My Name Is Isabella

I am not one to revel in the memories of my childhood. All I ever longed for was adulthood. I never got the comforts a child receives, a  loving home, the warmth a mother provides. I don't blame my parents really, they didn't know any better. My parents simply raised me the way they had been raised for generations before them. As I tossed and turned in bed sweat trickling down my skin, frustration tensing through my body. I tried to suppress my irritation so that Maggie wouldn't wake up and feel the same heat. "Bells," my sister said my name quietly, probably also assuming I was asleep to avoid the discomfort in our room. "Mom forgot to pay the bills again." It wasn't a question, and we both already knew the answer. I took in a deep breath and exhaled out as calmly as I could. "Stay here, ill go look for mom." I walked out of our room which directly mirrored our mothers. I stared at the door for several minutes before I finally decided to knock. " Just deal with her for Maggie's sake" chanting in my head over and over. I was about to turn and go back to my room when the door swung open standing hunched over with an annoying smirk John, my mother's boyfriend this week crept his gaze along my body, lingering too long in all the areas he shouldn't. "I need to speak to my mother." I tried my best to talk with confidence and ignore his arrogant aura. The smell of smoke and s*x stung my nose and throat. The lack of air conditioning becoming even more obvious. Finally, John broke his gaze from me, With a heavy sigh, he aggressively turned on his heels slamming the door in my face. Seconds later my mom cracked the door open. Narrowing her eyes on me with nothing but a hollow and empty gaze she finally talked. "What the hell do you want?" Or at least that what I gathered she was trying to say, her words barely audible from the slurring and mumbling I all but expect now. Then I noticed her pupils, I didn't know her drug of choice nor do I care. We had an unspoken deal. As long we both keep our bills paid we don't exist to the other, but she seems to not keep her end of the deal more and more sense moving. I could blame the new man she keeps around but in truth, she finds a high just as well without anyone's help. It was the only way she knows to live... I guess until it's the way she dies. "It's hot, did you pay the bill?" I coaxed my words like I was talking to a small child. A few moments of silence between us passed when I noticed the crease between her brows getting deeper. Finally, she stepped out from behind the door, closing it behind her. " I wanted to talk to you, see I don't have the money right now." She slowly mumbles trying to make sure I understand how much she is buttering up to me. Taking in another deep breath of stale air I grit my teeth to keep myself from yelling. " I gave you $200 last week for the electric bill, but it looks to me like you spent MY money for your pleasure instead" Her lips pressed into a tight line and she roughly grabbed my shoulders. She scoffed " you already 18, the hell do you stick around my house, if you don't like it get out!" I didn't allow myself to feel pity or pain. I stood tall, shaking my mother's hands off my shoulders. If I leave Maggie will have no one to protect her. " You know I can't leave you." I lie using my sugar-coated voice again. "I can't leave you alone with her I don't trust you." "Go to hell" she mumbles under her breath. s**t, I said it out loud. I knew what was coming but my mind and body didn't sync. I didn't have time to brace myself before her hand made a loud pop against my cheek. The familiar sting felt like menthol on my skin against the heat of the apartment. I raised my head to meet her bloodshot eyes, but nothing looked back at me the lack of emotions present in her glazed stare. I already knew she wouldn't feel remorse, but to not even see anger or surprise pulled on my heart like a heavyweight. "MOM!" I heard Maggie scream. I quickly turned on my heels forcing a smile to hide the water pulling at the corner of my eyes. "Maggie why don't we go to dinner, my treat." I quickly grab her hand walking to the door before Maggie or my Mother had a chance to protest. I grabbed my wallet off the counter and heard my mother and John starting to argue before I shut the door. We both walked with our heads down to the bus stop trying not to disturb each other's thoughts. When the familiar dark glass and bench appeared I looked over at Maggie who was gazing so deeply at me as if she was trying to read my mind. " You know I'm stronger than that, it doesn't hurt," I whisper. As I sat on the bench I looked over to Maggie who was swaying with her fist clenched. "You ok?" I try to hide how alarmed I am. Before she can respond blood starts dripping from her nose. I spring to my feet and grab her face on both sides. Maggie opens her mouth to talk but closes it again, shutting her eyes tight and grabbing on to my arms to gain balance. " Hospital" she whispered. I swing her over my shoulder as delicately as I could manage and run back to our apartment.  "Mother we need the car," I screamed fumbling through the drawers for the keys. I turn my attention to her room after not finding the keys in the kitchen. "For a nose bleed." John scoffs out at me. He still has the same annoying smirk. "It's probably just the heat, she fine." My mother still slurring her words leans in the door frame. I turn my attention to Maggie again. I had been so busy with work I hadn't even noticed how rough she had looked. She lost most of the color in her cheeks and was covered in bruises of all ages. She seemed to be sweating even more sense our walk to the bus stop. I walk over to where I laid my sister down. "She's sick, we are going," I say calmly while my fist and eyes grasp tightly onto nothing. Somethings wrong, my instincts are screaming for wasting time here. "Go get her in the car, you'll have to admit her as her legal guardian." There is no chance she will go and I don't have the energy to force her, I need to focus on getting Maggie to the hospital. " I'll take care of the electric bill if you come." I throw in to avoid wasting any more time arguing. Once my mother takes Maggie out to the car, I rush into her room and find the keys on her dresser. I grab them quickly and start towards the car when John makes a thumping sound with his feet, and clicks on the T.V as if he's bored with the show in front of him. I don't have time gritting my teeth. When I get out to the car I see Maggie already passed out in the back. At least mother knows she can't drive, that's one less fight. "I'm not high, I just had too many mimosas at brunch." Her words slip out almost as if she feels guilty. I don't care. "Why don't we just keep quiet, Maggies asleep," I spit my words full of venom. I gripping the wheel tightly and pressed the gas pedal down trying to race with time. My mother used the rest of the ride to play on her phone, and remain uninterested in her daughter passed out and covered in blood. After filling out all the forms, and handing them to my mother to sign Maggie finally got into a room. When the nurse closed the door Mother stood up. " John wants dinner, don't forget to have the electricity turned back on tonight. When Maggie gets better she will need to come home to a cool house." Just like that she casually walked out the door not even knowing the extent of Maggie's illness. I should feel disappointed but I just don't have the energy. I never expected anything motherly from her, why start now. I break free from my thoughts when I feel someone grabbing my hand. "Maggie" my voice cracked. "She isn't a bad person Bells, if something happens to me, promise me you'll take care of her...Just like you take care of me. We are both sick, you can't forget about her." Maggie's pleas lead to soft whimpers. Narrowing my eyes at her I sit on the hospital bed. " Maggie shhh, nothing bad will happen to you because she still needs you." I try to comfort my sister bringing her head to my chest, brushing through her hair with my fingers. "You are not dying, you can't talk like you are. You have to help me get her sober. Don't say silly things." My words sound like I'm trying to persuade the world that she can't go, I can't be alone. I can feel my shirt starting to soak from her tears "You are not dying." I whisper one more time. One more desperate plea to the fates. Then my tears start to trickle down my cheeks as if answering my dark thoughts. The door shutting and footsteps pulled me out of my desperate attempt to sleep. The doctor was unreadable, a light smile on his clean-shaven face. He smelled clean like fresh laundry it was a nice change to the cigarettes and stale air at home. He's the same doctor that kicked me out when they decided to run more test and scans on Maggie. They put us in a permanent room for the night but I haven't slept yet. "I would like to talk to you Isabella if you could step out." The now-familiar man asks. I nod towards my sleeping sister and get out of the chair, ignoring my aching muscles. "There is no way to put this delicately, Maggie has Leukemia, its advanced, and treatment options are slim-"no no no no, I dropped down and brought my knees up to my face not allowing him to finish his sentence. Tears started pouring from my eyes as if a pipe had broken inside of me. Maggie has cancer.