To Love and Avenge

Chapter 3

“Why with all those guards?" I asked in amazement. My dad sure is overreacting. And they are a bunch of overly reacting people. "I don't need a lot of those”, I continued in exasperation.

“You bet, but you knew your dad well, Ale." he paused and winked at me. "And you should know that there are a lot around.” he continued, and walked just right beside me.

I don't know whether he was serious or was just bluffing me, but one thing was sure, there were a few from different directions.

I was amused by the idea though a little bit annoyed, but I chose to shrug it off. What else could have changed? After that incident, they have become like this.

As we arrived at the mansion, there was my dad standing at the entrance with my brothers beside him.

“Woah!" I exclaimed cheerfully, "What a warm welcome dad, a complete set of gods has descended from their thrones just to welcome me, huh!’’ I joked.

“But, of course, we seldom see you since you're always away. A princess who chooses to be away from her kingdom.’’ Daven came to hug me first.

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him. I always love to act with him.

“Seems you enjoyed so much of your travels, eh? Care to share?” Allen said, pulling me into a hug too.

“Why not? But I guess later will do. I'm starving.’’ I said, just then my stomach produced a grumbling sound.

“Sure you are” and they all laughed. I walked to my dad who was still by the door, smiling at us. I kissed my dad’s cheek,

“Still cheeky as ever.”

"Of course, dad," I said, encircling my arm around his and leading him inside.

I know something's wrong. Even that phone call speaks for itself. As much as I like to ask him, I will just wait until he's ready to tell me.

In the dining room, Allen was telling me about his engagement continuously and the coming wedding excitedly, because I happened to be away during the engagement. He is engaged to be married to Sheila, my best friend.

I can only smile and nod to him, showing him how excited I am too.

I glanced in my dad's direction and caught him staring at me forever. I kicked Allen’s feet, then widened my eyes, signaling him to stop and look in dad’s direction. In the hope that he will understand what I am trying to tell him. But he just simply shrugged as if he didn't care a bit.

Seeing dad, who seemed to be at a loss in his thoughts, I called out, “Dad? What's the matter? Anything you want to tell us?’’ I asked politely to get his attention.

Thus, he blinked for a few times upon hearing me before smiling weirdly, and then, he said, “I want to have a word with you in the library after you eat. Excuse me." he then stood up and walked to his library.

I was left speechless.

What's wrong? Did I say something he didn't like?

I glanced at my brothers in confusion. As if I'm asking them if they knew? Daven looks bothered too. So, I can tell that he deliberately knew all about this. Then Allen averted his eyes as if hiding the truth from me.

What the F*ck is going on? I silently cursed.

I knew it, even on that call, behind his smiles and laughter. Something must have been wrong.

“What’s the matter?’’ my question is directed to Daven.

“I think it would be better if Dad would tell you himself,.’’ he said as he gently wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin.

“ Don't worry, we’ll be coming with you’’ Allen assured me. Then Daven eyed him.

“Allen, let them have a word first, we can't just bat in with them afterward.’’

"And why not? Why is that?’’

“Okay, (I sigh) Since you asked about that being in service that night, can you still remember? The one that dad strongly disagreed with, and you know very well why. So at the time, you said you wanted to study abroad, he felt happy, thinking that you had finally changed your mind.’’ He was looking at me intently while saying those words, piercing through my very soul.

I can't look him directly in his eyes due to my guilt, he then continued, “ for your first few years, he sent someone to go after you, to ensure your safety,’’ he laughed lamely. “ Then suddenly, after your graduation, you asked us not to have a party which dad understands, and the next thing we know, you’ll be out of the country, God only knows where, leaving us worried, you simply come and go-’’

“Excuse me, Miss Ale, your father asked you to come to his library,’’ she cut off another of Daven's words.

I nodded in agreement, I then stood up and walked away. There was a serious discussion then. It's the first time I’ve been called to his library just to talk about things. It's not necessary though, but seeing the temperament he has been holding on to, I'm starting to feel nervous. My father never scolded me, so I doubted it.

What's so important then? Lost in thought, I stopped at the door and heaved a sigh, before pushing it open.

In making my way in, silence meets me. I stop in the middle of the room for a while waiting for him to speak, but to my dismay, he stays still. Unable to contain the deafening silence, I coughed softly and...

“Dad?'' I said, breaking the silence,and urging him to speak.

“Ale, honey, take a seat. I know, it sounds strange to you that I called you here.” he paused and sighed. Debating whether to tell me or not.

“You’re making me nervous Dad, what is it at all about that should be discussed here? It seems to me like it was life and death issues,” I joked awkwardly.

“Sort of, I guess.” I laughed at him nervously. What is it this time?

“Don't prolong the suspense dad, you know it’s killing me”, walking toward the sofa, I took a seat without taking my eyes away from him, afraid that I might miss something.

“Have you enjoyed your trips?” he later said with his hands inside on either side of his pockets. I observed him intently. I know he is diverting from the topic, and that made me feel uneasy.

“You know it wasn’t just a trip, dad. That’s work”

“Of course, how can I forget? So, yeah” He answered simply, but it contained a lot of thoughts. So many unspeakable thoughts.

“So?” He sat just beside me and held my hands to his. I then looked at him straight into his eyes. A simple gesture, but it sends thousands of indescribable feelings. The warmth that it sends feels so comforting, but there’s a danger in it.

“One day, you’ll understand me,” he started as the sadness in his eyes surfaced.

So this is it. I thought.

“That was the exact word mom had told me before she died," I said.

Sadness was now felt everywhere. The room was cold, but now, it has dropped a few more degrees, which sends shivers to my bones, feeling cold all over.

Then, the memories came rushing in like a flowing stream.

“You still remember.” He indicated, leaning his back, he roamed his eyes across the room before he continued. “She fully entrusted you to me. I love her so much, that at everything she asks for, I wholeheartedly- you know, when you love someone, you will tend to forget the word no.” Seeing him reminisce about the memories he had with my mom.

“Mom was exceptional” I stated and smiled painfully.

"Ahem”. He coughed, clearing the lumps from his throat, he then continued, then shifted his eyes to me.

“It sure is." he paused.

"I guess you’re hiding something,” I asked directly. I don't want to be around the bush this time.

“It was for the good of all.”

“You can't expect me to stay still after this, right?"

“Of course, you won't be in that job if you do. '' he said emotionlessly. Hearing him say, I was caught off guard. Astounded by his words.

So this is where we are heading, but how did he know?

“Did I surprise you?” he said softly.

I didn't answer him directly. Instead, I asked with a furrowed brow.

“How did you know?"

“I have my ways, Ale, just like you have yours. Nothing similar to the ones with your mother's though.” I was taken aback by what he said.

Unable to speak. I realized that no matter what, he would eventually know. I almost forgot that he wasn't Alastair Alforque for nothing. He is my Dad, my mom’s husband. I should've known him better.

“I guess, but you understand me too, dad, right?” I tried to reason out.

“I already told you, it's not for you to do that.”

“It's me, dad. On me. I have been struggling for years, unable to surpass this nightmare-” he cut me by raising his palm.

“You think it's not ours too? Ale,-

“Yeah! I'm doing this for us, but much more for me. When did you know?”

“Just the other day, before I called you.”

So this explained how ironic he had been acting on that phone call then.

“How?”

“From a trusted friend?”

“So what now, now that you already know?” I dared.

“Can I stop you?"

"No!" I answered shortly.

"I already disagreed, you said okay, but you still pursued it anyway. Now, if I tell you to stop, will you?”

“I can’t. I'm almost there.” with that, he pulled me into a hug. Right then, I know he understands.

“You have to promise me one thing then-” he paused, releasing me. “You have to take care of yourself, and after this, you’re going to stop,” he said.

I nodded and sighed in relief. A heavyweight was being lifted from my chest.

No more secrets this time, and it's very refreshing to know that I will no longer be burdened by guilt.

It's a kickstart. But I missed something. There is still more he has not said yet.

Shifting my body to face him, I sat properly. There is still more I can't quite pen point.

“Anything else, dad?” I curiously asked.

He nodded at me and asked, “When are you going to settle down?”

It took me by surprise.

I fully understood what he had been asking.

So, he wants me to settle down then. I concluded.

“I'm not yet ready dad. I haven't had the time to think about it. I'm still in mom’s case.”

“But you can always do that. Even if you’re married, your husband would probably understand.”

"Did you?" I asked back.

"No."

"So that says it."

"But maybe he could," he insisted.

“The word maybe dad. It's not reliable. You sure remember when you were with mom too, right?"

He laughed at the memory. Of course, who wouldn’t? Being the iron lady she was, she sure was tough. But when it came to dad, she would never have a second thought.

“Love conquers all Ale.” he then stood up. “ As much as I like to discuss with you this, I guess it's still not the right time.”

“When would it be dad?”

“Someday when you’re ready,” he smirked. I kinda like it if we don't end up disagreeing with each other.

“Okay, so I’ll go ahead then." I stood up and tiptoed a little to have a good look and kiss his cheeks goodbye before I walked out.

Watching her leave is letting her go. Which I think I haven't been a good father to her. Letting her go through a lot of pain. She’s now deciding on her own. Never less, I would sometimes blame my incompetents over things that involved her. She’s been entrusted to me by her mother, but look at her now. She is more capable. And I'm afraid, along with this case, it is the darkest secret we’ve been hiding or, rather, I say, been buried for almost 3 decades now. I don't want her to dig deeper, but what else I can do? One day she will know the truth, but I hope not. One more thing, I still can't figure out at which time it would be better to tell her about her being betrothed. Maybe, one of these days.

Walking out of my dad’s library, I felt like thousands of loads had been lifted. That feeling that you know you don’t need to hide from him. But there is still a pang of guilt, as there is still a lot to hide, especially for my two brothers, that I can’t dare tell them the truth. It’s a lie after a lie. Dad handles it calmly. I don't know how the two will react.

As for the moment, I decided to head directly to my room, and take a shower. In the bathroom, beneath that warm water, running through my body is a soothing sensation, and that relaxes me and relieves tension and the abnormal beating of my heart. The feeling of comfort...

Taking my shower now takes longer than I usually do. I smiled at the idea of the knowledge of my dad about me being in this situation, which I thought he wouldn't understand. Now, closing my eyes and trying to remember those faces, I can almost not recognize them. I think I have seen them somewhere but never did I pay particular attention. I was wondering and it bothered me a lot, since it almost always occurs to me the feeling of familiarity. I can’t tell dad as I cannot even picture their faces clearly, only the blurred ones and this feeling. Along with those images are mom’s, then that feeling is immediately gone. I replaced it with anger surfacing and the burning sensation of avenge within me. Raging its way out. Fisting both my hands, wanting to hit anything near me just to satisfy my anger, I knew I was losing control. But closing my eyes tightly to control my anger is all I can do. I have to be very patient and analyze every action I take before I materialize. Because one day, one day, avenge is to be served for her justice. I’ll make sure they will beg for their lives at my mercy, making them suffer more pain, a hundredfold more than those feelings I have. Able to contain my anger at the moment. I turned off the shower. Staring at my reflection. As I stare at the woman’s reflection in the mirror, her eyes, once full of love and joy, now have only a burning desire for revenge, hardened by the pain. I could no longer recognize the woman in front of me. She had built a solid wall that no one could break, not even her own family. I smiled painfully. One day it’ll all be over… She promised herself and I would be back by myself, not minding anything, and soon be shredding off the hard shell I have now.

Dressed with a white tank top and black denim shorts, I had it tied in a dirty ponytail, my usual house get-up. In the kitchen pouring myself a cup of coffee, before I check those emails that I've been itching to open as I remember what my senior said, it's something that catches my interest. Lost from my thoughts, when Allen spoke while leaning on the wall, he startled me to death. Who wouldn’t?

“You seem so lost that you have not even noticed me here. I even came before you”, he said in an amusing tone.

“What?” I hissed, shooting him an annoyed look, like what the hell is wrong with your looking while holding my chest. It's beating so fast that I can say it will soon jump out the wit of it.

He simply answered me with a shrug. “Nothing,” he said nonchalantly.

“So, how’s it doing?” changing the topic, referring to that of the one in the library earlier.

“It went well,” I answered, not wanting to continue such a conversation.

“Well?” he asked as he arched his brows. Urging me to continue.

“Yeah, what else then?” hinting at my not-so interested tone, he walked to the countertop.

“What’s your plan for tonight?”

“Rest? Or shall we say sleep? Why? Do you have anything in mind?”

“I'm planning on dragging you out. Loosen a little, you know-”

I laughed at the idea, as if he didn't know me.

“Why would I let you? As if I want to go out aside from work?” I playfully asked. “Oh come on Ale, give yourself some time, have some fun.” He said in a very convincing manner.

“I’m always having fun, you just didn't notice.” I rolled my eyes, looking at him, like saying duh!

“Your idea of fun sucks”

“ Suck your face, tell that to Daven-” I was cut, caught off guard by his sudden outburst upon hearing my words. And he stormed in, eying at us, from me to Allen, like, what now, are you all mute kind of looking?

“What will you tell me, huh?” Woah! A thunderstorm is coming... I said in the back of my mind. Like I will tell it to his face and, sure enough, we both end up dead. He’s not to be missed, so you know. Allen, on the other hand, was trying so hard not to laugh, that it had made him choke hard by accidentally gulping his saliva into his airways. I glance at him shooting a deadly glare, trying to say, it serves you right!.

“Easy Daven, it was just a joke, you don't need to stride in and eat them alive” exaggerated Dad interrupted. Standing behind him. Laughing.

"It wasn’t as funny as you think” he answered, without even throwing a glance at their father. Wow, he is really mad. And as for you woman, it was not a good joke, maybe you can try harder next time.” emphasizing every word, widening his eyes on me and smirking.

Now Allen and Dad are laughing out of their wits. Trying to suppress this escaping laughter, my face reddened due to holding back, I said. “I sure will Daven.” rolling my eyes like DUH! Whatever!

“Dude, don't be so hard on yourself. It was just a joke. Why do you have to act like you’ve been bullied? So sensitive.”

“It’s none of your business” and walked out. My God, he is deadly serious. What’s wrong with him? Dad abruptly stops his laughter with his sudden outburst.

“What’s the matter?” we said in unison, followed by a long silence taking in his action lately. Something is not right. Dad, who recovered from the shock, first shook his head and said, “Only a woman can affect a man that way and make him insanely crazy.” which we replied with a shrug, not wanting to continue to avoid further misunderstanding. “Where to?” dad continued, referring to the one we'd discussed before Daven came.

“Dad, it doesn't suit you. You’re way too old for this.” He protested.

“Hey! A young man you-” he exclaimed, turning his flaming eyes on Allen. His nose and ears are fuming with smoke in anger now. Amused by the scene in front of me while watching these two, barking at each other, I indulged myself with my cup of coffee.

“Uh-huh” Allen, wiggling his index finger at dad’s face. “ no longer young dad. But not too old.” He laughed so hard.

“Yeah right, I forgot I’m dealing with, no longer young, not too old but a full-grown man,” he said, arching his brow as if daring him, and then continued. “How was that sound?” while crossing his arms in his chest. "And oh, before I forgot, a full-grown man with a 5-year-old brain," he said and laughed way harder than it was.

“That’s so below the belt dad.” with a disgusted look. He just laughed so hard that it sounded like thunder inside the kitchen and I, later, joined them.

“How about you keep going now and killing your asses at your idea of fun?” and he smirks.

“We’re going now, and for the wise old man out there, sleep early.” Allen declared, tugging me along with him.

“Hey! I didn’t say I'm not coming, it’s not my idea of fun.” I protested while still laughing, but, letting him drag me anyway.

“Sheila will be there too. You will be enjoying it there.”

“Bye dad!” we said in unison.`

“Allen, you can’t just simply drag me whenever you want!” I scowled.

“Who do you want to drag you then, is it Daven?” he asks, but it doesn’t sound one, he is more like mocking.

“I can’t go out with just this,” pointing at myself.

“You’re not bad for that-” scanning me from head to toe, then, later on, shoved his black leather jacket. “Here. this is not bad for you” he continued.

“You’re hilarious”, rolled my eyes.

“Whatever sister. It is now or never.” My mood now is somewhat not in a good state. For God’s sake, I have not done with my coffee, and, by the thought of it, it pissed me off. I’m a coffee person, I can always live a life with coffee in it rather than alcohol. I won't even exchange my cup for a plate of food.