Always unwanted

1938 Words
Rain “You’re late.” Rose, my boss at the coffee shop, snaps as I rush to put on my apron. Snapping at me is nothing unusual where Rose is concerned. The woman finds any excuse to have a go at me and make me feel like sh.it on her shoe. “I’m sorry, Rose. It won’t happen again.” Apologizing is something I do at least fifteen times a day for some reason or other. Saying sorry is easier than being spit on or smacked around. “You said that last time.” I did, and I say it every time I’m late. But I’m only ever five minutes or less late for work. It doesn’t happen often, possibly four times, since I started working here six months ago. But when Mark acts up, it takes me a while to settle him. I don’t know what people expect me to do, but I can’t just leave my son crying. I’m not the kind of mother who can walk away from their child when he’s begging me not to leave him. So, I won’t leave him until I convince him that I’ll be back for him soon. Leaving him to cry is what people at his playgroup often tell me. But I can’t and won’t do it. I would rather lose everything for one smile from my baby than have everything and leave my baby wondering why I don’t care enough to soothe his tears. “I’m sorry, Mark was being difficult.” Rose, a tall woman with a vile temper and attitude, rolls her eyes while scoffing. “Perhaps you should have thought about that before you opened your legs for a man who wasn’t your mate. You wouldn’t have ended up with such a little brat if you’d done that!” I want to scream at Rose and tell her to mind her own business. Just because my mate isn’t here, it doesn’t mean I don’t have one or that he isn’t Mark’s father! But how can she or anyone else believe otherwise when I’ve never corrected them? If I tried, I’d be mocked as the woman who found her mate and thought her life would change, only to have him walk away after one night of passion. I would never live it down, and the people of this pack would have another reason to laugh at me. I would rather be known as the wh.ore who got pregnant by a passing stranger than a woman unwanted by her mate. But regardless, how dare Rose talk about my baby like that? How can she not see how much it hurts me when she says such things? But I don’t say anything because I can’t afford to lose this job. No one else will hire me, and if I lose this job, I won’t be able to support my son. Mark is all I care about in this world. I don’t care about the mate who walked away from me after getting what he wanted. I don’t care about having any family. All I care about is making sure my little boy is happy. Mark and I have little to nothing to call our own. We only had a house to live in because my step-uncle allowed me to stay after he left. I lost my job at Sands Bar a week after my mate rejected me. The owner said pregnant sl.uts shouldn’t be working in bars, so he fired me. I ended up cleaning the pack house for Luna to earn a little money to buy my baby the things he would need. Of course, I didn’t tell Luna why I needed the job so badly. Her daughter, my only friend, Alessia, put in a good word for me, which was enough for Luna. But that job came to an end when I gave birth to Mark. I couldn’t work and take care of Mark, so Luna gave the position to someone else. Thank the Moon Goddess, I had enough money saved to take care of us for three months after Mark’s birth. After that, it was one short-term job after another. I’m never going to get out of this hell hole! Three hours later, the breakfast rush is finally over. I’m already dead on my feet! I barely got any sleep last night because Mark wouldn’t settle no matter what I did. He’s at the age where he keeps asking why he doesn’t have a daddy like the kids at playgroup. Trying to explain to a three-year-old why their father is not here is not an easy task. I can’t tell Mark the truth of how his father walked away from us, and I never went looking for him; he’d hate me. It wasn’t my fault, but I never went looking for my mate, either. I didn’t know where to look. Blaze never told me what pack he belonged to nor where in the country he came from. Not that I asked Blaze much of anything important that night. Mark doesn’t understand things like that right now, but what three-year-old does? I’m thankful for that right now, but there will come a day when Mark will want to know the truth. I don’t know what I’m going to tell the boy, but I’ll have to think of something. The bell above the door alerts me to a customer, meaning I won’t get to sit down as I’d hoped. But I smile when I see Alessia striding over. Alessa is my only friend here at Shadow Pack. She’s also the youngest of Alpha and Luna Samuel’s children. Alessa and I met in school after I came here to live with my step-uncle when I was ten. We became friends, but not the type to visit each other’s houses, even if we wanted to. My step-uncle didn’t believe I would be welcome at the packhouse, so I was never allowed to go there. Even though I worked at the packhouse for a few months, I don’t know Alessia’s siblings personally. I’ve seen them around over the years, of course, but never to talk to, and I only met the Alpha a handful of times while working there. Goddess, my life is pathetic! I remember Corey and Caden, Alessia’s older brothers, from school. They were two years above Alessia and me, and I never spoke to them, probably because they acted as if I didn’t exist. Nobody wants to be friends with someone like me. I lost Alessia for a while a few years ago. A crazed Fairy kidnaped her, and I didn’t know what to do without her. I guess that’s why I ended up with Mark’s father; even though I knew he was my mate, he never said as such. It was as though he didn’t know, which didn’t make sense, or he didn’t care. Perhaps he was too embarrassed. Maybe he’d heard the stories of the freak that is me. I’m pretty in my own right, and it’s not like men hadn’t propositioned me before. I’d never said yes to anyone before that night. Either way, I ended up in bed with him, a stranger, something I had never done before. But I was lonely, scared, and emotional and did something I never thought I would. But it felt right because Blaze was my mate. Why wasn’t I good enough for him? It’s been three years, and it still hurts as if it happened yesterday. Alessia was only gone for a while before she found her way home. She’d met her mate in captivity. Strangely, he’s the son of the man who took Alessia. She was also pregnant when she returned; we carried our babies together. Alessia’s son, Alex, is just a week older than my Mark, and they’re the best of friends. “Hey, babe.” Alessia gives me a big smile, and I envy her beauty. It’s stupid, really, but Alessia is everything I’m not. She’s five-eight with a model’s physique, long dark hair, and beautiful big brown eyes. I’m a pathetic five-foot, curvy, brown-haired, blue-eyed, half-human. Basically, I am everything the people of this pack despise. The half-human part is what makes me a freak in their eyes. They don’t know about the other half of me because I don’t. I’m not a Wolf; that much became apparent when I didn’t shift into one when I reached eighteen. But then, I’ve never shifted into anything, so maybe I’m part Elf or Fairy or something. I guess I’ll never know. Because I don’t shift is why everyone believes I’m human. People see me on the street, and they avoid me. Even serving them coffee has most of them snarling at me. Not to mention a few people refuse to let me serve them. I’m not even half-wolf, so I shouldn’t be here by rights. I wish they knew what it felt like to be put down constantly, looked down upon, and shunned. I work in a coffee shop because no one would hire me anywhere else. Any job I managed to land in the past, I was fired within a week. Rose gave me a chance because I begged, and she only gave me the job if I hid in the back when she told me to. I guess that meant some of her customers didn’t want to see the freak, even if they knew I worked there. How else am I supposed to earn money to feed my son without a job? I’m not above begging, though it doesn’t always matter. Not everyone would even give me a second look, never mind a job. No one wants to know the half-human single mother. I can take care of myself. But when they look down on my baby? It hurts like hell! “Hi. How’re things?” “Good. Just wanted to grab a latte before we head out.” “Oh. Are you going somewhere?” Not that Alessia needs to tell me her plans; it’s not like we see each other all the time. Since she mated with Mitchell, I rarely see my only friend. “Yeah.” Alessia smiles apologetically. “It was only decided this morning, which is the real reason I popped in. I didn’t want you to think I’d run off and not said anything.” I know she wouldn’t. “Going somewhere nice?” “Mitchell and I are taking Alex to visit my sister Angel and her mate. It will be good for Alex to spend some time with his cousins. How about you? Any plans for the weekend?” I smile slightly. With Alessia gone, I have no one on my side. Not that I run to my friend every time someone says something vile to me. If I did that, I’d never be away from her. However, I’m not about to put my troubles on anyone. I’ve been taking care of myself for a very long time. “I have the weekend off, so I’m thinking of taking Mark camping in the forest. I know we won’t be going far, but it’s something.” Alessia smiles while I make her a to-go latte. “Sounds like fun, babe. Mark will love it, all that fresh air.” “That’s my hope.” I hand Alessia her latte and change. “You have fun with your sister. I’ll see you when you get back?” “Of course. We’ll catch up as soon as I’m home. Love you, babe!” She calls as she walks out the door. “Love ya,” I mumble.
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