A LUNA’S REJECTION

Chapter 4

Going Rogue.

The only person I talked to about Alpha Bren is Clara. So, when I walk through the pack and start getting pitiful looks from my members, I know Bren told someone else. For a few days, everything seemed normal and okay. I avoided walking by the Pack House. I made sure to just go to my training sessions and socialize with my other friends who weren't a part of the Ceremony. Clara and everyone who graduated were being called into the Pack House to determine their futures in leadership and what they would be doing.

Every day after lessons or taking walks through the woods, Clara would find me. She'd smile and try to make me feel better, bringing me cupcakes or cookies. She knows I love baked goods — they tend to remind me of my mom and dad — but it didn't matter what she would do. I was miserable.

Every morning, there's a pain in the pit of my stomach. My wolf cowering in the back of my mind, sullen and depressed, curled up into a ball like she's been caged in a zoo. I wish I could do something. I wish I could just disappear into the back of her mind and act like nothing else around me exists. But she doesn't even want to shift anymore.

I'm already having to battle with myself. I feel deflated and worthless. Clara and I used to dress up as princesses growing up. We couldn't wait to meet our prince charming. Now I've supposedly met mine, and he didn't care about the fact that the glass slipper fit perfectly on my foot. He might as well have tossed it into the trash.

I still feel a small pull towards Bren. Even though I've been avoiding him, it's unfortunately there like an itch I can't reach. It breaks me. Waking up in this pain and falling asleep with it. The only peace I seem to get is when I'm finally asleep, but then the torment starts all over again.

I guess I wasn't good enough. He didn't give me a chance. He knows me. Why wouldn't he at least try? Maybe I'm not pretty enough. No, that's stupid. I'm just weak. I'm not the strongest female in the pack. Despite not being the weakest, I'm just average. And if there's something I know about Bren, it's that he always wants to overachieve — just not with me by his side.

After a few days, I started getting the looks. Clara noticed first but didn't want to tell me. I can feel the looks on me when I'm walking to training or sitting in a classroom. I hear the whispers that go on from afar. Bren told someone because I know Clara would never.

"Mia," Clara says as we're on the way to our weekly pack dinner. It'll be the first time I'll see Bren since he rejected me. Every weekly dinner is accompanied by a speech from the Alpha.

My eyes are focused on the ground as we approach the dinner hall. "What's up?"

"We don't need to go to dinner tonight," Clara emphasizes. "We can go back to my place, watch some movies, eat ice cream. I bought your favorite — double fudge brownie."

I shake my head, wishing the world would swallow me whole. My self-esteem has never felt so low. I feel like a hollow shell, and no matter what, I'm never going to be fulfilled. It sounds so stupid to think. I thought I was better than this. Someone strong and confident, because I'm smart and enthusiastic. I've now been reduced to a mate-less werewolf. A broken girl who just wants love.

Fuck...

Clara and I take our seats in the back. A few people walk by, looking directly at me. Then a few girls walk behind us. I recognize them instantly — my friends from our courses. The girl who beat me in the Ceremony, Olive, walks towards us. She licks her lip hesitantly, eyes meeting mine.

In a soft voice, she mutters, "I'm sorry, Mia."

I can't be angry. I can't get riled up. Even she seems to be scared. Rejections never happen. Especially with Alphas. Any Luna's role is to make a pack stronger. It's to help the Alpha lead and be the best Alpha he can be. Rejections don't happen. At least that's what I believed.

"It's okay," I answer her quietly, pushing down humiliation as she walks away with our friends.

Clara scrunches up her face like she's eating a sour candy. Leaning towards me she says, "We should go make face with the King. This is frowned upon. Why the f**k did Bren do this?"

"I don't want to go to the King," I say quietly.

"Mia—"

"No," I snap instantly, a burning sensation suddenly hitting the back of my throat. I force myself not to cry, letting my hair fall down to cover half my face. "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me, Clara."

"But Mia..." Her voice trails off. Taking a deep breath, she manages to say something I know she's been holding back for a few days. The unspoken rule as to why everyone feels sorry for me. "Alpha Bren needs you. You're an Alpha's mate. Without you, our pack will be weak. You know that. We all need you."

I decide not to reply. I have nothing to say to it. Alpha Bren clearly thinks that I'm not strong enough to lead a pack, which means he truly believes that the pack is stronger without me instead of with me. If it wasn't humiliating already to be rejected, it's only worse knowing I was considered to be an inadequate Luna.

"We need to go protest to the King," Clara insists. "Bren is being stupid."

"Drop it, Clara," I growl at her.

This seems to catch her off guard. Her eyes widening and hands going in the air in surrender. Even my wolf has no energy to spend on trying to gain audience from the King over this. Bren wasn't wrong when he said the King is preoccupied with other matters.

We hear the chime of the bell, turning our attention to the front of the pack. The higher members are aligned at the front table, where Alpha Bren holds the lead seat. His Beta steps forth towards the microphone to go over any notes we all need.

It was the typical message we get every week. "Focus on your training," or "Don't forget that strength means victory," and other corny phrases. Finally, the microphone is handed to Bren.

My heart skips a beat seeing him. Even my wolf finally seems to show signs of life as the pull between us begins to tug again.

Bren looks down at the microphone, everyone waiting for the Alpha to speak. His eyes briefly meet mine. He looks away, almost embarrassed and ashamed it happened. I decide to look down from then on.

"As many of you know," Bren begins speaking, "I found my mate earlier this week."

Murmurs start spreading through our pack. A few eyes turn to me, as if completely aware of who Bren is speaking about. The rumor mill must be turning crazy in the pack for everyone to already take the plunge. I can hear a few people whispering my name.

Without any faze whatsoever, Bren continues. "I believe that there is a stronger Luna that can lead our pack. Someone with the physical tenacity to charge into battle with us should we be needed. We are the strongest pack in the world, and someone weak cannot be leading us."

Bren puffs his chest slightly as pride seems to swell amongst him and the pack. Everyone is nodding along with his words like they completely understand why I don't belong. I start sinking deeper into my bench, my chest feeling like it's about to capsize.

I never thought I was that weak. I might not be the strongest or biggest wolf, but if I was as weak as Bren is portraying me to be, then I would have been kicked out years ago. Weakness isn't tolerated here. I have my strengths. They're just not the extent they want them to be.

The eyes glancing at me feel intense. The pressure of everyone knowing suddenly weighs on my shoulders. I feel Clara reach for my hand under the table, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

"You're not weak," she whispers to me.

I make eye contact with her, and I can see the anger flashing in her eyes like a fire.

Bren is lost in some motivational speech about how we're the strongest. How our strength and valor help us become the best pack. How we need to be warriors and nothing more.

I can't help but look at the people surrounding him at the large table. His Beta Jake, some other elders that we're meant to respect in our pack because they were basically gladiators back in the day. Is Bren really the one who had any say in this? Does he truly believe I'm nothing, or are his strings being pulled?

Just as the sun begins to set, Bren clears his throat.

"I have one more announcement to make," Bren says just as we're about to leave. "To ensure that our pack remains the strongest. To ensure that I provide only the best to all of you. It has been agreed that I will be mated with the strongest female of our pack."

On cue, Emery Gates, the winner of our Ceremony, steps onto the stage. A round of applause goes out like a celebrity couple were walking the red carpet.

"Motherfucker," Clara curses under her breath, her jaw clenched, and I see her eyes suddenly go black.

I reach for her, partially to calm her down. The last thing we need is for her to wolf out and rip out Emery's neck. I'm also trying to calm myself down.

How could he do this to us? I think to myself.

My wolf might as well have been pierced with silver and wolfsbane. She goes so limp in my head that it physically hurts like I've doubled over. My breath starts to pick up as I watch Emery walk towards Bren's side. They hold each other's hands, and that's what begins to make me visibly sick.

Oh my God, I think to myself. I'm going to throw up.

I can't. Not here. Not with everybody watching. Some eyes are already glancing at me like they're waiting for me to break.

No.

Pull yourself together, Mia.

Pull yourself, f*****g, together.