Born to Fight

Chapter 11

Celeste

I looked at him with wide eyes as what he had just said sank in. I honestly couldn’t have been more stunned if he had gotten up and slapped me across the face. Billy. His name was Billy. Suddenly after living with the build-up of all the grief, loss, heartache, fear and anxiety of the past few days, something inside of me just snapped.

“Billy! Your name is Billy?” I asked looking at him, hoping I had heard him wrong, but knowing in my heart that I hadn't.

“Yes,” he confirmed, nodding but clearly not understanding my question.

“So you’re the reason she’s dead. They killed her because of you,” I whispered, looking at him. “They killed my mother because of you!” I yelled at him, slamming my hand down onto the table in front of me, suddenly unable to control my temper.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, looking at me in confusion.

“The men who killed my mother were looking for you,” I told him.

“I don’t understand what you are talking about,” he stated looking at me.

“Well, that's convenient now isn't it? But whether you cop to knowing who they were or not, they know you. The men who killed her were looking for you. They kept asking her where Billy was. We don't know of anyone by that name except for you. But for some reason that I will never understand, my mother refused to give you up. Knowing they were going to kill her anyway, she took what she knew about you to the grave. I don’t know why she bothered to protect you, God knows you never did a damn thing to help her. Now she is dead, and I am all alone, because someone out there wants you dead!” I spat at him.

As I looked at Billy, I could see the concern and pain in his face. I had to admit he did seem to care about what I was telling him. But at this moment I just didn’t care. As far as I was concerned, it was too little too late. My mother had died protecting a man who had abandoned her for whatever selfish reason he felt was justified. That hurt. The fact that my mother had protected a man from her past, but hadn't put up a fight to stay with me, made the resentment inside of me build into anger. I felt like a volcano that was ready to erupt. I needed an outlet for my anger. But here in Josh and Jamie's house, I didn't have an outlet for it. I kept breathing deeply to help me remain calm, not wanting to get worked up and set Loki off once again. I was worried that if Loki went off again, he would be sent outside, and I needed him in here with me.

“Celeste, I don’t expect you to believe me, but I would like for you to hear me out. After you hear me out, you can think whatever you like about me. But please, just hear me out. Because despite what you might think of me, I honestly did love your mom.”

I watched him closely trying to see if I could see any doubt in his eyes. So far, he seemed genuine. What did I have to lose by hearing him out? I figured I could keep an open mind about whatever he had to say. Besides, regardless of what he was going to say, it wasn’t like he was going to be sticking around for me to have to deal with, right? He had already shown me he was the type of person who walked out on his responsibilities. He had walked out on me once, and he would do it again. Knowing this, I looked at him for a moment and nodded, accepting his terms.

Billy nodded in acknowledgement, before slowly letting out a breath I hadn't realized he had been holding. He was silent for a moment before he took a breath and started speaking. “When I first met your mother, I was on deployment. At the time, I was a SEAL and she was an up and coming Intel Analyst. She was working closely with my team during that op, and we ended up falling in love. Cliche I know. But it is the Gods honest truth."

"My marriage had been on the rocks. My wife had made it clear she wasn't happy and she had been talking of leaving. So I decided, what the hell? I just wanted to be happy. Maybe you see it as being selfish. And maybe it was. But that's what I wanted. Anyway, we dated for a while, for several months in fact, and I started to come to my senses and realized what I was doing to my family. My wife decided she wanted our marriage to get back on track and I knew my kids needed me."

"Unfortunately, by the time that I had come to my senses, your mother had found out that she was pregnant. I loved your mother, more then you will ever know. Leaving her was the hardest thing I have ever done. It broke my heart, and I know it broke hers too. I hated myself for hurting her like that. I would have given anything to spare her the pain I put her through. Now, before you go jumping to conclusions, you need to understand, I had a wife and two kids already. My marriage was having problems at the time, and I got into something that I had no business getting into. But I needed to put my family first. My kids needed me to be there for them. So, I went back to my family and your mom raised you by herself. And for what its worth, she did a great job.”

Billy looked at me and I could see he was being sincere. He did hate himself for hurting my mother. But he had just said it himself, he had already had a wife and family at the time. That alone should have meant my mother was off-limits. What he had done had been selfish. He had used my mother for his own gratification during his brief separation with his wife, and then he had abandoned her. Knowing my mother had been pregnant he had walked away, he had gone back to his family, and he had never looked back.

“Thank you for telling me your side of the story. My mom never talked about you. Every time I would ask her about who my dad was, she just changed the subject or clammed up. I didn’t know your name or anything," I told him, as I looked at him to gauge his reaction.

I saw the hurt in Billy’s eyes before he quickly masked it. I felt bad for hurting him, but I was just being honest. I stood up from my seat at the table, “If you gentleman will please excuse me, I need some air. I think I might take Loki out for a while.”

I went to walk away from the table when Jamie stood up. “Where are you going to go?” he asked.

“I thought I might take Loki for a walk. It would be good for him to get out for a run, and it would be good for me to clear my head,” I replied.

“Wait a minute, and I will go with you,” said Jamie.

“I would rather go alone, I have a lot I need to process, so I am going to want some quiet time,” I replied.

“I understand that believe me I do, but I just don’t think you should be alone at the moment,” he said.

“I won’t be alone, I will be with him,” I said, inclining my head towards Loki.

Jamie was looking concerned. I knew he was worried about my safety, but... suddenly I felt panicked as the realization hit me. The look on Jamie's face only confirmed what had been scaring me ever since my mother's death. The people that had killed my mother might be coming for me next. I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. I braced my arms on the back of my chair and leaned down trying to draw a breath. But no matter how many breaths I tried to draw in, I felt as though my lungs were yielding me nothing. My head was spinning, and I felt like an icy cold hand had wrapped it's ice cold fingers around my heart, chilling me to the core. 

Jamie came up behind me resting his hands on my shoulders. “Celeste, you need to calm down. Slow deep breaths,” he said.

I was still trying to calm down and breathe. By now I had tears running down my face and I couldn’t stop shaking. I felt cold all over, like I had just stepped into a cold room or a freezer. My head was reeling and my thoughts felt like they were running on a loop. My worst nightmares were coming true. I was not safe. I truly believed that now. At first, it had just been an idea, an unsubstantiated illogical fear that I hadn’t been able to shake. But now, having seen the look of concern on Jamie’s face, I could see my fears had been right.

Jamie gently lowered me into my seat, and I sat there in silence, finally able to get air into my lungs. I looked at him before quickly glancing over to where Josh and Billy sat. All three of them were looking at me with concern.

“I’m not safe, am I?” I whispered, looking back at Jamie. “They are going to come after me next, aren’t they?”

“We don’t know that,” said Josh.

 “Celeste, we don’t even know who they are,” added Billy.

 "But they know you!" I stated, glaring at him.

Jamie

I sat there at the kitchen table and watched the strained interaction between father and daughter. I could see that Celeste was wishing she was anywhere but there, at that table with the man she got half of her DNA from. Oh, she was putting on a good show. For that, I had to give her credit. But, despite her saying all the right things and trying to keep things civil, her body language was telling an entirely different story.

I glanced over at Josh and I could see that he was also watching the interaction playing out before him. I knew Josh was having trouble trying to wrap his head around the fact that Celeste was his kid sister. Josh had confessed to me that he was worried Celeste would not give him the chance to get to know her, due to her history and personal feelings regarding his father. On this matter, I hoped that Josh was wrong. I knew that given a chance, Josh would be the best brother Celeste could ever hope for. He would be there for her, supporting her, through anything she had to deal with, no matter what. And as for Lilly, Josh’s younger sister, well she was a pocket dynamo. A little crazy, incredibly annoying and extremely protective of her family. But a good friend to have in your corner when she wasn't pissing you off. Celeste just needed to give Lilly and Josh a chance to show her that she was not alone. She had family if she was willing to accept them. I also needed her to see that no matter what, she had me too.