Truth be told

SPENCER'S POV I was ready to receive the shouting of a life time. I hesitate at the door contemplating on what would happen if i went in there surely he wouldn't punish his own son no matter how badly i screwed up and this time i really did screw up pretty badly i gulp hoping he'd find it funny too. Take a deep breath in and open the door. "Father..?" i said peeping through to scan the area. "Spencer..come in" his firm voice says. i feel a knot in my throat oh no he used my full name that's never good. As i entered he did not even look at me he just kept looking and moving some papers around as if he is looking for something i walk in and i did not know what to do, usually by now he would've told me sit or had already started conversing by himself answering questions meant for me but this time nothing not even the slightest glance and after five minutes i decide to sit down despite not being asked to. The brown leather chair makes a creeking sound as i sit and i cringe at the sound knowing full well he heard but still doesn't even look at me. I sit in the silence looking around in the room remembering all the talks that i had with my father the good ones and the bad ones it never was ever this bad. i look at him hoping some answers might pop up from his movement but nothing. He finds the paper, i think and starts writing something on it. Its so quiet i can hear myself breathing and i try to concentrate lowering the sound. i wish he'd say something. after a while i decide to break the silence "Good..evening fath-" and instantly i am cut of "What's so good about it?... and who the fuck gave you permission to sit?" he says so calmly that if you didn't know what happened you'd assume his fine and with my heart beating faster now i cant decide whether i prefer the silence or the talking. I jump from the sit to stand behind it. He still hasnt looked at me and a big part of me is glad because my father's eyes when he is angry shake me to my very core that i feel like a little puppy being denied food i hate to disappoint my father his face everytime i do breaks my heart but under the influence i really don't know what comes over me might just be me unconsciously seeking attention from the very man i hate disappointing. It's s quiet again im immensely uncomfortable most of our talks he is leading them im not really sure what to do right now . I dont know what to say i think about lying but he usually finds out so i just start talking like a little boy. " im so sorry Father i took some mist (mist is a drug that vampires take because human drugs are too weak for them) and i was not in control of my actions. id never do such a thing in public on a sober mind in fact if i wasnt that intoxicated father i wouldn't even dare turn people to vampires especially because im not allowed to but i was stupid and reckless-" cut off again "if you know you cant control yourself after you take the drug.., why then , why take the drug huh Spencer?" there he goes using my full name again and i lower my head and look at my shoes i did not have an answer to that, well not a good one. "Well if you are not ready to talk why are you here? " i froze at that question i mean he called for me but i keep my mouth shut. Then he looks up at me and scans me from head to toe and i wished the ground could open up swallow me whole. His eyes saying so much and yet his mouth is shut he shakes his head disapprovingly as to say why did i have a son like you. Then he points to the door and i think for a moment whether to explain myself more or just oblige but the look on his face says he won't even understand or even try to understand i close the door behind me and finally breath with the look on his face replaying in my head.