Not like them
1114 Words
(Christian)
I didn’t move right away; I just stood there staring into the woods as Dad’s voice remained in my mind.
“But we’ll wait for you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
He meant well. I knew that. But it didn’t make me feel any better. The knot in my chest tightened as if every word he said was pressing down on me. I wasn’t sure if I believed him.
It felt like no one understood—not Dad, not Pop, not Jaxon, Mason, or Greyson. They all tried, but none of them got it. They had their wolves, their strength, their purpose. I had nothing.
I wiped my face roughly, hating the wetness on my cheeks. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to feel weak. But it was all too much. The pressure of waiting, of hoping, of pretending I wasn’t scared out of my mind.
I turned away from the sound of Dad’s footsteps retreating. He must have realized I wasn’t coming back with him, at least not right now. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I couldn’t go back. Not yet.
The woods were quiet; the only sound was the crunch of leaves under my feet as I walked. I didn’t have a destination in mind. I just needed to keep moving, to get away from the house, the pack, the expectations.
Eventually, I found myself at the edge of the pack’s territory. I hadn’t been out this far in a while, not since I was younger, and used to wander just to see how far I could go before someone came looking for me. Back then, I’d thought I was invincible. Now, I just felt lost.
That’s when I saw it.
A small cabin stood nestled between the trees, almost hidden by the shadows of the forest. It wasn’t much—just a single-story structure with a slanted roof and a porch that looked like it might collapse if someone sneezed too hard.
I didn’t know who it belonged to if it even belonged to anyone anymore. But it looked empty, and that was all I cared about.
My legs carried me toward it before I could think twice. The door creaked when I pushed it open, the sound loud in the silence.
The inside was just as simple as the outside—a single room with a cot, a small table, and a chair. Dust coated everything, and the air smelled stale like no one had been here in years.
It was perfect.
I closed the door behind me and sank onto the cot. The mattress was lumpy, and the blanket looked like it hadn’t been washed in decades, but I didn’t care. For the first time in days, I felt like I could breathe.
No one would find me here, at least not right away. I could just… exist, without anyone watching me, waiting for me to be something I wasn’t.
I leaned back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. My mind raced with everything that had happened in the past week. The talk with Jaxon, Mason, and Greyson. The argument with Dad. The constant reminder that I didn’t have my wolf yet.
The triplets had been so patient with me, so understanding. They didn’t push, didn’t make me feel like I had to rush into anything. But no matter what they said, I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I wasn’t enough for them.
How could I be?
They were strong, confident, everything I wasn’t. They had their wolves. They knew who they were. I didn’t even know what I was.
My chest tightened again, and I ran a hand through my hair, tugging at it in frustration.
“What’s wrong with me?” I whispered into the empty room.
The words echoed back at me, mocking me.
I hated this. I hated feeling so out of control, so powerless. I hated the way everyone looked at me like they were waiting for me to figure it out, to finally get my wolf and be whole.
But what if it never happened? What if I was stuck like this forever?
The thought made my stomach churn. I couldn’t live like this, constantly waiting for something that might never come.
I needed to do something. Anything.
My gaze fell on the table in the corner of the room. It was covered in dust, but I could see faint scratches in the wood where someone had carved initials or shapes. Whoever had been here before had left their mark, like they wanted to be remembered.
I didn’t want to be forgotten, but right now, I didn’t feel like I deserved to be remembered either. I wasn’t anyone. Not yet.
I sighed and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. Thinking about what I could do, how I could fix this.
Could I train harder? Maybe push me until my wolf finally came out? Or was it something deeper, something I couldn’t control?
I didn’t know. And that scared me more than anything.
I thought about the triplets again, about the way they’d looked at me during our talk. They’d said they would wait for me, that they didn’t care how long it took.
But how long could I ask them to wait? How long before they realized I wasn’t worth it?
The knot in my chest tightened, and I clenched my fists, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill again.
I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore.
But I didn’t know how to stop.
I stayed like that for what felt like hours, sitting in the silence of the cabin, lost in my thoughts.
Eventually, the room grew colder, the sun dipping below the horizon and leaving the woods in darkness. I shivered, pulling the blanket from the cot around my shoulders.
It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep the chill at bay.
As the night wore on, my mind began to settle, the chaos of my thoughts giving way to a heavy, crushing exhaustion.
I lay down on the cot, staring up at the ceiling. The cabin was quiet; the only sound was the faint rustle of leaves outside.
For the first time in days, I felt like I could sleep.
I closed my eyes, the burden of everything pressing down on me like a heavy blanket.
I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. I didn’t know if I would ever get my wolf if I would ever feel whole.
But for now, in this moment, I was alone.
And maybe that was enough.
- Writer
