Old wounds
1134 Words
(Kendall)
I was shocked when Jaxon agreed to my proposition without questioning it too much. When I asked him why, he told me that he knew what I went through when I got injured so he understood why I needed the revenge.
He also said that he wished that he could have helped, but because he attended another college and he was Chase's enemy, he didn't want to make things worse for me, and that's why he didn't step in.
I don't blame him, but somehow he blames himself. I could see how guilty he looked while we talked about our expectations. He wanted to help me when he heard that I was being bullied, but he couldn't and that left him frustrated.
When he brought me home, there was this look in his eyes that told me that I didn't have to worry anymore. That Chase was going to be sorry for hurting me.
At least I had someone on my side now that will make this easier to handle.
I started thinking about what happened to me before. How stupid I was to allow them to hurt me like that. I just wanted someone to like me and Chase was the only guy to approach me.
I thought that it would actually work out for the two of us.
I went to that party, hoping that I could get a chance to know him better. To confess to him that I liked him and wanted to start a relationship with him.
But it wasn't what I expected. Zoe told me that if it was her, she would have found a way to let it go and move on. Not me. I wanted to show Chase and everyone else who humiliated me that night that I wasn't someone you could just bully and get away with it.
They are the reasons why I lost my scholarship, the university's reputation was more important than my feelings. They should have done something about the bullying, but they chose the easiest route and that was to get rid of me.
Chase doesn't deserve to go on and still play. He doesn't deserve to be in the NHL. He doesn't deserve any of it. If I didn't, then there's no way in hell I am going to watch him celebrate while I'm being kicked down like a dog on the side of the road.
I didn't intend on letting this go, not until I could finally be free of the darkness that took over my mind while I was away for three years.
**Zoe came home later that night, and she asked me a couple of questions about the date, I told her what happened.
Tomorrow Jaxon and I will have to work hard on convincing everyone that we were a couple.
By now Chase must realize that it was me he was talking to. I spoke to Coach Miller when I was there to talk to Jaxon. I told him everything, about what took place and the reason why I was away.
He was shocked because he didn't know that Chase had done that. He just knew that I left. The good thing about it is that he supported my decision to come back and take care of things my way.
I was nineteen years old, a girl with a stupid crush that landed me in a heap of mess.
I was also grateful that they showed me their true colors, because if they didn't, I would still be unhealthy, and that wasn't good for me.
Mentally, I was barely holding on back then. I was tired all the time, anxious, scared. I’d lost all the confidence I ever had, and I hated myself for letting them break me. Coming back here, it’s not easy. Every hallway feels like a memory waiting to drag me under. But I know I’m stronger now. I’ve lived with the pain, and I’ve learned how to carry it.
Still, part of me wishes I didn’t have to come back at all. That justice had been served back then. That someone, anyone, had stood up for me. But that didn’t happen. And maybe that’s why I can’t let it go. Maybe that’s why I need to do this. Because someone has to hold him accountable, even if it’s just me.
I wonder if Chase sleeps well at night. If he even remembers what he did. Or if I was just another girl he used and tossed aside like I didn’t matter. He probably thought I’d disappear and stay gone forever. That’s what they all thought. But I’m still here. Maybe a little more guarded, maybe a little colder, but I’m here.
And I’m not afraid anymore.
Jaxon. He makes things a little easier. Being around him doesn’t make me tense up. I don’t feel like I have to watch my words or hide how I feel.
He listens. And when he looks at me, I don’t see pity. I see anger for me. I see someone who actually cares.
Part of me is scared about faking this relationship, though. Not because I think we’ll mess it up, but because I don’t want to get confused.
I can’t afford to get attached, not when everything we’re doing is built on a lie. I need to keep my head straight. This is about justice, not feelings.
But still, he’s been kind. Patient. And that's something that I have always wanted.
I keep telling myself it’s just pretend. Once this is over, we’ll go our separate ways.
But something about the way he looks at me sometimes, it makes me wonder. Does he feel it too?
No. I can’t go there. Not yet.
Tomorrow’s a big day. We have to sell this lie. Be convincing. Be close. Be a couple. I don’t know how I’m supposed to fake smiles around people who once laughed at my pain. But I will. I have to.
Coach Miller believed me. That meant something. For so long I thought everyone turned their back on me, but hearing him say he didn’t know and that he was sorry, it helped a little.
I’m not saying it fixed everything, but it gave me some peace. Maybe not everyone was against me. Maybe I wasn’t as alone as I thought.
I wish I could go back and tell that scared nineteen year old girl that it wasn’t her fault. That she didn’t deserve what happened.
That she was brave for surviving it. I don’t think she would’ve believed me then. But maybe she would now.
Because I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve changed. I’m still healing, but I’m not broken. Not completely. And I won’t stop until Chase knows that.
He took so much from me.
But I’m taking something back.
- Writer
