Mixed emotions
1011 Words
(Christian)
We headed inside, Dad and Pops each carrying a handful of bags. I trailed behind them, lost in thought.
As much as I appreciated Pops taking me out today, it didn't change the fact that I still felt like I didn't belong here. Like I was an outsider looking in, no matter how much everyone tried to convince me otherwise.
I knew they meant well, but it was hard to get rid of the feeling that I was missing something. That I wasn't whole.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I didn't want to bring the mood down, so I passed on a smile and followed them into the kitchen.
Matt was there, rummaging through the fridge. He glanced up when we came in, grinning when he saw the bags.
"Ooh, snacks!" He said, rubbing his hands together.
Pops laughed, holding up a hand. "Ah ah, not until everything's put away."
Matt pouted but didn't argue, leaning against the counter and watching as we unpacked.
I grabbed a bag of chips, tossing them to him. He caught them easily, grinning. "Thanks, Christian."
I rolled my eyes, but I was smiling. It was hard not to smile around Matt. He had this infectious energy that seemed to lighten the mood no matter what.
Pops and Dad finished putting everything away, and soon we were all sitting around the kitchen table, snacking on chips and chatting.
It felt good, being here with them. Like I was part of something, even if I didn't fully understand it.
But as the conversation turned to pack business, I found myself tuning out, my mind wandering.
I stood up abruptly, mumbling something about being tired. Dad frowned, concern etched on his face. "You okay, pup?"
I nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, just... tired. I'm gonna go lay down for a bit."
Pops and Dad exchanged a look, but they didn't stop me as I left the kitchen and headed upstairs.
I didn't go to my room, though. Instead, I found myself drawn to the back porch, needing some fresh air.
The night was cool, the stars bright in the sky. I leaned against the railing, breathing in the crisp mountain air.
I don't know how long I stood there, lost in thought before I heard the door slide open behind me.
I turned, expecting to see Dad or Pops, but it was Greyson who stepped out onto the porch.
He hesitated when he saw me, looking unsure. "Hey, I didn't know you were out here."
I shrugged, turning back to the railing. "Needed some air."
He nodded, coming to stand beside me. "Mind if I join you?"
I hesitated, then shrugged again. "Guess not."
We stood in silence for a while, staring out at the stars. I could feel his gaze on me, but he didn't push, didn't pry.
Eventually, he spoke. "I know this is hard for you, Christian. Being here, being around us... it's a lot."
I glanced at him, surprised by his insight. He smiled softly. "I may not be able to read your mind, but I can tell when you're struggling. We all can."
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "It's not that I don't want to be here. It's just... I don't know if I fit."
Greyson stepped closer, his voice soft. "You fit more than you think, Christian."
I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. There was something there that I couldn't quite place, but it drew me in. "What's that supposed to mean?"
He leaned in, his breath ghosting over my lips. "It means I think you're more of a part of this pack than you realize. And I think you're starting to realize it, too."
My heart started pounding, and I swallowed hard. This was... this was not what I expected. But it also wasn't entirely unwelcome.
Before I could process what was happening, Greyson's lips met mine in a heated kiss. It was nothing like the chaste kisses we'd shared before. This was hungry, needy, desperate.
I gasped, surprised, but I didn't pull away. Instead, I found myself kissing him back, my body responding instinctively.
Greyson's arms wrapped around me, pulling me flush against him. I could feel every inch of his body pressed against mine, and it sent a rush of heat through me.
He tilted his head, deepening the kiss. Our tongues tangled, and I moaned into his mouth.
I couldn't believe this was happening. It felt so right, though. Like we'd been doing this for years instead of minutes.
But as much as I wanted to stay in this moment, something inside me screamed to run. To get away from this intensity, from this feeling of being overwhelmed.
I pulled back, panting, and Greyson let me go immediately. I stumbled away from him, my hand flying to my lips.
"Christian," he started, but I cut him off.
"I-I have to go." I didn't look at him as I turned and ran inside, not stopping until I was curled up on my bed, my heart racing.
I didn't know what had just happened out there, but it was intense. And scary. And exciting. And... and I didn't know how to deal with it.
I needed to calm down, to think this through. But all I could think about was Greyson's lips on mine, his body pressed against mine, the way he made me feel like I was on fire.
I groaned, rubbing my face. Why did this have to be so hard?
I have been kissing Greyson a lot but what about Mason and Jaxon? Did they expect the same from me? Was I selfish to kiss Greyson knowing that they were also my mates?
I didn't know what to think about this anymore. I'm just happy that I'm leaving soon because this is so confusing.
Yes, I should accept them and move on. Accept who I am and trust the goddess to find the right path for me.
But how could I do that when I felt so lost?
- Writer
