Saved By The Cops.

Chapter Five. Lisa May Black.

Chapter Five. Lisa May Black

Blowing out a nervous breath, I continue to pace the floor of my home. My once safe haven now feels tarnished.

I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of my ring camera app pinging to let me know that it had spotted a person. I had not taken much notice, presuming it was just someone walking past my door. It normally is. That was my first mistake.

My second was running across the landing, stark naked, to go for my ‘disturbed sleep’ wee, the Ring security camera I keep on my landing pointing throw my window over the top of my outhouse, capturing me in the refection of the glass. Yeah, didn’t realise it would do that when I bought the thing the other day because it was half price in Argos. The reason it is not yet fixed into the wall outside, I am waiting for my dad to come drill the screws in for me!

Unfortunately, I cannot delete the video of my wobbly bits wobbling to the bathroom. Oh no. Because some robbing bastard has been doing the rounds on my estate. Lo and behold, he smashed the small window in my outhouse that sits at the side of my main building, and my camera picked up his image.

So now, I am nervously pacing the floor because I am waiting for PC Plod to arrive to check the window and my footage from the camera. Just my luck, and whoever comes is going to get an eye full of me in all my glory!

Great. Just great!

God, I hope it is a woman officer they send. I mean I am still going to feel the burn of humiliation but at least it will not be as bad as a bloke looking at my naked body, running to the loo for my morning wee! Maybe I should have requested a woman. Not sure I can do that, but I should have at least tried.

I pull my long brown cardigan around my body, as if to hide my curves that will soon be on full display for PC Plod, or whoever they send. I hear a soft meow and look down at my eight-month-old kitten. Her grey fur clings to my black leggings like it is a magnet.

“I am sorry, Princess. Did I forget your breakfast?” I say to my Maine coon Persian mixed kitten, who, is already the size of a larger than average cat.

I walk through to the kitchen, opening my fridge door, to grab the overly expensive, fancy cat food I buy her, and pop it in the microwave for a few seconds to take the chill off the ‘Human Quality meat, with zero fillers,’ before placing it on a plate, so that she avoids whisker stress.

Yes, I am a crazy cat lady. Sue me! I would rather have the company of my kitten than that of a man. Especially after my last effort at having a bit of romance in my life. To say I got burnt would be an understatement. After finding out that bastard had a whole other family behind my back, he left wounds so deep I needed a heart transplant.

So, as a result, I am a 27-year-old, forever singleton, who works from home, in my ex-council house I bought because it was all I could afford, with only my kitten for company. Sounds sad? Nope, I am more than happy with my lot in life. I can do what I want, when I want, with whom I want, even though I don’t. Six years. Yeah, six years since I allowed a man anywhere near me. After that experience, I do not trust my judgement, because there was a plethora of red flags waving in front of my nose, that I chose to ignore.

My advice to single women out there is to trust your gut, steer clear of men, and buy a vibrator to take care of your needs. At least you are guaranteed an orgasm, and you don’t need to sleep in the wet patch, because he turns over and takes up the dry side of the bed, keeping you awake with his damned snoring.

Some might say I am jaded.

Nope, I am just realistic.

My kitten jumps down from her feeding table, proceeding to get the zoomies, and runs around the house like the crazy, fluffy and gorgeous beast she is. Normally I find this enjoyable to watch, as she jumps onto the shelves, I put up in my dining room as a cat superhighway, but today, I just worry my hands together, still pacing the floor and looking out of the window, waiting for the coppers who are going to witness my shame.

Hell, I was not camera-ready, my lady garden overgrown, because nobody sees her, so the only time she gets any pruning is for a check-up at the doctor's. My boobs bouncing, and my lower belly sticking out more than it used to, because, I have put on a few pounds.

Oh god, the shame!

WHY ME?

Nervously, I begin to bite my fingernails. A habit I had gotten rid of years ago that suddenly reappeared this morning.

In theory, I should log on for work, nothing is stopping me, other than my anxious disposition. But honestly, until the coppers have come around and my humiliation is complete, I cannot concentrate on the annotations that the surveyor’s company have sent over to me. Thankfully, I am a self-employed office support worker, so I don’t have a boss to worry about. However, I do have clients breathing down my neck for their projects to be completed on time. But right now, a client having to wait an extra couple of hours for their work to be completed and sent over to them is the least of my worries.

I blow out a breath when my phone pings, letting me know a person has been detected on the Ring doorbell. I close my eyes before daring to look out the window. Slowly I open them again, to see a police officer, helmet and all, walking through the gate and up my path, with a guy in plain clothes next to him.

Just my luck, two damned men!

Great, just great.

The doorbell rings as my heart pounds in my chest, and I walk to the door, opening it.

“Miss Lisa May Black?” the deep timber of PC Plod sends a hum of something I haven’t felt in forever through me. Desire!

I glance up slowly. Hell, this man is built. Suddenly, my mouth turns dry as I look at the drop-dead gorgeous face of the officer who is about to witness my shame. His ice blue eyes rendered me speechless. Hot damn, he is all that and a bag of chips.

I don’t like men; I don’t need a man. I repeat to myself, for some reason rendered dumb, and not able to answer this guy’s question.

Officer Gorgeous clears his throat and says my name again in a question.

“Erm, yeah,” I tell him, my cheeks flushing from embarrassment that I have just been caught checking him out.

Shit, why me?

I then step aside to allow him and his buddy into my home. s**t, did I even remember to dust yesterday, because I know I didn’t today? Hell, why do I care? They are going to see something a hell of a lot more embarrassing than a bit of dust and cat fur in a moment.

“I am PC Jason Tanner, and this is my colleague from C.I.D. Jessie Symons,” his eyes roam up and down my body, leaving a trail of heat in their wake, before he makes eye contact with me, and I swallow, losing my ability to think, let alone speak.

“I believe someone attempted to break into your property,” the uniformed adonis smiles at me.

What is wrong with me? He is just a man, probably with a wife and Kids, and cheats on them with some unsuspecting female, who believes in love, and is yet to find out it doesn’t exist.

“Ahah, they broke the outhouse window,” I say, my mind blank.

“What time was this?” the copper in disguise asks me.

“Around five am,” I tell him. He is also nice looking, but there is something I cannot fathom about PC Jason Tanner, which makes the C.I.D. detective pale into insignificance. Maybe it is the uniform. But I have never had a 'thing' for uniforms before.

“I believe you have some footage you can show us,” PC gorgeous asks me.

Oh f**k, here we go, my humiliation is about to be played out! Damn it!

“Yeah. My ring camera pinged early hours this morning. I didn’t check it at the time, as I thought it would be just someone walking past the house. I nipped to the loo, and it pinged again. That is when I checked it.” I ramble like an i***t.

“May we take a look?” the Copper in Disguise asks.

Instantly I blush, and nod my head, biting my bottom lip, before looking at the pair of police officers, my face automatically grimacing.

“Yeah, but… well… the camera I have upstairs was on the windowsill pointing outside, as my dad is coming to fix it to the outside wall at the weekend. Anyway, I didn’t know it would pick up a reflection in the window, as I only got it a couple of days ago,” I ramble, my voice running as fast as a horse racing commentator.

“It caught me nipping to the loo in the reflection,” I say, lowering my head, finding my feet interesting. That is when I notice that my interesting feet, are in odd socks… oh for f**k sake, odd socks! I am one classy woman. NOT!

“That is fine, it will not dampen the quality of the image,” PC Jason Tanner tells me.

“That is what I am afraid of,” I mutter under my breath.

The gorgeous copper furrows his brow at me, then his ice blue eyes widen.

“Erm, were you in a state of undress at the time?” he asks, as I cringe, lowering my head before slowly nodding it.

“I am sorry, but we do need to see it. How about I go out and check this broken window, and just PC Tanner looks at the footage, to minimize your embarrassment,” the CID officer suggests.

I glance at PC gorgeous and nod my head once, flooding my arms across my chest in a bid to protect myself from what he is about to see.

I hand him the phone, which has the images on it, ready to download if the police officers need them for evidence.

Shit evidence, if they catch this robbing bastard will I need to go to court? Will my impromptu naked video play out to a jury, for the world to see?

Oh GOD! A new wave of panic begins to consume me, as PC Tanner begins to play the video.

To avoid looking at PC Gorgeous as he looks at my naked reflection. I glance into the full-length mirror that hangs on the wall of my hallway, not sure why I did that, because what I see is horrific. My muddy brown long hair that hangs to the top of my bum, looks like a family of birds could nest in it. I have been promising myself to get a good cut, and add some highlights for months now, but never got round to it. Much like I didn’t get round to brushing the birds nest this morning. Hell, I am a damned mess. I haven’t really given my looks much thought since the disaster of that relationship ended, nor any real self-care. I am not sure why, but suddenly I feel the urge to take a little more pride in my appearance. The ice blue eyes of PC Tanner are looking at me as he hands my phone back to me. s**t. This drop-dead gorgeous policeman has just seen me as naked as the day I was born, and I feel my whole body burn with embarrassment. I want him out of my house as soon as humanly possible, so that I can wallow in my shame, then forget this whole thing ever happened.

“Nice p***y,” the PC commented.

I look up at him, my mouth opens wide in disbelief. PC Tanner then chuckles at me and holds up the last captured images from the night, after my naked toilet dash, and I see Princess’s face checking out the camera, and breathe a sigh of relief before giving him a pointed glare.

“You did not just say that!” I said, as he shrugged and flashed me a panty-melting smile.

“What? I was talking about your cat. That is your dirty mind, Miss Black,” the gorgeous copper continues to grin at me mischievously.

“You are trouble.” I point at him, then begin to giggle, his inappropriate comment breaking the tension I was feeling.

The front door opens again, and the C.I.D. copper walks back inside the house.

“Jason, there is blood on the shards of glass. Quite a bit of it. Can you call Sergeant Smith and get a scene of crimes officer out to do a DNA swab? Also, by the amount of blood the guy is going to need medical attention. Can you wait here with Miss Black, until SOCO arrive, and I will head to the hospital, see if our suspect is there,” the copper in disguise tells the gorgeous man who has just seen me naked and commented on my nice p***y!

“Yes. I will crop the video so you can have a still of what he looks like.” the PC Adonis turns and gives me a small smile and wink.

“Don’t worry, Miss Black, I will protect your innocence,” he grins at me, and suddenly I giggle, then feel like I am going to swoon like a Victorian lady.

What the Hell is WRONG WITH ME!