Walang pagsidlan ang kabog ng dibdib ko dahil sa saya sa nakikita. Dinig na dinig ang hiyaw ng aking mga kababayan. Hearing those cheers made me happier whatever happens because I knew right at this moment, I made them proud.   Sumunod agad sa akin ang France. Nagpatuloy sa pagtakbo ang oras. Later on, the organizers gave us a minute to relax on the contestant area. Naabutan ko ang iba pa na hawak na ang cellphone nila o 'di kaya'y kumakain o tahimik na nagpapahinga.   Pagod kong inalis ang Alexander McQueen stilletoe sa aking paa. Hinilot iyon at napangiwi sa sakit na nadama. This is one of the struggles of being a beauty queen. You must deal with high heels. Thank God, halos nasanay na ako. Hindi na ganoon kasakit tulad ng una kong gamit.   "Are you fine? Do you want water?" Krisa, my assistant asked. Tumango ako bilang tugon.   Hindi ako nakipag-usap kahit kanino. I just want to relax since sandali lang ang binigay sa aming oras at kapag narito kami sa contestant area, mararamdaman mo ang pagod. We have been into this journey for one month that is why all of us are tired.   "Lana, are you ready? It's about time."   Nagmulat ako ng mata at nakitang inaayos na ng make up artist ko ang mga gamit ko, tanda na tapos na siya sa pag-aayos sa akin. Tumango ako, dinampot muli ang stilletoe at isinuot.   Muli, tumayo ako ng tuwid at ngumiti. Ilang sandali pa nga ay tinawag na kami—Philippines, France and Venezuela.   Malamyos na awit ang nag-welcome sa amin. Dama na ang pagkagalak ng bawat isa na malaman ang resulta at alam kong maging kami ay ganoon ang nararamdaman.   "Are you ready, folks? Let's hear your cheer for our top three finalists!"   "Venezuela!" Muling nagkaingay dahil sa sigaw at palakpak ng kaniyang mga supporters.   "France!" France's people became wild.   "And the last but not the least... Philippines!"   Nag-uumapaw na saya ang naramdaman ko. Napakalaking karangalan na marinig ang pangalan ng bansang kinalakhan ko habang nakasabit sa akin ang sash. "Okay, what a wild crowd we got here," Crimson laughed after he said that.   "May we call Mr. Harrison to hand us the tally votes of this Miss International competition?" Crimson gestured the man in the front.   We keep on smiling, waiting for the right moment. I keep saying to myself that no matter what, I will accept it.   "As the year 2018 ends, we keep our tracked to her journey as Miss International 2018. Now, it's time for her final walk. Ladies and Gentlemen our Miss International 2018, De Lancé Lune."   We, together with crowd's people clapped our hands to welcome De Lancé for her final walk. Her final speech overcomes the noise that our hands made.   I can see the contentment on her eyes, the happiness and satisfaction. I always wanted to experience this way. Moment passed, De Lancé is done bidding goodbye to her title. The more we get near to the time, the more we are nervous.   The staff motioned us to step forward. The three of us walk, still composed.   "The time has finally come; we will now announce to you our new Miss International 2019."   My heart is like a bomb that will explode in any minute.   "Our Miss International first runner up is..." dumagundong ang speaker at nahigit ng mga tao ang kanilang hininga dahil sa antisipasyon.   "France!"   Hiyawan mula sa Venzuela at sa Pilipinas ang pinakamalakas. Kumabog ang dibdib ko at halos manghina sa kaba. Tinanggap ng France iyong bulalak na ibinigay sa kaniya. Ramdam ko ang pagkapit ni Miss Venezuela sa aking kamay. Sinuklian ko iyon ng mahigpit na hawak.   "The two remaining ladies, you may stand in the center stage."   Bawat hakbang ay puno ng kaba at intensidad. I looked at her eyes and face. Miss Venezuela is a beautiful and a smart woman. We became friends and I can tell that she is a strong woman and if ever she will get the title, I am sure she can handle it well.   "Congratulations for the both of us, Lana,” she said.   I laughed to ease the nervousness.   "Congratulations. I am very proud of us whatever happens. Whoever may inherit the title deserving of it," I said.   "Congratulations to this eighty six stunning and gorgeous ladies. Your country is very proud of you." Crowd's people clapped and cheered after Crimson said that.   Right at this moment, I feel like I am being suffocated. Nanginginig ang binti ko sa antisipasyon.   "Let's not waste our time, people. Let's introduce to the world our Miss International 2019 is…” muli ay umingay ang mga speaker habang ang mga nakapaligid sa amin ay abot-abot ang ngiti sa labi.   Nilingon kami ni Crimson at binigyan ng isang ngiti.   “Congratulations… Philippines!”    Para akong nabingi sa narinig. Venezuela hugged me and motion me to go forward. The judge stood and give me a round of applause while the Philippine’s crowd are about to die of happiness. Crimson escorted the Miss International 2018 towards me and  let De Lancé transfer the crown to me. I am in awe; shocked yet happy now that I'm being crowned. The sash and the flower boquet were given to me.   "Miss International 2019, you can have you first walk." Crimson said.   Still feeling high, I did my first walk, not minding the tears that are flowing from my eyes. I am crying but still manage to smile. I can see my co-filipino are cheering me again, jumping in happiness because I have the crown.   I took pictures with different people, with my co-contestants congratulating me, the judges, organizers and even performers. Later on, I saw my parents crying and waving their hands. I cried more, knowing that I made them proud.   "I'm so happy—so proud of you, honey." Her voice cracked.   "Congratulations, darling," daddy said and kissed me. I hugged both of them. I feel exhausted but it cannot surpass the feeling of joy.   I received more compliments, gifts like flowers and more. Sa pag-upo ko, doon ko naramdaman ang pagod but at least, I knew that this is worth it. I already become what I wanted to be. I hold the crown and stared at it. This is it. I need to sleep and rest because after that I will be facing the biggest responsibility affiliated with the title I got.   "Are you ready,Lana? Miss International bodyguards are here. They will escort you to the reporters and to your room."   I sighed and stood. I nod at her and she opened the door.   As I step from the door, I saw not ten but seventeen bodyguards. Tipid akong napangiti sa sarili bago sila nginitian na 'di katulad ng ngiting tila pagod.   "Congratulations," they said. I just nod my head and whispered, 'thank you'.   They escorted me to where the reporters are waiting. When they saw me arrived, they eventually pointed their microphone to my face. Trying to asked a question but of course the bodyguard covered me and let me step on the platform where I should answer their questions.   "Miss International, how's your experience? How do you feel now that you won the title?"   "How ready are you to face the new journey of your life as Miss International?"   "When will you get back to your country to celebrate your victory?"   Ilan lang iyan sa mga tanong nila sa akin. Hindi naalis ang ngiti sa aking labi at saka nilibot sila ng tingin at sinubukan alalahanin ang ilang katanungan na ibinato nila at iyon ang sinagot.   "I am actually still in awe right now but of course, I've been into a lot pageantry and I always remind myself that I should always be ready for everything,” confident kong sagot.   "Are you excited for this journey?" Pagbabato ng isa pang tanong ng isang reporter. Tumango naman ako.   "Yes, I am. Actually I'm bothered if I can do this but I know through God and the people who are always there to support me, I can do this. I'm bothered but still I'm ready."   Ilan pang mga katanungan ang sinagot ko bago ako nakaalis doon. Nilibot ko ang tingin sa Hotel Room na inihanda para sa tatanghaling Miss International. Sobrang relaxing ng ambiance at tila alam nila kung gaano ka-exhausted ang tutuloy dito. Narinig ko ang kaluskos na dulot ng paglalapag at pag-aayos ng personal assistant ko sa aking mga gamit.   "At last! I can finally rest," I murmured.   Ilang sandaling katahimikan bago ko narinig ang tikhim niya.   "Miss Lana, do you want your phone on?" she asked.   Natigilan ako ng ilang sandali bago napabuntong hininga. Nilingon ko siya, nginitian at tumango.   She handed me my phone, it is now open. Messages flood, hundreds of miss call, and private messages invaded my mobile phone. I scanned the messages. 'Congratulations' is all I can see. Some are from Elegantes members and some are from my cousins. Sinunod kong bisitahin ang missed calls. My best friend's name appeared on it, the latest and then some of it are from my colleagues, college friends and my distant relatives.   All of it made me smile maliban sa iisang pangalan na sadyang siyang may pinakamaraming beses na tawag. One hundred thirty eight missed call. Napalunok ako sa sunod sunod na ideyang pumasok sa isip ko. "Is this how you taint your name? Is this how the monster hiding from your good images moved? If it is then it's cruel. You are cruel than what I imagine, Lana!”   Narinig ko ang boses na iyon sa aking tenga. Lahat ng kasiyahang nararamdaman ko ay parang unti-unting napalitan ng galit at pagkamuhi sa kaniya.   Wala sa sarili akong tumayo at naglakad patungo sa vanity mirror na naririto sa kwarto. Pinagmasdan ko ang sarili kong suot ang isang casual gown na napapatungan lamang ng Louis Vuitton jacket. May make up pa rin ngunit 'di tulad kanina ay hindi na ganoong makulay ang gamit kong lipstick.   Tipid akong ngumiti. Lumipad ang tingin ko sa korona, sash at bulaklak na natanggap ko sa pagkapanalo. Mapagtatakpan ba nito ang totoong nararamdaman ko? I heard my phone ringing; I had a glimpse on it and saw a familiar name popping on the screen.   Casus M. is calling.   Tila asido na tumunaw sa binuo kong pader ang pangalan na iyon. Unti-unting nilukob ng sakit ang aking sistema. Isang pangalan na sadyang malaki ang impact sa akin. Pagak akong natawa matapos i-slide ang screen para ikansela ang tawag.   I am now the Miss International 2019 but still I will never be his queen. I believe that he is always owned by someone and that’s not me. Hawak ko man ang titulo na hinahangad ng lahat ng babae, karangyaan at kapangyarihan na hinahangad ng marami, alam kong may isang bagay akong hindi kailanman makukuha.   Casus Montralde is not mine and he will never be.