Sa Kama ni Bayaw

21

Claire’s

Masaya kong pinagmasdan ang malawak na dagat sa harapan ko. Maalat at mainit ang simoy ng hangin na humahampas sa mukha ko. The ambiance is so refreshing and calming, this is a paradise for me. Kung ako ang papipiliin ay mas gusto ko na manirahan sa simpleng lugar na ito. This place is the total opposite of the busy and crowded streets of Makati.

Napapikit ang mga mata ko nang marinig ang mahihinang huni ng ibon kasabay ng hampas ng dagat sa dalampasigan. Nature is truly a beautiful thing.

It was my second day here and I’m enjoying my time alone. Savoring the feeling of getting to do whatever I wanted to do without the prying eyes of the crowd. I just feel bad that I had to lie to my mother, but I really had to do this. Ang sabi ko sa kanya ay kasama ko si Kate sa pag-retreat. She thought I was in Tagaytay for the retreat but in reality, I am here in Batangas renting a beachfront house for myself.

Hindi na ako nagpahatid sa driver dahil alam ko naman ang daan patungo dito, I’ve been in this place many times. Iyong panahon na kakamatay lang ng kapatid ko, this place had been my refuge. This was where I cried for the loss of my sister. This place witnessed all the pain that I had to endure of losing the only person who understands me. Don’t get me wrong, my mother is wonderful but my connection with my sister is just so strong. Dito rin sa lugar na ito kung saan natuto akong magpakatatag, I may not be as strong as my sister but I know that she’s proud of what I’ve become today. Siya iyong nag-udyok sa akin na ipagpatuloy ang pangarap ko kahit na ayaw ng ama namin. She stood up for me and supported me, and it was just so heartbreaking that she’s not here anymore.

I heaved out a sigh as my eyes watered, this would’ve been much easier if she’s here. Maybe she could give me some light on what I have to do. Sigurado din ako na pagagalitan ako no’n kapag nalaman niya ang mga katangahan ko. Pinahid ko ang mga nagbabadyang luha sa mga mata ko. Just thinking about the untimely death of my sister breaks my heart in pieces.

Huminga ako ng malalim at kinalma ang emosyon na nagwawala.

Nang maramdaman ko na masyado nang mainit dahil magtatanghali na ay nag-desisyon na akong pumasok sa loob ng bahay. Babalik na lang ako mamayang hapon kapag hindi na masyadong mainit para mag-swimming. This has been my daily routine for the last two days. I do meditation and Yoga in the morning then I’ll stay here on the shore for hours to enjoy myself with the views of nature.

The house is very cozy and the ambiance is very light. Nakapatong ang bahay sa isang man-made plateau-like elevation, kaya naman kitang-kita ang dagat kapag nasa veranda ka or kahit doon sa gazebo. It was painted in blue and white that’s why it had the feel of home. May pool din na nakaharap sa dagat kung gusto mo mag-swimming sa dis-oras ng gabi.

I brought my lunch to the gazebo. Malapit lang sa veranda ang gazebo but it was five steps down. Nasa gitna ng veranda at swimming pool.

These past few days made me thought of many things. What happened between me and Sebastian was way too much. I’ve given a thought about this and the consequences that I would have to take if things got a little complicated than it is right now. Naisip ko pa lang ang reaksyon ng ama ko ay natatakot na ako. Hindi ko rin alam kong seryoso ba talaga si Sebastian sa sinabi niya. We never really had a proper conversation ever since; all he would do was seduced me with his actions. Wala siyang sinasabi sa akin at hindi ko rin siya masyadong pinapansin dahil nga iba ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing nasa paligid siya. I have to reign myself, but what happened last week hit a realization on me: I am vulnerable to his charms. When it comes to him, I am so much weaker than I thought I was, and I hated myself for that.

Mabilis na tinapos ko ang pagkain. Pumasok ako sa bahay at hinugasan ang pinggan na ginamit. Pumanhik ako sa itaas at kinuha ang cellphone ko. I turned it off when I arrived here to rest my mind. Ngayon ay kailangan ko na ito buksan at baka nabahala na si mama sa akin. I last time contacted her was when I arrived here at pagkatapos no’n ay hindi ko na siya tinawagan.

Bumalik ako sa veranda at umupo sa isang rocking chair. I turned on my cellphone and waited for the messages to arrive. I’m sure at tinadtad na ako ng mga message ni Kate. After a minute ay nagsimula nang tumunog ang cellphone ko, maraming text messages ang pumasok, galing kay mama, kay Kate, kay Niu, and even Sebastian texted me. Inuna kong basahin ang mga message niya. Napataas ang kilay ko nang mabasa ko ang laman no’n.

From: +63945********

Where are you? Seb here.

Kahapon pa ang message na ‘to. Ba’t naman ako hinahanap na isang ‘yon? May iba pa siyang message asking me where I was and why I was not answering him,

From: +63945********

Where the f*ck are you?! Why you not answering my calls?

From: +63945********

Open your g*ddamn phone!

Kinakabahan ako sa sunod-sunod na message niya. Kahapon pa ang mga ‘to! Nagsisisi tuloy ako kung bakit ko pinatay ang cellphone pagdating ko.

Why does he sound so urgent? May problema ba? I hurriedly scanned the other messages sent by Kate. Pati siya ay marami din ang mensahe. I opened one.

From: Kate

Ba’t nakapatay ang phone mo? May kailangang kang malaman. Call me as soon as you read this.

The message was sent last night. Agad kong ni-dial ang number ni Kate and after a few rings she answered.

“Finally, you answered! My ghad, Claire, I’ve been calling you since last night, hindi kita makontak.” She exclaimed as soon as she answered my call. Her voice was a little frantic and I can sense she’s nervous. I know it’s bad news.

“Bakit? May nangyari ba? What happened, Kate?” I asked her. Kinakabahan ako sa magiging sagot niya. I shouldn’t have turned off my phone!

“Si mommy okay lang ba siya? Si dad?” Sunod-sunod ang mga katanungan ko, hindi ako mapakali.

“Your mom and dad’s fine, Claire. This is about Niu.” Seryoso na ngayon ang boses niya. Gone was the nervousness of her voice.

“Why? What happened to him? He’s okay, right?” I asked nervously.

“Mas mabuting umuwi ka muna dito, Claire,” aniya sa kabilang linya. Mas lalo akong natakot sa sinabi niya.

What if something happened to Niu? Did he meet an accident? Oh my, God! Huwag naman sana. I may not love him, but I cared about him. Truely.

“Just say it, Kate. Ano ba ang nagyari? You’re killing me! Sabihin mo na lang sa akin, please!” I begged her. Hindi rin naman ako mapapalagay kapag pinalipas niya pa ‘to.

Matagal bago siya sumagot sa kabilang linya. It was like she’s contemplating whether she’ll tell me or not. Bumuntong hininga muna siya bago sumagot sa akin.

“Bumalik ka muna dito, please,” she sounded defeated.

“Kate!”

“He’s having an affair, Claire. I’m so sorry, Claire but Niu is cheating on you and it’s all over the internet. It was a blind item, Claire. He was with a woman in a resort last month. Ang nakakatawa lang ay nakalantad iyong mukha niya samantala iyong sa babae ay naka-blur.” Paliwanag niya sa kabilang linya.

Para akong nanigas sa sinabi niya. For a moment my mind won’t process everything she told me. Thinking about Niu cheating on me poked something inside my chest. What’s this? Early karma present? Is this the consequence I have to suffer? Ito na ba iyon?

“What?”

“Claire, I’m so sorry,” naiiyak niyang saad.

“Sigurado ka bang siya iyon? Baka naman hindi siya iyon,” depensa ko sa asawa. There’s no way na magagawa ni Niu iyon. He’s a good man.

“I’ve seen the pictures, Claire. It was him, and according to the post on the internet, he was with a famous actress. I’m so sorry, Claire. I hate to tell you this but Niu is a cheater. You know how I hate men who cheated on their partners,” she said firmly. Her voice was laced with anger and disgust.

Nanlumo akong napahawak sa armrest ng rocking chair. Nawalan ng lakas ang katawan ko sa ibinalita niya. I clutched the fabric of my shirt, bakit nasasaktan ako? I’m sure I don’t love him but why does it felt like my heart was being ripped? Hindi ko namalayan na tumutulo na pala ang mga luha ko. It really hurts, big time.

Did Niu really do that? Did he really cheat on me?

“And by the way, Sebastian’s coming. He’s getting you out of there. Anumang oras ngayon ay siguradong matutunton ka ng taga-media, they’ll feast on you.”