Born to Fight

Chapter 7

Celeste

Having had a long history with me and my mother and understanding just how close the two of us had been. Along with realizing how hard things were going to be for me since I was still grieving. Plus dealing with the loss of my mother, on top of having to leave the only home I had ever known. Two of my mother’s closest friends from the base where she worked had taken it upon themselves to make the arrangements for my mother's funeral. I was incredibly grateful to them for what they had done for me. I knew they would make my mother's funeral beautiful. If I had been left to take care of the arrangements, I wouldn't have even known where to begin. I did not doubt that if I had asked him to help me, Jamie would have helped. But that would be one more thing I would owe him for, or be dependent upon him for. And I didn't want to further burden him.

It was as though everyone was in some kind of silent agreement about wanting to spare me as much additional pain as they could. I understood their concern and I appreciated what they were doing, but I felt bad that they were being burdened with having to protect me.

The day of my mother’s funeral dawned grey and gloomy with steady moderate rain. The weatherman predicted severe storms for late in the afternoon and evening. As far as I was concerned, it was the perfect day for a funeral. I thought it was fitting that the weather matched my mood perfectly: miserable.

During the graveside funeral service, some of the people who had known my mother spoke about the type of person my mother had been, before going on to talk about the things she had accomplished during her time within the military. They spoke in admiration of my mother's many accomplishments and accolades. Then they spoke about how my mother's death was such a senseless tragedy.

The entire time they spoke, I stood beside Jamie. Throughout the service, I remained as still as a statue with my hands in the pockets of my black coat. The whole time I was standing there, I was trying to fight the tightness in my chest and keep from falling apart. Keeping my hands in my pockets was something I had chosen to do so that I could hide my shaking hands from the prying eyes of the funeral attendees. I didn't want anyone catching on to the fact that I was barely holding it together. 

I would never come out and openly admit it, but being at the cemetery and away from the security of Josh and Jamie’s house, I was slowly being consumed by the fear that I had been feeling so often recently. Looking at the closed casket which was sitting there on display in front of the group wasn’t helping my fears to diminish either.

As I stood there in the freezing rain, my thoughts began to run rampant. I found myself wondering what helping me was going to cost Jamie. Would Jamie be back here at this cemetery again in the coming months? Would he be standing here in this cemetery, looking at another casket that was covered in flowers? Would I be in it? Or worse would Jamie or Josh end up dead because hey chose to help me?

I stood in the rain as the unwanted thoughts continued to plague me. I had no answers to any of my questions. I was raised by my grandpa, my mother and my school to be a soldier. But right now, I wasn't feeling like a soldier. I was feeling like a coward. Like a scared, helpless little girl.

After the service was over, I walked over to the casket and placed a silver rose on top of it. Silver roses were my mother’s favorite. They had been her one extravagance she had allowed herself. They were pricey, but my mother had loved them so much. Once I had placed the rose on the casket, I stood back and watched as other mourners began to place red and white roses on top of the casket. As I watched them place their roses on the casket, I noticed that the women shed tears and the men looked angry. I didn't blame them. I knew how they felt. These people were military people, and my mother had been one of their own. To all of them, this was personal. They wanted my mother's killers caught just as much as I did. 

After the service had concluded, I stood alone in the rain which was now getting heavier. I watched the group of people who were standing in a group gathered around the graveside talking and comforting one another. They were all interacting with each other, brought together by their grief and misery over the loss of someone they admired immensely.

 My mothers' colleagues mingled and hugged and cried and talked quietly among themselves, and now and then I had noticed that all of them would sneak glances at me. As they looked over at me with pity, I became annoyed. I hated the pitying looks. They all knew that the people who had killed my mother were still out there somewhere. And I would be willing to bet, that like me, they were wondering if I was in danger of them coming after me as well.

As my thoughts drifted towards that frightening possibility, I looked around to see if I could see anyone who might be acting suspiciously. Not seeing anyone suspicious, I looked around to see if I could pinpoint anyone that didn't seem to belong. I knew that it would require someone to possess an extremely sick and twisted mind, to go and attend the funeral of someone they had killed. But then again, murderers weren’t the most rational and stable people on the planet now were they?

I was looking around the cemetery when I spotted someone standing back over near the cluster of trees that separated the cemetery and the cemetery's parking lot. Even from this distance, I could tell that it was a man that I didn’t recognize. At first, I figured it might simply be someone that my mother had worked with. But if that was the case, wouldn’t he be over here with my mother’s other colleagues? Or at least be standing close enough to be a part of the funeral service?

As if suddenly sensing me watching him, the man looked over at me. Catching my eye momentarily, the man quickly stepped back behind the tree closest to him and out of my line of sight. I ignored my fear and the rational part of my brain that was telling me that this was a really bad idea, and started walking towards the tree. I wanted to know who this man was. How did he know my mother? Why was he here? What was he hiding? I got closer to the tree, and staying a good distance away from it I started moving around it, trying to catch sight of the man once more. But the man was gone. I cast a glance around the area hoping to catch sight of him again. But it was no good. The man had simply vanished, like a ghost into thin air.

Jamie

I had looked down at Celeste numerous times throughout the funeral service. The entire time that the funeral director, along with various other people that had known her mother throughout her life and extensive career had been speaking, Celeste hadn't said a word. She had kept her eyes focused on the casket the entire time. She hadn't cried. She was like a statue.

It was almost like she was frozen. I had stuck by her side in case she had a meltdown which was only to be expected as far as I was concerned, given everything she had been through recently. But she had held it together. She was resilient, I will give her that. There were no tears, and no emotions evident upon her face. She had held her composure and stood there beside me right up until the moment that she walked up to the casket and laid a single silver rose on top of it. It was funny, up until Celeste had gone to the florist to purchase a silver rose for today, I had never seen one, let alone heard of them. They were pretty, but I had to admit I had been shocked by how expensive they were. 

Once Celeste had put her rose on top of the casket, she had walked a short distance away from the group of people that were still gathered around the grave site. Standing alone, she had gone back to gazing at the casket. When Josh and I had laid our roses on top of the casket, we took a moment to speak briefly with other mourners while covertly keeping an eye on Celeste.

During my conversation with one of the Lieutenants from mine and Josh's base, I looked over at Celeste, checking on her. I became a little concerned when I couldn’t see her where she had been standing mere moments earlier. 

I looked around and it wasn't long before I saw her a good distance away from the group, standing on her own. From the way that she was moving, she seemed to be looking for someone or something. Concerned for her safety, and curious as to what she was doing, I made my way over to her. When I walked up to her, she glanced up and looked me in the eye, and I could see the sheen of tears in her eyes. I could see that she was trying so hard to hold it together and stay strong, but no matter how hard she was trying, everything was beginning to catch up with her. Celeste was strong, but in this case, she was fighting a losing battle.

To me, she looked lost and defeated. Knowing she needed to get out of the view of the public before she fell apart, I gently took her by the elbow and led her towards Josh's car. When we reached the car, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and rang Josh to tell him that we needed to leave. It wasn't long before Josh joined us at the car, and we were making our way home.