Frozen Memories

Starting Off On The Wrong Foot

“Miss Frost?” he called once again.

    Now out of my reverie, I looked at him timidly. I didn’t want to show him the unnerving gaze that I feared was the reasoning behind his complete lack of eye contact. This wasn’t something that I was just realizing. He seemed this way throughout our entire ride. Even the nurse Lisa Jones and Dr. Byrne didn’t seem this unnerved. This coupled with the fear of this fast approaching new life that I’d have to live, made my anxiety spike.

    I finally exited the car, following him to the large brown door. He pressed a small button next to the closed entrance, sounding a large ring. When the door finally opened, there stood a woman looking stoically and very unmoved by either of our presence.

    The older woman’s glance, while just that-a short lived gesture of acknowledgement, was intimidating to say the least. Or at least that was how I thought I should feel concerning her look. Oddly enough, I wasn’t intimidated at all.

    This rather large woman allowed a curt and very small, barely noticeable smile before she returned her attention back to the man standing next to me. She moved to the side to allow us entrance.

    “Detective Rover.” She greeted the officer. “Come in and have a seat.” She said, barely acknowledging my presence.

    Guilt struck a small part of me when I realized that I never even bothered to learn this man’s name in all of the while that we’d been in one another’s company.

    I started after Detective Rover and the elderly woman, but stopped when I suddenly felt the urge to take in the magnitude of the place.

    The walls were an unusual white; though, I held the feeling that the color was only the result of worn time. Nevertheless, it adjusted well with the place. My feet led me past a stairwell and down the creaking hardwood floor. Peeking through every open room, I saw that there were numerous unorthodox colors matching up with one another in each area. And while I would not have chosen such shades to correlate one another, it still seemed to work. I started past the stairs when I noticed from my peripheral, a shadow abruptly retreat.

    As I entered the area, they both stared at me. “Miss Frost.” Detective Rover spoke. “This is Mrs. Falton.” I nodded, second guessing a smile, concluding that she would not oblige me with one. “She will most likely be your indefinite guardian, assuming we cannot find your family.”

    Maybe it was just me, but his words felt like just a formality. I blame this assumption as the reason behind, what could have been considered an obnoxious scoff.

    “Something amusing, Miss Frost?” the cold tone emanating from Mrs. Falton was evident that she had taken my gesture to offense. I didn’t know this woman fully, and I could already guarantee that she truly did not care about whether anything was the matter or not concerning me.

    “I mean no offense to you Mrs. Falton. Nor, do I mean to cause unrest in you, detective.” I said, feeling my need to clarify my gesture. “I only question whether I have family in the first place, considering the condition in which I was found.” I sighed. “I fear I have come to terms with certain a fact, Mrs. Falton.” I looked at the detective. “I do not have a family detective. I would feel guilty at the idea of you wasting your precious time in an attempt to locate one.”

    My brazen words hovered in the air for a silent moment. The detective seemed sympathetic; something I did not expect; while Mrs. Falton, however, seemed still quite uncaring. Neither reaction really affected me.

    “Very well.” Mrs. Falton replied as she stood from her seat. “Powers!” she yelled past me, her voice echoing throughout the house. Confusion sat in for a moment as I wondered what or whom she was calling at. I started to speak when I heard someone approaching from behind. Abruptly, I moved out of the way to let the slim ginger haired girl walk past me. “Take her to her room.” The girl nodded and looked at me, when out of reflexive motion, I swiftly turn away from her.

    Being new to this era, let alone this place, I was not completely sure of how my full appearance would be taken. Dr. Byrne was surprised when she saw, but she was of course a professional and Lisa Jones was seemingly frenetic when she saw me at first. Yes, she eventually seemed to get past it, but even past that point of comfort toward me, she would have had to be cautioned before I could even look her way. Though, as I said before, even she wasn’t as bad as the detective seemed to be.

    Now my surroundings were completely different and I had the distinct feeling that this group of people were not as accepting. Neither did they feel an obligation to be accepting of me.

“Come on.” The girl said with low content. I started to follow her when I remembered to grab the small amount of clothing I had in my large bag. I quickly picked it up and caught up with the girl known as Powers.

    When she reached the second set of stairs I noticed her glance back at me. She was not close enough to see my full defective eyes. We finally came to a stop at the end of the hall where she opened a door. When she opened the door, I didn’t follow right away so she looked.

    “Well. what are you waiting for?” She said. “A grand introduction? Come on.”

    Reluctantly, I followed, after I was introduced to what I assumed Lisa warned me to be sarcasm. The room was darker than I was accustomed too, after coming from the hospital. However, it still seemed nice enough considering the age the building wore.

    “Lucky you-Johnson is your roomie.”

    “Roomie?” the term was new to me. Though, apparently, my inquiry did not register with her in the manner that I meant.

“What? You thought you had a room to yourself princess? Too good to share a room?”

    Averting my gaze, I answered her. “Of course not.”

 I wasn’t accustomed to a rooming mate and if I were being honest, I didn’t necessarily want one. However, it wasn’t for the reason that I was sure this girl assumed. In fact, I would not have been completely against a rooming mate had I felt I were on the same mental page as everyone else.

“You scared of me or something?” she said, taking another gesture of mine differently than I intended.

    The question was outlandish as far as I was concerned. I’d been through entirely too much to be considered afraid of some random youth. However, being in this-such unfamiliar territory, I decided to be unproblematic; something I noticed was unintentionally starting to become a habit. I steadily just shook my head.

    “So what’s with the eye avoiding? Too good to look people in the eye?”

    I scoffed, walking past her. “No.” I muttered and sat on the empty bed that I assumed was mine, considering the fact that the other side of the room looked to be taken. I heard a grunt, and realized that her distance to me was closer than before. Seemed that this one was trying to be problematic.

    “Hmph, you know-you should probably watch the gestures you make around here.” She said in caution. “Everyone isn’t as passive aggressive. Most are just very aggressive. Some things can be taken the wrong way.” I heard her turning away. “Dinner’s at seven.” She informed before leaving me to my thoughts.

    As if I had been holding my breath for the longest, I exhaled harshly, taking the cellular device that was given to me by Dr. Byrne. Brushing my finger through the screen to unlock it, I thumbed through the two name list of Dr. Byrne and Lisa Jones. My finger stopped at Lisa; I knew that Dr. Byrne would more than likely readily take my call and give me sound assistance, but Lisa Jones seemed closer in age range to the young females that I had to adjust too. I felt inclined to talk to her first. I swiped her name as Dr. Byrne taught me before and the screen suddenly lit up. I placed the phone to my ear and waited as the loud ringing sounded through the other side of the phone.

    The phone rang incessantly, annoyance beginning to set in. I started to end the phone call when it finally picked up. “Hello? Hello, Lisa Jones?” I called out to the phone. “Lisa Jones, are you ther-”

    “You have reached Lisa Jones. Sorry, I must be busy! But if you leave your name and nu-” the long sentence of her clone machine was frustrating. I hung up the phone and placed it back in my pocket.

In that moment, it dawned on me that despite the assurance of always being there when I needed Lisa, it may not always be the case. I realized as I sat there that I may have had to go at it alone.  Yet, I wasn’t upset with Nurse Lisa Jones. She has had a life well before I arrived after all. Her not answering her phone brought that back to my remembrance.

    Two whole hours past and I had yet to move from the spot I was in; my comfort zone. Seven o’clock just rolled around and something as simple as dinner seemed a big step for me at this point.

    Because no one came in with a tray or even called me to eat, I expected that I should probably head down the stairs to where food was probably being served. Nevertheless, I couldn’t bring myself to get up from the bed.

    In the course of the two hours that I’d been sitting there in that one little spot, I realized that I’d become so comfortable in that spot, that moving the slightest half an inch would render me anxious and ill-fitting.

    “Hey, you coming or what?”

    Startled, I got up from my spot absentmindedly, immediately regretting the unconscious decision to move.  Oh well, I was up now, so I felt that I might as well see what the girl wanted.

    I hated to admit the embarrassment that I felt as I saw that the girl that called me was the same girl that left me in that spot two hours ago. She stood there at the arch of the door as I started, reluctantly, toward the exit of the room, my gaze still shifting slightly so that she would not fully acknowledge my odd appearance.

I could feel her eyes stuck to me. “I mean, do you like, have some kind of neck defect or something?”

    Incredulously, I began to look up at her when I thought better of it. After all, while I was not afraid of her nor did I know her well enough to put much stock in her judgement, I decided, still, that in revealing my eyes, it would, more than likely,  cause more disturbance. So yet again, I was less problematic.

“My neck, is fine.” I muttered. Still, I felt that either way, judging by her reaction, I was still being pegged difficult.

    She sucked her teeth and mumbled something unintelligible under her breath before she continued on to let me know what there was to eat.

    “We’re having pizza-the frozen kind.” She said as we made our way down the stairs. “The lady wants to see you before you go eat. She’s in the living room.”

    I watched ‘Powers’ walk away before I turned around and headed down the hallway to the large living area. With reluctance, I peeked through the entranceway to see whether I was entering the right room.

    “Come in.” the voice demanded, confirming that I was.

    I walked into the room, still reluctant. This woman’s presence was not one I considered pleasurable.  I stood there for a moment before she looked at me, wordlessly it seemed, telling me to sit down. Again, I did as I was wordlessly told..

    “What’s your name again?”

    Oddly enough, I had the feeling that she did not ask me this question because she didn’t remember more so than a sign lacking respect toward me. Especially considering the fact that she owned the establishment, and I would think it her duty to know the names of every young girl that entered this home. Then too, this woman was not the youngest I had seen, so there was a lingering chance that she may have simply forgotten.

    “Frost-Wilhelmina.” I finally respond.” Or at least that is the name that I have grown to know.”

    Her mindset apparently veering off of the subject as she so brazenly inquired of me. For a fleeting moment I found regret in looking into her eyes. I thought initially that I should show her such respect because of the fact that this was her home. But judging by her attitude, I feared I would have been better off avoiding her gaze as well.

    “I’m not sure.” Was the only answer I could give to her that is completely truthful.

    “Hmph.” She grunted as if my answer was not good enough. “Look-this is your home now but I don’t have any control over how the others treat you. You girls are nearly grown and if you can’t be mature enough to get along-” She shrugged. “Well that’s simply not my problem.”

    The only thing that I felt appropriate to do was nod my head in understanding, however strongly I disagreed. As if her words were unproblematic, Mrs. Falton continued on with her rules and regulations.

    “Dinner's at seven every evening. If you don’t want to eat, don’t come down; if you don’t want what’s being served then get a job and buy your own food.” She said in a near hiss. “And curfew is at 10. You come in any later-you will be punished.”

    The more she spoke, the heavier I began to feel of dread. This woman was revealing, each time she parted her lips, that she was not much of a compassionate or nice person. Still, I only continued to nod in agreement of her terms. After all, this was her house.

    “You start school at the end of the month. The psychiatrist will come in three times a week to figure out how well adjusted your head is, until then. You will meet in this room at 12pm for those sessions. You got that?”

    Her choice of words confused me. “Got what?”

    “Are you being smart with me?” she asked in a demanding sort of way. By the judge of her tone, I’d obviously offended her.

    “Well I jus-” I attempted to explain when she cut me off again.

    “Listen here, girl. The only thing I have to do for you, is provide a roof, water and food.” She shook her head vigorously. “I don’t owe you anything else. So don’t ask for anything. Do you understand me?”

    For a moment I sat there, simply taking in the woman that was said to be my guardian. I was slightly offended by her words because I had not one inclination as to where all of this hostility came from.  I was not afraid of this woman; I even momentarily thought that a good thump across the head would serve deserving in light of her hateful demeanor. Nevertheless, I found it more peaceful to digress and attempted to refrain from calamity.

    “Yes, ma’am.” I simply answered.

    “So-I trust you get the gist of what I am saying to you.” She said, not giving me the chance to reply to her before she spoke again. “Your first session starts tomorrow. Now go eat before the food is gone.” She demanded; her words evident that she didn’t really care whether I decided to eat or not.