The Antelope's Journey

4. Old daddy’s attention

It was midnight and the streets were quiet. It had just rained heavily when I saw a girl sitting on the pavement. Her arms wrapped over her knees. She looked distressed. “What was she doing there in this cold? Is this poverty?”

I sat at the back of my car. My driver played a very soft tune. He was aware of the road but he did seem drifted to his inner world. We were approaching and I could almost see her face if it wasn’t for her drenched bangs. She appeared much in thoughts.

SPLASH!

My driver had just wheeled over the pond of rain on the street all over her. “Hey, did you see what you just did?”

“Huh?” he was as a sloth. To this minute he was still turning back to look at me when addressing me.

“You poured—”

“What’s that you say?”

I had forgotten that his hearing was also going away, “Ow, forget it.” I looked back at the girl through the back glass, she seemed unbothered by our audacity. I felt bad, but we continued driving away.

She must’ve been homeless. I wanted to help her but I didn’t know how. Could I offer her a job as my cleaner? Oh, but she might be offended—I know, I would be. Do I just bring her food every day? But that’ll only cripple her. Do I give her money, instead? She’ll just spent it recklessly.

I don’t know anything about these people. The poor ones. I mean, there must be a good reason why they don’t go look for jobs. I don’t know anything about their situation. I was born rich.

Kali had arrived in his father’s house. He was hoping to find his father waiting to welcome him, but instead he walked into a nourished table with no-one there. He knew he was to eat alone again, like all his childhood. He grabbed a chair and sat. He stationed his napkin around his collar. He took hold of his utensils. He said his short prayer. And once again, he lost appetite. His stomach turned from the hurt and the disappointment. He remembered the old sensation of feeling irrelevant in his father’s life. His chest was hardening, he couldn’t fight off the tears in his eyes. Feeling ashamed, he quickly dried himself. He got up and set for bed.

I have a tradition of mine. I always wake up to look into the mirror for a few minutes and remind myself that “I am worth it. I am loved. I am capable. I am attractive.” This morning maybe, I will get to see my father but I am not betting my life on it. He’s always busy. And I am too grown for wanting ‘old daddy’s attention’.

Kali left the house after realising that his father was not there. Kali did not even have his breakfast; he went for a walk instead. He thought maybe, he should make friends with the people outside. As a kid, he was forbidden from going outside to play. His father was paranoid that he might get abducted for money. For that reason, he never made any friends. Not wanting to hurt all by himself in the confinement of his home, he opted to study abroad. There are many good universities in South Africa, and he knew that, but for his sanity it was best to go as far.

Unfortunately, his solitude had become his habit. He never even made any friends abroad either. He wasted his entire life being afraid and seeking approval such that he lost out on many things. This time, he decided he should take a leap. Kali was all brave that morning until he realised that everyone seemed too busy for him. People were rushing to working, putting up their shops and school kids were on their way to school. He remembered the girl from last night.

“Maybe, she’s still there. She’s the only one who could possibly be my friend.” He hopped back into his car—driver’s seat, “I mean, she has no job. No place. Maybe, I can pay her to be my friend.”

He found her still in the same spot. Asleep. He went back and forth. He was puzzling over what he’d say to her. How would he start? Would he look creepy if he went up with a smile? Would he come across grumpy if kept a straight face? He had to think back on the YouTube videos he’d watched in varsity.

“Did you sleep here?” she was awake. She was sitting up. She had turned to his voice. She appeared in her mid-20s, like himself. This made him even happier. She was very beautiful—he couldn’t deny her that. Even though she had dirt and was all messed up, she was still so very beautiful. He had bought a sandwich and he offered it to her. She only launched up and began gearing back home. He was only left sad. He knew he was not entitled to her interaction, but he was still slightly upset.

He decided to go along with his day. He wouldn’t want to go home that night. He was speculating that he would have diner by himself again. And if so, he would rather have his lonely diner in a hotel. A place that holds no memory at all for him. He slept there and would only return home the next morning. Maybe, his father might have come around.

I bet he was worried last night when he couldn’t find me in the house. We hadn’t seen each other for a while. I’d just come from the UK. Surely, he misses me.

Down the passage, Kali saw her again. He saw the girl from the streets. He was not mistaken that he could see her standing in his father’s home. And she was in his clothing. She was all washed up and appeared much more alive. She was lurking in the hidden, peering through to the living room. He hid well from her and watched her scramble her way out of the house.

What is she doing here?

The alarm system went off and the guards in the house went running towards her. He could not see what went down outside but after a while, he saw her being dragged back in. Some hours later, she was escorted to the basement.

I have always wondered what is in that basement. As a child, I’d tried many times to c***k the passcode. This time it was easier, it was like they had let their guard down. By night, I recreated the hand movements I saw the guard do earlier on the buttons and I was in. After two 2 decades of trying, I had finally entered the basement. At last, I’d learn what my father was busy on so much.

He found a perfect spot to hide. In one of the dustbins.